Long distance relationship with a Tunisian man?

[JustCoralGoose]

In a nutshell I have been speaking to someone online from Tunisia for 4 years as great friends and recently he told me he wants to be with me and now he’s speaking about meeting me but he can’t stay for long on a holiday or visitor visa and because of his religious background he wants to marry me right away! If it weren’t for those things I wouldn’t.

Now for the longer version
I have asked him why he didn’t find a girlfriend where he lives and he did say he has dated quite a few women and I remember him mentioning he never met anyone that he really likes but he loves everything about me and my personality.
He is about the same age as me (20’s)
He doesn’t have a job but is supported by his father whilst he is studying and he hopes to get a job to do with something on the computer like coding and development although I don’t understand about things like that. I have seen some of his work and it’s too complicated for me to understand .
I’m in the middle of starting a business and have a lot going on in my life and to be honest this new relationship is taking a lot of my head space.
I’m aware there are cultural differences but I’m lying here thinking I would be off my head to marry someone I’ve only met in person once and we don’t know what it’s like to live with each other - I also don’t know if he understands the legal implications and that it would financially tie us together.
I can’t even say it is so he can obtain permission to come to this country as both him and his family want me to move to Tunisia - another conversation in itself as what about healthcare, I have a life here, and what about all my stuff like furniture because I would probably have to sell it all before I could leave.
If I (hypothetically) did my intention would be to start a business over there but I am aware that I would rely on him financially at first which I don’t want to do unless I had savings to live on.
I know nothing about the country and have never gone but from what I’ve seen it honestly doesn’t look like the kind of place I would want to live.
I have also only recently just head about the Tunisian love rat thing.
We have spoken over video call a lot and he is honestly so nice and such a kind man.
But I have not told anyone in person about the ‘relationship’ yet because I’m half worried they’ll think I need to go to a mental facility.
He has introduced me to his family over video call and they are aware he is in a ‘relationship’ with me and he can translate the languages - they speak some English but he’s hoping to teach us how to speak to each other.

Agree.

This with bells on !

Run for the hills girl!!!! Don't be that dumb.

Don’t be a fool OP

OP, you know you are being absolutely ridiculous.

If someone asked for your advice, and told you what you have told us, what would you advise them to do?

Get a grip and get yourself a real social life, or hobby, where you can meet real people.

Scam scam scam.
One of my sister's friend got talking to someone from Tunisia.
Daft cow married him. That's when the physical abuse started and then he robbed her blind.
She ended up penniless lost her house and her job as he wouldn't let her work as men were in the office.
Finally after 5 years the police arrested him as he had raped one of the neighbours.
He's now in prison. She has moved away from the area as he's due out soon and is scared of him finding her.

How did you meet this person?

Grow up.

Are you insane op?
Do you speak french or arabic?
Have you been to tunisia?
know the country well and clear what it woukd be like?
just
Block him. It wont work unless you have a big interest in living there and really really want to live there for other reasons

Even leaving aside the potential scam aspects, you just don’t know whether you’ll get on with someone in real life until you experience them.

I’m showing my age now, but I had penpals that I corresponded with for years, and visited when I went inter railing in my twenties and it could be startling how incompatible we were in real life. Internet dating and long distance dating is similar. I had a lovely boyfriend in college - we had a great relationship of phone calls and postcards and letters and brief, intense visits until I moved back home (he lived two streets away) and it just didn’t work as well in person. I’ve met people online, messaged a bit, had a phone call with - all seems great and then no chemistry in person. You just don’t know.

Or rather you actually do because in your op you’ve got it exactly right - you know what is needed but your boundaries are being gently eroded. The only way that this relationship has a chance to succeed is if you proceed at your pace, building up your financial stability, meeting, spending time together without pressure to rush, or over commit. You already know this. Listen to your head!!!

Even if he’s entirely genuine, a relationship needs a firm foundation to go the distance. Taking it slow, protecting your base (your financial situation, career experience etc) is building a good foundation.

Remove the fact he is abroad- any man who says he wants to marry you after only meeting you in person once has more red flags than a Man United fan base.

I have visited several Muslim countries
Tunisia, Egypt, Morocco, Malaysia, Indonesia

Women do not have the same freedom or rights as women have in the UK

No benefits

No NHS

Restrictions related to jobs & employment opportunities, travel, finances, property, generally being independent, religion etc

You have not met

You have not visited any of these countries

Why are you not looking for a relationship locally instead ?

Why do you sound so passive? Just because he’s saying he wants to be in a relationship with you doesn’t mean you have to and just cos he wants to get married, it doesn’t mean you have to. Nowhere do you say you love this man or even fancy him. It’s like you’ve just accepted you’re in a relationship just cos he’s said he wants to be. Defo do not marry this man!

Are you insane?! Listen to what he’s actually saying to you.

he’s speaking about meeting me but he can’t stay for long on a holiday or visitor visa No mention of it interrupting his studies? How strange. It’s almost like he’s not a student at all 🤔 He can stay for up to six months on a visit visa; I’d say that was plenty of time to get to know you better, wouldn’t you? If I was of a suspicious nature, I’d be more inclined to think that he couldn’t get a visit visa because he couldn’t satisfy the visa people that he was a genuine visitor, or that he’d leave the UK after his visit.

We have spoken over video call a lot and he is honestly so nice and such a kind man You have no idea whether or not he’s a nice, kind man, because you don’t know him. All you know is the image he chooses to show you in the hour or so you’re talking. Do you think it would be hard to only show your best side during a phone call?

I can’t even say it is so he can obtain permission to come to this country as both him and his family want me to move to Tunisia Well he would say that, wouldn’t he? Because if he tells you ‘I know we’ve never been in a relationship or even talked about being in a relationship but I’ve decided I want to marry you immediately and then join you in the UK’ your alarm bells might start ringing and it might occur to you that he might have an ulterior motive for wanting to marry a British passport holder.

I also don’t know if he understands the legal implications and that it would financially tie us together You don’t know if he understands that marriage will tie him to someone he perceives as rich? 🤦‍♀️ He saw you coming mate.

I also have a feeling that he is using me for permission to come into the country because some things just don’t make sense.
I don’t think I would be that bothered if it didn’t work out because I didn’t want to be in a relationship in the first place. Part of me though was hoping that someone might say that their own relationship worked out.
I can’t even emotionally afford for this to be some kind of scam, so I will distance myself from him and he will probably move onto the next one

When I was 14, a relative in Eastern Europe offered to organise a marriage for me, to the son of a millionaire over there. (Probably worth 500 quid in our money at the time, mind you.)

Mum quite rightly went ballistic.

Cut to my 22 yr old self doing three months in Leningrad for my Russian degree. You'd be amazed at how attractive I became overnight. I was being chased by a 30 something [if he was telling the truth about his age] supposedly PhD student who had - I shit you not - been the cultural attaché for the Soviet Embassy in Syria. [In those days, the Soviet cultural attachés normally had other interests.]

When all the British exchange students on their three month course gathered back at Sheremetevo Airport in Moscow - we'd all been in different cities - the British Cultural Attaché was just about pulling his hair out: nine girls had come back married to Russians.

One of them had her new husband booked on the plane back to Heathrow. According to the other Brits who'd been in the same centre, they were certain he was KGB. (It wasn't usual for the Soviets to allow men to leave the country to settle abroad in those days. They did often allow women out, though the process could be lengthy.)

Thank goodness, @JustCoralGoose . I'm relieved for you.

I really hope this is a joke. You must not have anything more to do with this man. It’s a scam.

It’s just he recently said that he wants to be with me.

Well, he would, wouldn't he?

This is some sort of scam OP. Wake up and run for the hills.

Nope. You can’t have some man you’ve never even met dictate how your life is going to be.
Take back control!

I have a horrible feeling that you are all right and they must have no real empathy to want to traumatise me like that

Has he asked for money yet or just wants a visa?

He possibly does quite like you and also quite likes the idea of what the UK might provide him. You are both quite young. How did you get talking to him?

This would be a disaster. Don't even think about it.

Not all marriages across countries/cultures are the same or bear the same risks. I married a man from another country, but our cultures are similar in the most important ways, we share the same religion, and we were on much the same level in terms of finances, desirability of passports/citizenships, and so on. In other words, it would be unlikely that someone from his country would marry someone just to get into my country, or vice versa. Even so, I wouldn't have considered marrying him if he'd been pushing for it faster than I felt comfortable with. It's a massive red flag.

Well no, scammers don't. He probably has several of you on the go.