Long distance relationship with a Tunisian man?

[JustCoralGoose]

In a nutshell I have been speaking to someone online from Tunisia for 4 years as great friends and recently he told me he wants to be with me and now he’s speaking about meeting me but he can’t stay for long on a holiday or visitor visa and because of his religious background he wants to marry me right away! If it weren’t for those things I wouldn’t.

Now for the longer version
I have asked him why he didn’t find a girlfriend where he lives and he did say he has dated quite a few women and I remember him mentioning he never met anyone that he really likes but he loves everything about me and my personality.
He is about the same age as me (20’s)
He doesn’t have a job but is supported by his father whilst he is studying and he hopes to get a job to do with something on the computer like coding and development although I don’t understand about things like that. I have seen some of his work and it’s too complicated for me to understand .
I’m in the middle of starting a business and have a lot going on in my life and to be honest this new relationship is taking a lot of my head space.
I’m aware there are cultural differences but I’m lying here thinking I would be off my head to marry someone I’ve only met in person once and we don’t know what it’s like to live with each other - I also don’t know if he understands the legal implications and that it would financially tie us together.
I can’t even say it is so he can obtain permission to come to this country as both him and his family want me to move to Tunisia - another conversation in itself as what about healthcare, I have a life here, and what about all my stuff like furniture because I would probably have to sell it all before I could leave.
If I (hypothetically) did my intention would be to start a business over there but I am aware that I would rely on him financially at first which I don’t want to do unless I had savings to live on.
I know nothing about the country and have never gone but from what I’ve seen it honestly doesn’t look like the kind of place I would want to live.
I have also only recently just head about the Tunisian love rat thing.
We have spoken over video call a lot and he is honestly so nice and such a kind man.
But I have not told anyone in person about the ‘relationship’ yet because I’m half worried they’ll think I need to go to a mental facility.
He has introduced me to his family over video call and they are aware he is in a ‘relationship’ with me and he can translate the languages - they speak some English but he’s hoping to teach us how to speak to each other.

That's what's going to happen if you fall for this.
End it now.
How did you become internet friends in the first place?

Don't be an idiot.

Also, it's not a relationship.

We were on holiday in Tunisia and met two women who go out regularly for 'holidays' with their lovers. Loaded down with presents for the rest of his family and money.
It is well known racket.
Just don't OP.
Block,

OP tell him you only ever want to be friends and will not be marrying him. 🤦

Dial down the amount of contact with him drastically and focus on your business and your real life here.

It's concerning you had to check others opinions about this tbh.

Don't worry, they need consent to do a "I married my Tunisian hunk but it turned out he just wanted a passport WHO'D HAVE THUNK IT I'M USUALLY AN INTELLIGENT WOMAN" story. They'll also pay you, although you might get more going through an agency.

Strop talking to him right away and assume everything he says is a lie.

Bezness

You can't be in a relationship with someone you've never met. You don't know if anything he's told you is true. Why on earth would you want to marry a man, you don't know and move to a country, you've never visited??? You have a cultural, religious and language differences, at the very least.

He's studying, so relying on his family to financially support him. How are you going to support yourself in Tunisia? His family have zero obligations to financially support you. Where would you live? It's not uncommon for several generations to live together in one property. Or would he and his family expect you not to work and be at home all the time?

To live in the UK, it's not as simple as marrying you. You would need to prove you have a substantial amount of income, capable of supporting both of you, as he won't be entitled to work initially.

Run for the hills.

Too risky. if in doubt, don't.

Op, normally after so many responses which give the same advice as I’d give, I wouldn’t wade in, but please - for the love of all things do NOT marry this man. You don’t know him, it isn’t a relationship more than online. You only know what he’s told you and this could be a million and one miles away from the truth.
Concentrate on your life here, your business. Tell him in no uncertain terms you won’t be marrying him, that this is just an online friendship (which is VERY different to an actual friendship). If you decide to visit, take friends.

We could all be wrong of course, but I’d bet good money that we aren’t.

NO NO NO NO NO. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I wondered why he couldn’t be arsed to even pretend he had a decent job.

I used to work with someone who was scammed by someone in another country. He pretended to be an engineer. He even had a website, but it was just, literally, one page, no links to anything, and certainly no pics of himself.

She admitted that she had sent him money “because his laptop broke”.

The general opinion is that you should stop talking to him, block him and never do anything similar again. He is trying to use you for your savings or for getting visa or for both.
it doesn’t matter what he is saying to you, it’s only words and words are cheap.

Even if it wasn’t a scam, unless you are a Muslim too I would not marry across this religious divide. Especially if you are then expected to live in Tunisia.

Oh good god, get a grip. Block him and get on with your real life.

@JustCoralGoose Please watch a few of the Catfished videos, there are lots of scammers out there. Even if you've been talking to him online for years, you don't really know him at all. It's a fantasy. It would be disaster to take this any further. Try taking a break from chatting to him, or say you don't want a relationship and take the break from the conversation.

https://www.youtube.com/@CatfishedOnline

Honestly, you’d be surprised. I’ve watched a good few documentaries and docuseries about this and it’s amazing just how many (mostly women) fall for this.

The thing that’s struck me the most with some of the ones I’ve watched is that a few of these women are seemingly quite normal and intelligent, so I just think HOW do you fall for this?

These guys are not original in their scams and they all use the same scripts.

OP, for the love of god, do not send him any money, (no matter how expensive his mum’s operation is 🙄), and please watch Love Rats on Netflix.

I'll bite and answer seriously, even though I'm not sure if this is. I lived and worked in Tunisia for 3 years in my 20s (working for an international banking institution). It really is a beautiful country, very safe, and with brilliantly preserved history and tremendously kind and open people and culture.

That said, I saw countless examples or friends and colleagues trying to pursue relationships. I can only think of one which worked out, the other 20 or so ended in messy, complicated ways, which basically boiled down to the person with the non-Tunisian passport being used as a meal ticket to get out of the country.

By all means, go visit. Book a hotel and go with a couple of friends. Meet up with this guy, but don't rush anything. Culturally, Tunisians still date etc, so if he's spinning you a yarn that he has to marry you on sight, it's a bunch of rubbish.

Go into this with your eyes open.

In terms of setting up a business in Tunisia, you seem quite naive. Unless you have a good command of French / Arabic this is going to be hugely challenging. The World Bank publishes data each year on ease of doing business which includes setting up a business, and is scored on things like bureaucracy etc. Tunisia is ranked 78th in the world. For cross reference, the UK is in the top 10.

https://archive.doingbusiness.org/en/rankings

My friend fell for a scam like this. To all her friends it was totally obvious. They had never met but were 'engaged' and the first time they met he was in one knee with a diamond ring as she got off the train. She thought this was so romantic.

She is highly intelligent, the head of a university department, but somehow she believed this utter rubbish. She even planned the wedding and was in the process of buying a house with him.

Selling your furniture to move abroad is the least of your worries 🤣

Just block him it’s a scum do you read papers?? Netflix??

Surely you have watched the Tunisian love rat TV programmes? If not I suggest you do! This is 100% him being all nice etc and as soon as you are married he will take every penny you have and then become very controlling like stopping you from speaking to your family and friends, won't allow you out. Until marriage he will be the nicest guy ever.

I am not sure if you are genuine and you are bored on a Sunday but if it is true you need to stop this relationship pronto. Tell him you do not have money and do not answer his calls or messages. Block him on every avenue you have him and if needs be, change your phone number and delete your social media - all of them.

Have a word with yourself, op. Step back and try to think what you'd tell a friend who presented this question to you. You'd tell her to run. Very, very far.

Yes of course there's a chance he's genuine. But it's tiny. Every single such example I've seen has ended in tears.

You must be able to see that this isn't a proper, love-based marriage proposal? Surely you can see that?

So? You have autonomy. You don't buy the dress because he'd decided you'll do to get a visa...

He probably already has a girlfriend or wife where he lives.

If he is Muslim, he can have more than one wife.

If you marry & he wants to live in UK, you will need these financial resources

https://www.gov.uk/uk-family-visa/proof-income-partner

Beware of love scammers