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AIBU?

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Original poster

Long distance relationship with a Tunisian man?

422 replies

JustCoralGoose · 15/03/2026 12:45

In a nutshell I have been speaking to someone online from Tunisia for 4 years as great friends and recently he told me he wants to be with me and now he’s speaking about meeting me but he can’t stay for long on a holiday or visitor visa and because of his religious background he wants to marry me right away! If it weren’t for those things I wouldn’t.

Now for the longer version
I have asked him why he didn’t find a girlfriend where he lives and he did say he has dated quite a few women and I remember him mentioning he never met anyone that he really likes but he loves everything about me and my personality.
He is about the same age as me (20’s)
He doesn’t have a job but is supported by his father whilst he is studying and he hopes to get a job to do with something on the computer like coding and development although I don’t understand about things like that. I have seen some of his work and it’s too complicated for me to understand .
I’m in the middle of starting a business and have a lot going on in my life and to be honest this new relationship is taking a lot of my head space.
I’m aware there are cultural differences but I’m lying here thinking I would be off my head to marry someone I’ve only met in person once and we don’t know what it’s like to live with each other - I also don’t know if he understands the legal implications and that it would financially tie us together.
I can’t even say it is so he can obtain permission to come to this country as both him and his family want me to move to Tunisia - another conversation in itself as what about healthcare, I have a life here, and what about all my stuff like furniture because I would probably have to sell it all before I could leave.
If I (hypothetically) did my intention would be to start a business over there but I am aware that I would rely on him financially at first which I don’t want to do unless I had savings to live on.
I know nothing about the country and have never gone but from what I’ve seen it honestly doesn’t look like the kind of place I would want to live.
I have also only recently just head about the Tunisian love rat thing.
We have spoken over video call a lot and he is honestly so nice and such a kind man.
But I have not told anyone in person about the ‘relationship’ yet because I’m half worried they’ll think I need to go to a mental facility.
He has introduced me to his family over video call and they are aware he is in a ‘relationship’ with me and he can translate the languages - they speak some English but he’s hoping to teach us how to speak to each other.

OP posts:
Applespearsandpeaches · 15/03/2026 18:13

JustCoralGoose · 15/03/2026 16:36

I also have a feeling that he is using me for permission to come into the country because some things just don’t make sense.
I don’t think I would be that bothered if it didn’t work out because I didn’t want to be in a relationship in the first place. Part of me though was hoping that someone might say that their own relationship worked out.
I can’t even emotionally afford for this to be some kind of scam, so I will distance myself from him and he will probably move onto the next one

”I don’t think I would be that bothered if it didn’t work out because I didn’t want to be in a relationship in the first place.”

You might be bothered after financial or physical or sexual abuse, a couple of kids in Tunisia you can’t bring to the U.K if you split up, losing any money or assets you have and being absolutely humiliated in front of your friends and family who will all be wondering, like us, what on earth you are thinking of.

Who on earth contemplates marrying someone on the basis that they can’t think of a reason not to and if it doesn’t work out then at least you didn’t want it in the first place?!

FunnyOrca · 15/03/2026 18:13

WearyAuldWumman · 15/03/2026 16:37

When I was 14, a relative in Eastern Europe offered to organise a marriage for me, to the son of a millionaire over there. (Probably worth 500 quid in our money at the time, mind you.)

Mum quite rightly went ballistic.

Cut to my 22 yr old self doing three months in Leningrad for my Russian degree. You'd be amazed at how attractive I became overnight. I was being chased by a 30 something [if he was telling the truth about his age] supposedly PhD student who had - I shit you not - been the cultural attaché for the Soviet Embassy in Syria. [In those days, the Soviet cultural attachés normally had other interests.]

When all the British exchange students on their three month course gathered back at Sheremetevo Airport in Moscow - we'd all been in different cities - the British Cultural Attaché was just about pulling his hair out: nine girls had come back married to Russians.

One of them had her new husband booked on the plane back to Heathrow. According to the other Brits who'd been in the same centre, they were certain he was KGB. (It wasn't usual for the Soviets to allow men to leave the country to settle abroad in those days. They did often allow women out, though the process could be lengthy.)

Show quote history

Insane! I also have a Russian degree and spent a year there!

It was all the guys hooking up with Russian girls by the the mid-2010s. The misogyny of the Russian men we were encountering was really unparalleled! My hoziaika was always trying to marry me off to much older men though. It was kind of traumatic!

Shedmistress · 15/03/2026 18:13
This Is Fine GIF

All totally normal.

Naneeeeeechangeee · 15/03/2026 18:17

MagicMarkers · 15/03/2026 12:49

There's a website called Tunisian Love Rats. I suggest you look at that. It's a known scam. There's also a Facebook group with 2.9K members.

Don't marry him. You don't know him and he's clearly after a visa.

Edited

This. Don't do it OP.

Spacedsunshine1 · 15/03/2026 18:19

Run, run and then run some more!!

Yolo12345 · 15/03/2026 18:20

He’s a wind up merchant! Has to get married…has to get half of your assets more like!

Naneeeeeechangeee · 15/03/2026 18:20

JustCoralGoose · 15/03/2026 16:48

Since you asked, he has not asked me for money and he kind of gives the impression that his dad is going to pay for it all and that he’s studying right now and wants to wait until he’s finished that in a few months to come here. he said he would prefer for me to go to him and he does not like the area that I live in which in my opinion has really good views and I like the place that I live. But he also says he knows that I don’t want to leave where I live and so he is willing to live with me and then he wants to take me back to where he lives in Tunisia together. He also would prefer that we married in Tunisia.
I am not a Muslim and that’s a whole other conversation in itself but he has already told me that he won’t make me become one. I’m not sure how it all works just now and it seems that neither does he.
No, I don’t want to do it. It’s just I think it would be hard for him to visit me regularly something to do with the Visa or something.

Show quote history

Since reading this, just block him. He's literally after a Visa to live here.

d317 · 15/03/2026 18:22

What a brilliant idea !! Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself out loud that you are going to marry a Tunisian that you’ve never met, and see how stupid that sounds.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
btw I’ve been to Tunisia and it’s a shit hole.

Animatic · 15/03/2026 18:24

Ouch,just no :)

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 15/03/2026 18:26

moofolk · 15/03/2026 12:46

Be. Very. Wary.

This.All.Day.Long.

shuggles · 15/03/2026 18:26

@JustCoralGoose Has he asked you to invest in his cryptocurrency scheme yet?

I can’t even say it is so he can obtain permission to come to this country as both him and his family want me to move to Tunisia - another conversation in itself as what about healthcare, I have a life here, and what about all my stuff like furniture because I would probably have to sell it all before I could leave.

Why are some people so completely oblivious about their own personal safety? I would be concerned for my own safety if I went to Tunisia even for 1 to 2 weeks.

I'm not sure why you aren't thinking about safety, given that you're a woman and you would have little or no rights in the country.

Astra53 · 15/03/2026 18:28

You are a meal ticket with British citizenship thrown in for him. I can't believe that you are falling for his cr*p
Block him.

cramptramp · 15/03/2026 18:29

OP. It’s not a relationship. It’s someone chancing his arm trying to get you to marry him. There is loads of information out there about this. You just need to look for it. If you really want to meet up with him let him come over here for a holiday a few times a year. Never ever give him money even if he says he’ll pay you back.

Tryanalogue · 15/03/2026 18:32

d317 · 15/03/2026 18:22

What a brilliant idea !! Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself out loud that you are going to marry a Tunisian that you’ve never met, and see how stupid that sounds.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
btw I’ve been to Tunisia and it’s a shit hole.

If you like piles of rubbish, you’ll love Tunisia.

TheEighthDwarf · 15/03/2026 18:38

MammaTo · 15/03/2026 12:51

Are people still falling for this in 2026.

Only if you mean the people treating this as a serious post 😆

CopeNorth · 15/03/2026 18:48

Hi Op, do you have some friends or family you could sense test this with in real life? x

Velumental · 15/03/2026 18:51

JustCoralGoose · 15/03/2026 16:48

Since you asked, he has not asked me for money and he kind of gives the impression that his dad is going to pay for it all and that he’s studying right now and wants to wait until he’s finished that in a few months to come here. he said he would prefer for me to go to him and he does not like the area that I live in which in my opinion has really good views and I like the place that I live. But he also says he knows that I don’t want to leave where I live and so he is willing to live with me and then he wants to take me back to where he lives in Tunisia together. He also would prefer that we married in Tunisia.
I am not a Muslim and that’s a whole other conversation in itself but he has already told me that he won’t make me become one. I’m not sure how it all works just now and it seems that neither does he.
No, I don’t want to do it. It’s just I think it would be hard for him to visit me regularly something to do with the Visa or something.

Show quote history

Do you feel you lack relationship options? You come across very gullible and flattered to be 'wanted' by him and almost as if you think that makes a relationship inevitable and almost beyond your control.

Do you have some challenges yourself?

Gonners · 15/03/2026 18:54

@JustCoralGoose "I’m lying here thinking I would be off my head to marry someone I’ve only met in person once ..."

Just out of curiosity, where did you meet him if you've never been to Tunisia and he's never been here? I mean, I've met some fairly dubious characters when I've been on holiday ... and also some very decent people. But this sudden desire to take you off to Tunisia and marry you is insanely unconvincing!

cockneylass · 15/03/2026 18:54

Um, no.

Thatsalineallright · 15/03/2026 18:57

I don’t think I would be that bothered if it didn’t work out because I didn’t want to be in a relationship in the first place.

OP, I really don't understand your mindset here. You're acting as if he's invited you for a coffee and you're thinking 'can't really be arsed but I suppose I might as well'. But this is marriage, not coffee! If you don't care about things working out why on earth would you agree to marry him?

In any case, this whole thing screams romance scammer. Please keep your wits about you.

Eddielizzard · 15/03/2026 18:57

He will swear it's not about the visa, or the money, but just love. He'll tell you he has loads of money. He'll say he wants to marry you in Tunisia, and show you his wonderful culture and wonderful family, and he totally respects your culture blah blah blah

It is honestly all bullshit. He will say anything to manipulate you into doing what he wants. I bet he has a few (sorry) on the go, and if you don't work out he'll be onto the next. He's honed his spiel over loads of 'relationships', perfecting it just so he knows exactly what to say, taking notes when he gets it wrong.

I hope you take what we're saying on board, and protect yourself

GreenCandleWax · 15/03/2026 19:00

Ileithyia · 15/03/2026 14:02

@JustCoralGoosedo you have a real world social life? Do you work outside your home, have friends you spend time with? Would you call yourself a confident person with good self esteem? Or are you a bit lonely and insecure, quite isolated?

Like everyone else, I am 99.9% sure this is a scam. If you enjoy talking to him tell him you only want to be friends, and tell him you won’t ever marry him. I hope I’m wrong, but I suspect he may either beg you to reconsider, or move on to one of the other women he’s currently stringing along.

Am guessing those other women are in countries like Denmark, Holland or France that offer good standard of living and where he can speak the language or English. I wonder how many of them he has been stringing along all this time.😳

Original poster
JustCoralGoose · 15/03/2026 19:05

I feel I’ve wasted my time and he’s really disappointed in me that I’ve even suggested he might be a scammer in fact he’s already talking about moving somewhere else in Europe and has become a bit colder so that kind of tells me all I need to know and that I’ve wasted my time and energy being invested in this or even considering it. Yes I think somethings not right with me mentally. Objectively, I can see that it is wrong

OP posts:
NotnowMildrid · 15/03/2026 19:05

Slowly slowly catch the monkey.

Give your head a wobble.

GlomOfNit · 15/03/2026 19:06

OP, with all respect, you sound extremely young and very naive. You obviously KNOW this is a crazy idea as you're phrasing that yourself, so do yourself a favour. Steer clear. He might be playing an unusually long game as a romance fraudster but I'm absolutely sure that's what he's doing. You've never met him (he could be the Tunisian equivalent of a hairy-handed trucker called Dave and about 55). You don't actually say that you like him romantically yourself. Why on EARTH would someone who's never met a man before, let alone from a very contrasting cultural background, uproot their whole life and go and live somewhere very different. Have you even been to Tunisia?

How did you meet this guy online in the first place?

Sorry but the whole post seems a bit iffy to me and I'm not 100% convinced - but if this IS real then OP, you know it's mad.