Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to keep him off school some days at the moment

386 replies

tinyyturtle · 13/03/2026 21:24

hello first post so hope im doing this right

i have 3 boys ds1 is 4 and in reception ds2 is 2.5 and doesnt walk and ds3 is 10 weeks old today

school is about 2 miles away and i dont drive. walking isnt really possible for me as i have mobility problems myself so the bus is the only realistic way of doing it

ds2 technically still fits in a normal buggy but it doesnt support him properly and he kind of slumps to one side. he does have a sen buggy but its massive and its honestly a pain on the bus. half the time theres no space and trying to get on with that plus ds1 and the baby in a sling and bags is a whole thing

bus drivers also dont see it as a disabled buggy they just see a big buggy and expect me to fold it. which is hard because then i have to find somewhere safe to put ds2 while i fold it and hold the baby at the same time which isnt exactly easy

people do tut as well which doesnt help

some mornings its just chaos. if i take the big buggy i struggle getting it on and off and folding it while holding the baby. if i take the normal buggy ds2 just slides about and i feel bad about that

the baby cries a lot on the bus too which makes the whole thing more stressful

so the truth is ds1 has missed a fair bit of school recently. more than id like really. some mornings i just cant face doing the whole bus situation and i keep him home

i know reception isnt technically compulsory but i also know its not ideal for him missing days and i do feel guilty about it

aibu to just keep him off sometimes for now until the baby is a bit older and things settle down a bit or should i be pushing myself to get him there every day even if its a nightmare

im honestly exhausted at the moment and just wondering what other people would do in this situation

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
ThatInbetweenBigCoatAndJacketWeather · 13/03/2026 22:52

PinkPomeloFruit · 13/03/2026 22:38

OP your attitude is bizarre. Just one excuse after another.

I agree. Almost looking for validation to not bother, rather than solutions focused. I would be moving heaven and earth.

what about moving house?

you have made your own choices to have children, and those children have a right to education.

DryadsRest · 13/03/2026 22:53

given the gov says school or home education is compulsory the September after they turn 5 then I can’t see how it’s neglectful to comply with that.

that would mean notifying the school of your intention for him to start the September after he starts five if that’s your intention

in the meantime you can enjoy your children being together and contact your local authority and MP to ask for support in readiness for if you decide to put him back into school when he reaches compulsory school age / or home educate.

all of the above is legally your right.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 13/03/2026 22:54

Yabvu

You knee this was an issue and you made life choices that you cannot now change.

Ultimately ds1 needs to be in school so you need to stop making excuses and start working on solutions. I know that sounds harsh and I am not unsympathetic but you are failing to acknowledge that you have a legal obligation from September to have him in school every day so you cannot keep opting to not show up with him.

InfoSecInTheCity · 13/03/2026 22:54

You keep making more and more excuses for why every suggestion is untenable.

You have a SEN buggy that meets your middle child’s needs. You say that bus drivers see it as just a normal buggy and ask you to fold it, so say no. Tell them it’s a disability buggy and he can’t be taken out of it and it can’t be folded.

If the bus is often full then get an earlier bus or have a conversation with the school and agree that you’ll get a later bus that’s less popular, getting him to school 30 minutes late is better than not at all.

You are showing him that his education is not important every time you decide to bin off school.

JehovasFitness · 13/03/2026 22:55

The kids who’s parents saw school as optional went on to see school as optional.

Mcdhotchoc · 13/03/2026 22:56

You can apply for dla for ds2 when he is 3. Can you apply for pip for you? Could you taxi there and bus home in the morning?

Barnsleybonuz · 13/03/2026 22:56

Dyspraxia does not preclude you driving. I’m severely dyspraxic and have driven since I was 17. It’s not easy but it needs to be a priority. Learn auto, it’s easier. Your son needs to go to school & you need to sort it

DryadsRest · 13/03/2026 22:58

DryadsRest · 13/03/2026 22:53

given the gov says school or home education is compulsory the September after they turn 5 then I can’t see how it’s neglectful to comply with that.

that would mean notifying the school of your intention for him to start the September after he starts five if that’s your intention

in the meantime you can enjoy your children being together and contact your local authority and MP to ask for support in readiness for if you decide to put him back into school when he reaches compulsory school age / or home educate.

all of the above is legally your right.

Also I think you sound amazing to have tried it for as long as you have done ! And if you do decide you want him to be in school before he’s compulsory school age - as in this academic year I would tell the school and your MP that you NEED help and get them to tell you what you are entitled to!

Cheesyhashbrowns · 13/03/2026 23:00

Definitely speak to the school. I don't know if this has been mentioned but could your DH drop DC at breakfast club before work?

Edited as I can see you've already covered breakfast club.

Heynow87 · 13/03/2026 23:00

Honestly OP I am appalled at all of your excuses. It sounds difficult but he has a right to an education. You can’t send children back obviously but you must’ve thought about the logistics of children before having 3 in quick succession? I found parenting harder than others seem to, so I stopped at 1 child.

Heynow87 · 13/03/2026 23:01

Can you inform the bus company that your buggy is a wheelchair so please make your staff aware? You need to grow a back bone and get your child to school.

Rycbar · 13/03/2026 23:02

I want to say this with so much love becuse I understand you’re struggling but you are absolutely setting your child up to fail by missing so much of Reception. I’m a Reception teacher and as much as it looks like we just play all day - it is such a crucial part of schooling. Many senior leaders I’ve met on training say they put their strongest teachers in early years becuse getting that right means eliminating most problems later on!! It’s so so crucial!

Viviennemary · 13/03/2026 23:04

Talk to the school. maybe there's a parent who can offer your child a lift even if temporary solution. Or pay a childminder to take your child to school. He does need to go to school. Staying off on a regular basis isn't really an option.

Cheesyhashbrowns · 13/03/2026 23:06

Rycbar · 13/03/2026 23:02

I want to say this with so much love becuse I understand you’re struggling but you are absolutely setting your child up to fail by missing so much of Reception. I’m a Reception teacher and as much as it looks like we just play all day - it is such a crucial part of schooling. Many senior leaders I’ve met on training say they put their strongest teachers in early years becuse getting that right means eliminating most problems later on!! It’s so so crucial!

I second this as a parent of a DC who missed a lot of learning in reception. It has taken DC until he turned 9 this year to catch up as everything builds onto the next. And when they are behind they lose confidence in themselves.

Bringyourfoldingchair · 13/03/2026 23:07

Yes, YABU. It’s your job to get your child to school, it’s not optional. Don’t let your kids down like that. Education is so important. You’re going to have to face the journey. I have a 3 year old who fits in a normal buggy with plenty of space. He’s in the 75 percentile. Is your child very large? Even in a big buggy unless the buses are different in your area it would fit. Stop making excuses and take your children to school.

LegoFrame · 13/03/2026 23:07

@tinyyturtletwo suggestions from me: you can get a tag for the pushchair which says something like ‘SEN BUGGY, TREAT LIKE WHEELCHAIR’ or similar. I got mine on Amazon. Then you can show that to the bus driver and not have to fold. An alternative would be to ask for an actual wheelchair (talk to physio) at this point, it can have appropriate built in support and is functional in various ways.

DryadsRest · 13/03/2026 23:08

to some extent it is optional because the government gives the option for starting school the September after they turn 5

cadburyegg · 13/03/2026 23:09

Yabu

it is not difficult to find a buggy that will fit a 2.5 year old even if they are hypermobile. My ds2 is hypermobile and we used a buggy on/off til he was 4. It was not an issue. You need to prioritise getting your child to school. It’s not going to suddenly get easier as your baby gets older unless you take proactive steps to change the situation. With 3 young kids and a 2 mile trip to school there will always be an excuse not to take them - bad weather, teething baby, poorly toddler, etc etc etc. I have 2 children at primary and some kids at the school come from out of the village, all of them come by car, it just wouldn’t be possible otherwise. If learning to drive is not possible then it sounds like you need to move closer to a school. Otherwise in a few years you will have 3 kids missing school regularly and that will be a big problem.

DryadsRest · 13/03/2026 23:12

LegoFrame · 13/03/2026 23:07

@tinyyturtletwo suggestions from me: you can get a tag for the pushchair which says something like ‘SEN BUGGY, TREAT LIKE WHEELCHAIR’ or similar. I got mine on Amazon. Then you can show that to the bus driver and not have to fold. An alternative would be to ask for an actual wheelchair (talk to physio) at this point, it can have appropriate built in support and is functional in various ways.

good Ideas - and in addition to this you may well be entitled to DLA for your middle and first born children which will help you pay for specialist items you need like buggy’s taxis etc

TwoTuesday · 13/03/2026 23:12

Your partner/ husband needs to make sure his child gets to school too, it's not all on you. What is he doing about it? Would it make more sense for him to stay at home and do the school runs, and for you to work, if he's not got your health issues, he can drive etc?

Kirbert2 · 13/03/2026 23:13

You can get signs which say to treat the buggy like a wheelchair which means you will get priority on buses and shouldn't be asked to fold it.

Focus on what you can do instead of the things that can't be changed right now. Make sure that you apply for the mobility part of DLA and even if you can't learn how to drive, at least you'll be able to use it for taxis.

NN2020 · 13/03/2026 23:14

Parker231 · 13/03/2026 22:41

Learning by play whilst covering phonics, number patterns, language skills, understanding the world

Show quote history

all of which things he can easily learn at home via home ed

SueblueNZ · 13/03/2026 23:16

Your husband needs to pull his bloody finger out and provide practical help.
If necessary, hire a person for an hour each morning and/or afternoon to do the school run.
Take the advice of the person upthread who also has dyspraxia and get your licence and an automatic vehicle.

ThatLassFromLeeds · 13/03/2026 23:16

Make an appointment to speak to someone at school, and explain what you’ve said here. There may be options you haven’t thought of - as someone said, maybe getting a later bus and arriving a bit late (better than not arriving at all); perhaps a member of staff or another parent would pick him up for you (you could offer petrol money from the bus fare you’d be saving); maybe another parent gets a taxi and wouldn’t mind it picking up DS en route (again, you could offer the money you save in bus fare towards the taxi).

They may also know of more formal help that’s open to you; eg if there are any benefits you could claim, transport allowance etc.

In terms of the bus, you do need to just say that you can’t fold the buggy down, and ignore the tutting. Can you put the baby in a sling so that you have your hands free at least?

Is there anyone you could leave the younger 2 with while you do the school run? Or even just your middle child, and you take the baby with you in a sling?

Longer term, can your husband change his hours or get a new job? Can you move closer to school?

There are bound to be solutions out there, it’s just a case of finding out who can help and then accepting that help.

Boughy · 13/03/2026 23:16

Rycbar · 13/03/2026 23:02

I want to say this with so much love becuse I understand you’re struggling but you are absolutely setting your child up to fail by missing so much of Reception. I’m a Reception teacher and as much as it looks like we just play all day - it is such a crucial part of schooling. Many senior leaders I’ve met on training say they put their strongest teachers in early years becuse getting that right means eliminating most problems later on!! It’s so so crucial!

Well said. None of this is going to get easier in Sept - it might even be harder when the baby is bigger and DC2 is walking. And the longer you put off sorting it the more challenges will build for DC1 in school.

Some children do need to start school later but that should only be because it is in their interests, and that is not the driver here at all.