to keep him off school some days at the moment

[tinyyturtle]

hello first post so hope im doing this right

i have 3 boys ds1 is 4 and in reception ds2 is 2.5 and doesnt walk and ds3 is 10 weeks old today

school is about 2 miles away and i dont drive. walking isnt really possible for me as i have mobility problems myself so the bus is the only realistic way of doing it

ds2 technically still fits in a normal buggy but it doesnt support him properly and he kind of slumps to one side. he does have a sen buggy but its massive and its honestly a pain on the bus. half the time theres no space and trying to get on with that plus ds1 and the baby in a sling and bags is a whole thing

bus drivers also dont see it as a disabled buggy they just see a big buggy and expect me to fold it. which is hard because then i have to find somewhere safe to put ds2 while i fold it and hold the baby at the same time which isnt exactly easy

people do tut as well which doesnt help

some mornings its just chaos. if i take the big buggy i struggle getting it on and off and folding it while holding the baby. if i take the normal buggy ds2 just slides about and i feel bad about that

the baby cries a lot on the bus too which makes the whole thing more stressful

so the truth is ds1 has missed a fair bit of school recently. more than id like really. some mornings i just cant face doing the whole bus situation and i keep him home

i know reception isnt technically compulsory but i also know its not ideal for him missing days and i do feel guilty about it

aibu to just keep him off sometimes for now until the baby is a bit older and things settle down a bit or should i be pushing myself to get him there every day even if its a nightmare

im honestly exhausted at the moment and just wondering what other people would do in this situation

This is just a long list of excuses.

I said upthread your husband should apply for flexible working, has he done this?
Also could you learn to drive an automatic?

Apply for PIP for yourself and use the money towards childcare?

Neglect, seriously? Actually, in reception, he is there to play majority of the time!

You're going to have to "face" the bus journey.

OP your attitude is bizarre. Just one excuse after another.

@tinyyturtle would not worry about reception, at all.

What are your plans when he has to go into P1 though, you'll still be in the same position?

Speak to your mp or email them and explain why you need transport for your son. I did this when I was disabled and couldn't get my disabled child to school and didn't meet the criteria for school transport. My mp intervened and school transport was arranged. My child was picked up by a bus at home. Many mps will intervene in this kind of situation.

It's not easy but you need to fight your sons corner and make a strong case for needing transport.

If it’s only 2 miles how much would a taxi be just in the morning? Maybe just as a short term solution.

It does sound a hard commute when you factor in the SEN buggy and little baby.

This is educational neglect. It sounds horrid when phrased that way, but it's what you're doing to your son.

I'm putting it that bluntly in the hope it may act as a motivator for you to investigate some of the workable options PPs have suggested. Easy? No. Workable? Yes.

I think DH dropping DS at breakfast club, changing his hours at work if needed, is your best option. You then just do the journey home. Or look at home schooling and make the decision to remove him from the school and educate him at home whilst baby gets bigger.

All the best.

Learning by play whilst covering phonics, number patterns, language skills, understanding the world

Gosh really???

Definition: Neglect is the
persistent failure to meet a person's (usually a child's) basic physical, emotional, educational, or medical needs, leading to potential impairment of health or development.

Also have a read of the best start in life research and the curriculum for reception. Children progress the most between 0-5 than any other time of their life.

I don't mean this unkindly, because I can hear things are tough.
But school is not optional.

It isn't.

But all your posts are as if it is.
You have choice and agency.
Your children have a legal right to education
I can hear it's hard.
And I'm sorry

A two mile taxi journey would be around a tenner here! And that's just one way!

Can you get a new buggy which is easier to manage? City mini jogger will fit a tall, big child. And just not let the tuts, eye rolls etc stop you from getting the bus? In your shoes I would get up earlier to catch a less busy bus or allow for one passing with no space. I would treat getting to school as non-negotiable, honestly, but in saying that I don’t mean that it’s easy.

I think you should consider a taxi in the morning or an Uber.

Those saying to take it easy as he's in reception, I think reception is vital for them.
phonics, reading, numbers, the skills he is going to really need to manage in year 1

How many days has he missed?

He might mainly be there to play but the OP is legally obliged to get him there, once he turns 5. None of the problems the OP has described will magically disappear any time soon so what is the solution when he’s 5, or 6, or 7?

I’m sorry things are so hard at the moment. OP does your dyspraxia prevent you cycling? You could get a combination of seats plus an attached bike at the back so that DS1 can pedal too and is ‘biking to school’. If too tiring maybe even an e-bike…?!

Yes there are risks to this but remember there are risks to missing opportunities too, and not just for DS1.

It’s also not going to be any different next year. OP can’t drive or walk and the bus is difficult, nothing will be easier next year. They need a sustainable solution.

What supports have you already tried and reached out to?

It is not right to that your oldest child should be denied the right to schooling and it's social opportunities. You either need to get on with it, move schools, get PIP to enable taxis if your disability is substantial enough for it to be a barrier or your husband figure it out with his work/swap job.

You will need to sort it for next year anyway so you might as well tackle it now. DS2 is not going to be walking 4 miles each way by Sept.

Can DS2 go to preschool/nursery somewhere closer to home?

Appeal transport on medical grounds. Re-apply for PIP. Talk to school, they may be able to help or twist someone's arm to help you.

Failing these, or in the meantime, I think your best bet is going to be a patchwork solution. 10 trips a week. Taxi 3 trips, bus 4 trips, DH changes work hours to do 3 trips or something. I know taxi sounds expensive but it'll be a bit cheaper if it's a regular booking, it shouldn't cost that much for a 2 mile journey and long term you do need a way to get your eldest to school. A handful of taxis a week on a regular booking for a 2 mile journey could easily cost less than the depreciation, insurance, servicing, petrol etc cost of keeping a car running.

Everyone saying the council need to pay. What about when the other kids go? Should the council help there too?

OP you need to move nearer the school, use taxis, get DP involved properly or suck it up on the bus. Sorry but you have to take your child to school!

You need to move heaven and earth to get your school-aged child to school. If not you are setting them up for failure. You cannot continue as present. Sorry this sounds harsh, especially given your challenging circumstances, but it is true.

I would recheck the distance to school. Even if it is only 1.9miles, so within the statutory walking distance, if DS1 can’t reasonably be expected to walk that because of his hypermobility, transport can still be provided. While the LA doesn’t have the same duty to provide transport to DC below CSA, they can provide it.