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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to keep him off school some days at the moment

386 replies

tinyyturtle · 13/03/2026 21:24

hello first post so hope im doing this right

i have 3 boys ds1 is 4 and in reception ds2 is 2.5 and doesnt walk and ds3 is 10 weeks old today

school is about 2 miles away and i dont drive. walking isnt really possible for me as i have mobility problems myself so the bus is the only realistic way of doing it

ds2 technically still fits in a normal buggy but it doesnt support him properly and he kind of slumps to one side. he does have a sen buggy but its massive and its honestly a pain on the bus. half the time theres no space and trying to get on with that plus ds1 and the baby in a sling and bags is a whole thing

bus drivers also dont see it as a disabled buggy they just see a big buggy and expect me to fold it. which is hard because then i have to find somewhere safe to put ds2 while i fold it and hold the baby at the same time which isnt exactly easy

people do tut as well which doesnt help

some mornings its just chaos. if i take the big buggy i struggle getting it on and off and folding it while holding the baby. if i take the normal buggy ds2 just slides about and i feel bad about that

the baby cries a lot on the bus too which makes the whole thing more stressful

so the truth is ds1 has missed a fair bit of school recently. more than id like really. some mornings i just cant face doing the whole bus situation and i keep him home

i know reception isnt technically compulsory but i also know its not ideal for him missing days and i do feel guilty about it

aibu to just keep him off sometimes for now until the baby is a bit older and things settle down a bit or should i be pushing myself to get him there every day even if its a nightmare

im honestly exhausted at the moment and just wondering what other people would do in this situation

OP posts:
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Figgygal · 13/03/2026 21:45

Where's your partner in this?
You need support as no it's not ok to keep your eldest off school
Is there nowhere closer for them to go?
Any school transport options?

Original poster
tinyyturtle · 13/03/2026 21:51

yes it is our nearest school

a few people asked about my partner, he leaves very early for work so he cant do the school run unfortunately

also no family close enough to help

ds2 has hyper mobility and low muscle tone which is why he doesnt walk yet and needs the extra support in the buggy

i honestly cant walk there and back twice a day. id end up in a lot of pain and i also need to be able to lift ds2 and the baby during the day so if i overdo it in the morning it kind of ruins the rest of the day

i do want ds1 in school and i know its important which is why i feel guilty about the days he has missed. im not just keeping him off for no reason its just some mornings the whole bus situation with the buggy and baby and everything feels impossible

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 13/03/2026 21:54

You need more help. School will have or will soon raise his frequent absences, you need to talk to them about your struggles.

ChasingMoreSleep · 13/03/2026 21:55

I second @Mingspingpongball, you need a treat as wheelchair sign for DS2’s SN buggy. I’m afraid you need to grow a tough skin too and advocate for the SN buggy to be treated the same as a wheelchair.

@SemiSober the motability scheme isn’t available to under 3s. HRM DLA is only available from 3. Until recently Family Fund jointly ran a scheme to provide vehicles for some families under 3, but that has now ended.

Sunshineclouds11 · 13/03/2026 21:55

Any child minders around who can do the school runs? Even afew days a week would help.

Wolfiefan · 13/03/2026 21:55

It’s not impossible to get him there. He needs to be in school. Either you or your OH need to get him there. It’s part of the responsibility of being a parent.

ChasingMoreSleep · 13/03/2026 21:58

If the school is your nearest school, check exactly how far the shortest walking route is. If it is more than 2 miles, apply for transport. The council can provide transport to those below CSA, but once DS is CSA, the LA has a transport duty.

WhatNoRaisins · 13/03/2026 21:58

I think I agree with the consensus, you're clearly in a difficult situation but your DC needs to be able to attend school. Is there any potential to relocate somewhere closer to a school? Is hiring someone to take your DC to school at least some of the week an option?

Pippa12 · 13/03/2026 22:00

I get it’s hard but he really needs to be going to school no matter how hard you find it.

Could you get a taxi/uber for those mornings that feel overwhelming?

Is there a childminder/breakfast club nearby that could drop the child off?

If not you’re going to have to repeatedly say to yourself that it won’t be this tough for ever, then get on with it as a parent.

You will make a rod for your back if your child misses reception and thinks school is optional. It’s not how you want to start out.

hopspot · 13/03/2026 22:00

Would you qualify for a mobility scooter?
Can you take driving lessons?
what time does your dp work?

PinkPomeloFruit · 13/03/2026 22:01

This reply has been deleted

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PottedPate · 13/03/2026 22:02

Do you receive PIP (for either yourself or your child)? Might be worth applying? (I appreciate it's hard to get)

Or speak to the school or social services. There might be something they can do... You never know until you ask

Sassysia · 13/03/2026 22:02

Have you always had mobility issues or has this happened since having your youngest? Were you managing to get him to school before you had the baby? I feel you must’ve known what you had in store with the school run. I’m not saying it’s not difficult but what did you think would happen with 3 children under the age of 4 and living 2 miles away from school plus the added issues you have. I feel for you I do, but you must’ve known it was going to be tricky!

WhatNoRaisins · 13/03/2026 22:02

Or is there someone you could pay to look after the 2 year old for some school runs?

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 13/03/2026 22:04

I thought this was going to be about a child struggling to adjust at school and needing a a flexi-schooling arrangement but this is not about him but about his siblings which isn't fair. I doubt you're able to do much (or any) learning with him at home either with a disabled 2 yo and a newborn.

The options are:

  • Dad drops off 2.5 yo at nursery on his way to work.
  • You enrol DS in an early morning breakfast club and Dad drops him off there before school.
  • You enrol DS in a different school closer to your home

Just not taking him to school isn't an option.

If Dad is leaving too early to help with the other two options and you can't cope with all 3 children, he needs to change jobs to make it work.

DS will not only be missing the building blocks of learning to read, write and maths but also a lot of the social side of things and bonding, and if you can't manage it now, it won't get easier in Y1.

Pricelessadvice · 13/03/2026 22:06

Did you had your health issues before you had these children?

School is not optional. You had to get your child to school. Did you not think about the logistics of this?

Could you get a mobility scooter?

ScarlettSarah · 13/03/2026 22:09

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Nasty post. It isn't always so simple to just move, just find another job, etc.

OP, have a look on the gov.uk website about school transport for your eldest- it sounds like he would be eligible?

GirlofInkandStars · 13/03/2026 22:09

If this is the nearest school to you and it is more than 2 miles away you may be able to get some help for school transport. Ask the school for help and they may be able to request support from the council

Lougle · 13/03/2026 22:09

Mobility allowances don't happen before the age of 3 and @tinyyturtle doesn't drive.

If the school is more than 2 miles you may get transport. Even if not, it's possible that the LA will provide it if it's necessary to facilitate attendance. Speak to your HT.

Bitsandbobs2 · 13/03/2026 22:10

Speak with school. There was a single mum with 3 kids (4,2,1) with disability at our school. Staff was volunteering to help her with school runs for almost 2 years.

JehovasFitness · 13/03/2026 22:10

I agree that you ideally need support but if you can’t get it then I’m afraid you’re going to have to push through and get your child to school. It just isn’t optional because it feels hard.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/03/2026 22:11

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 13/03/2026 22:04

I thought this was going to be about a child struggling to adjust at school and needing a a flexi-schooling arrangement but this is not about him but about his siblings which isn't fair. I doubt you're able to do much (or any) learning with him at home either with a disabled 2 yo and a newborn.

The options are:

  • Dad drops off 2.5 yo at nursery on his way to work.
  • You enrol DS in an early morning breakfast club and Dad drops him off there before school.
  • You enrol DS in a different school closer to your home

Just not taking him to school isn't an option.

If Dad is leaving too early to help with the other two options and you can't cope with all 3 children, he needs to change jobs to make it work.

DS will not only be missing the building blocks of learning to read, write and maths but also a lot of the social side of things and bonding, and if you can't manage it now, it won't get easier in Y1.

This.

It’s not reasonable just to say DP leaves early and “can’t” - a way has to be found.

A breakfast club so DP can drop the eldest, a nursery or childminder for DC2 for a couple of hours that DP can get him to, a change in hours so that DP can help in the mornings. A change in job if needs be. Or as a last resort, move house!

The load that you are left with in the current situation is too much for one person, clearly.

A “treat as wheelchair” sign for the buggy might help, as pps have suggested, but it sounds like it’ll still be hard.

Or speak to the LA about transport to school.

MrsMitford3 · 13/03/2026 22:12

What happens next year when he is in Year 1?

PinkPomeloFruit · 13/03/2026 22:12

@ScarlettSarah none of that is the child’s problem. You don’t keep having kids when you can’t even get them to school! Poor kids. My post is blunt but it is not nasty. I genuinely can’t believe what I’ve read.

Saracen · 13/03/2026 22:12

I agree with others who say the situation isn't going to get easier any time soon, but I disagree that that means you should suck it up. It's exhausting and stressful. You can't carry on like this.

You've taken up the offer of an optional early start to school. Your child doesn't reach "Compulsory School Age" until the term after his fifth birthday. Unless he turns five by the end of March, he'll reach CSA in the autumn. Reception is meant to be a gentle start to school. He doesn't have to go every day to get the benefit of it. And you cannot yet be fined over his attendance. Take it easy for now. Would it work better to go into school a bit later, once the buses are less full? Children who are below CSA have the absolute right to attend school part time - see the School Admissions Code.

You will need to come up with a viable plan for the autumn. Maybe look into having a childminder do the school run, or moving closer to the school, or home educating. There has to be a better solution than continuing indefinitely with an arrangement which isn't working for your family.