to keep him off school some days at the moment

[tinyyturtle]

hello first post so hope im doing this right

i have 3 boys ds1 is 4 and in reception ds2 is 2.5 and doesnt walk and ds3 is 10 weeks old today

school is about 2 miles away and i dont drive. walking isnt really possible for me as i have mobility problems myself so the bus is the only realistic way of doing it

ds2 technically still fits in a normal buggy but it doesnt support him properly and he kind of slumps to one side. he does have a sen buggy but its massive and its honestly a pain on the bus. half the time theres no space and trying to get on with that plus ds1 and the baby in a sling and bags is a whole thing

bus drivers also dont see it as a disabled buggy they just see a big buggy and expect me to fold it. which is hard because then i have to find somewhere safe to put ds2 while i fold it and hold the baby at the same time which isnt exactly easy

people do tut as well which doesnt help

some mornings its just chaos. if i take the big buggy i struggle getting it on and off and folding it while holding the baby. if i take the normal buggy ds2 just slides about and i feel bad about that

the baby cries a lot on the bus too which makes the whole thing more stressful

so the truth is ds1 has missed a fair bit of school recently. more than id like really. some mornings i just cant face doing the whole bus situation and i keep him home

i know reception isnt technically compulsory but i also know its not ideal for him missing days and i do feel guilty about it

aibu to just keep him off sometimes for now until the baby is a bit older and things settle down a bit or should i be pushing myself to get him there every day even if its a nightmare

im honestly exhausted at the moment and just wondering what other people would do in this situation

That may be true, but OP’s oldest is spending all his time with a tiny baby and a non-mobile toddler with additional needs. There is no mention of play groups, meeting up with friends or similar. That cannot be better for his social development than spending time with a range of other children (which is something he would also get at school - Reception children are not isolated from the rest of the school so he would have e.g. break time with older children as well as his own class). And whatever the research says, if OP’s intention is for him to attend school he will need to integrate into his class, all of whom will be used to playing with their peers and with older children as well as younger siblings at home. That means he will be behind, socially as well as educationally.

I only mentioned soft plays because the poster I was replying to had given that as an example of something OP might do with her children. I was pointing out that in fact the children seem to lead a very narrow life of home, local park and local shops, with no mention of wider activities and experiences like going to groups, meeting friends, walks in the woods or on the beach and so on.

I don’t think they’re great environments-too busy, too noisy, and often questionable hygiene-wise. I’d much rather choose activities where I can be more involved with my kids (unlike the parents who sit there scrolling on their phone while their kids wreck the place and are little shits to the other kids).

But why do you think soft play is superior to going to local parks/shops? Kids love being involved in normal daily life/errands and it can actually be educational (eg going to the post office and leaning about that).

It's really hard for a physically disabled parent to help their children reach the CMO/NHS guidance for physical activity.

Children need to be very active in the early years. If the parent isn't physically able then they need to find ways of facilitating activities and opportunities for their dc to be active. Soft play is a really good way of ensuring lots of heart rate increasing exercise for the dc that doesn't rely on the adult also walking/running/cycling too. Be snobby if you like but indoor play areas are a godsend for disabled children and parents of children of different ages.

Taking children of different ages and abilities to an outdoor park when being cold and wet can affect your own health and when 2 of them are non mobile and require lifting and carrying around and then one wants pushing and chasing and could run off and you can't catch them....as opposed to the bon weight bearing toddler being able to play in a ball pit with you while you hold the baby and the older one can do slides etc hallway and you know they can't get out.

There is no way the children in this situation doing the activities described, very occasionally, are getting anything like enough physical exercise. Suggesting a soft play would have benefits is not the heinous crime you're making it out to be.

To the child.

A lot of this thread is missing the child in its discussion.

Because rain.

I don’t think that - as I said in my previous post, I only mentioned soft play because another poster was suggesting it was something OP might be doing with her children. Personally I would rather be outside with mine, or go swimming, or (in OP’s position) take them to e.g. forest school groups or mini music classes. However, the point is that the OP’s description of her days at home with the children make it clear that all they are doing outside the home is going to the local park and local shops. That is not giving her oldest equivalent opportunities to learn and socialise as he would be getting at school, meaning he will be behind in Y1 when attendance is compulsory.

I'm sorry but going to the park and hanging out at home isn't really giving them broad educational opportunities.

You've been wilfully rude in your post by calling me dim. If you see that as behaviour fitting of an educator then the shame is all on you and I feel very sorry for your pupils and their carers.

Beyond that, I think you are confused. School starting age is enormously influential and no, it doesn't matter at age 4 if they miss chunks of school because it should be play based, as it is at nursery where plenty of 4 years old attend for fewer than 5 full days a week. Until fairly recently there were multiple start points throughout the reception year also, which did not cause children to 'fall behind'. There should not be any formal instruction in reception and therefore nothing to 'fall behind' from. If this is not the environment in the OPs (or your school's) reception the children there are being failed.

I won't expect the apology you should provide for being so utterly awful in your post, but maybe bear in mind how you are coming across as a teacher of young children when you accuse someone of being 'dim' because they have an outlook different from your own.

Beyond that, I think you are confused. School starting age is enormously influential and no, it doesn't matter at age 4 if they miss chunks of school because it should be play based, as it is at nursery where plenty of 4 years old attend for fewer than 5 full days a week. Until fairly recently there were multiple start points throughout the reception year also, which did not cause children to 'fall behind'. There should not be any formal instruction in reception and therefore nothing to 'fall behind' from. If this is not the environment in the OPs (or your school's) reception the children there are being failed.

This just isn’t true. According to the national curriculum there is formal instruction in Reception - children learn all the phonic sounds and are expected to be reading simple books and writing a sentence by the end of the year. That learning usually takes place in small chunks of focussed time, with much of the rest of the day spent on play-based, free flow provision, but it remains the case that a child who turns up in Y1 not knowing any phonic sounds and unable to write will be behind. The school can and should help them catch up, of course, but there is no need for OP’s child to be behind if she can just sort out a way to get him to school. It’s completely untrue that children “formally”learning phonics in Reception are being failed - in fact they are being supported to meet the early learning goals and to be in a good position to progress to Y1.

Whether you think school starting age is too young or whatever, the point is that OP’s child is enrolled in school, but doesn’t know day to day whether he’s going to be there. You can make an argument for starting at a later age, or even for agreeing with school that he’ll do 3 days a week, or not come in till 10 or whatever; the problem here is that it’s totally chaotic and he has no idea what his routine is supposed to be.

OP, you’ve had some good suggestions on here; hopefully you can start to act on them rather than dismissing them out of hand. At the very least, please speak to school and see what help they can give/direct you to.