to keep him off school some days at the moment

[tinyyturtle]

hello first post so hope im doing this right

i have 3 boys ds1 is 4 and in reception ds2 is 2.5 and doesnt walk and ds3 is 10 weeks old today

school is about 2 miles away and i dont drive. walking isnt really possible for me as i have mobility problems myself so the bus is the only realistic way of doing it

ds2 technically still fits in a normal buggy but it doesnt support him properly and he kind of slumps to one side. he does have a sen buggy but its massive and its honestly a pain on the bus. half the time theres no space and trying to get on with that plus ds1 and the baby in a sling and bags is a whole thing

bus drivers also dont see it as a disabled buggy they just see a big buggy and expect me to fold it. which is hard because then i have to find somewhere safe to put ds2 while i fold it and hold the baby at the same time which isnt exactly easy

people do tut as well which doesnt help

some mornings its just chaos. if i take the big buggy i struggle getting it on and off and folding it while holding the baby. if i take the normal buggy ds2 just slides about and i feel bad about that

the baby cries a lot on the bus too which makes the whole thing more stressful

so the truth is ds1 has missed a fair bit of school recently. more than id like really. some mornings i just cant face doing the whole bus situation and i keep him home

i know reception isnt technically compulsory but i also know its not ideal for him missing days and i do feel guilty about it

aibu to just keep him off sometimes for now until the baby is a bit older and things settle down a bit or should i be pushing myself to get him there every day even if its a nightmare

im honestly exhausted at the moment and just wondering what other people would do in this situation

Please speak to your child's school on Monday morning. He needs to be in school - This year is fundamental in setting him up to be successful.

Hi @tinyyturtle . I expect you knew in your heart of hearts what people were going to say so not sure what you were hoping for.

You really do need to find a way to deal with this. It is no use feeling guilty, this is not a case of not being able to get him the best toy where it doesn’t really matter, schooling is vital and patterns set early influence the rest of their lives.

Put baby in a sling and presumably it’s just then the same as it was before baby arrived, just with a weight vest. Where do your problems come from, are they new? If not how did you manage them before?

Lots of other good advice about contacting the local authority but could you cycle and get one of those Dutch trolleys that can sit a couple of kids. I know it might sound a bit scary but you’d soon get the hang of it and might be easier in you that n walking.

Good luck.

Has your partner made a flexible working request so he can do at least one of the school runs?

If the school is more than two miles away, apply for home to school transport when your child is about to reach the age of 5. You will be entitled to it as he goes to the nearest suitable school.

You need to get your child to school.

https://www.disability-grants.org/grants-for-disabled-parents.html.
Have a look at this website.

Perhaps ask for a care needs assessment yourself to see if they can provide help with transporting kids to school

It sounds really hard. Are there any school parents who could help? Perhaps your partner could drop your eldest off early at a school friend's a few mornings a week and they take him to school? Ask the school for help, maybe they could help put you in touch with families that live near you?

What about next year when you are back at work after maternity leave? Will the younger two be in nursery? Could the middle one do some nursery now?

You either need to walk or get the bus but you can't not take a child to school. In 2 years time you will have two to get to school and yourself to go work. It's going to get harder not easier. You need a longer term plan.

This is clearly not sustainable so you need to find a solution. Keeping your child off school is not the way forward.

Is there an early school breakfast club your partner can drop off at? Speak to the school and see if they have any suggestions or can signpost you to someone who can help. Or Could you learn to drive perhaps? You are at the start of school runs which you will be doing for years so need a suitable
long term solution as school attendance is so important.

https://www.gov.uk/tax-free-childcare/check-if-youre-eligible

You may be eligible for tax free childcare. Perhaps find childminder who would do pickup and drop off for you? Or a TA from the school you could pay

Well, your post has been deleted - and it wasn't me who reported it so I'm guessing others agreed it was nasty too.

You know, OP might well not have realised the extent of her DC2's disabilities before going for a third. Or might not have realised how tough the school journey was going to be with the disability buggy etc (which btw OP, you should not have to fold up, as it is effectively a wheelchair).

I'm not sure why you feel the need to come here and kick someone when they're down, but I suspect it says more about you than it does about OP. Do you have any constructive suggestions that might help remedy the situation?

i have dyspraxia and i cant drive because of it. i did try lessons when i was younger but it just wasnt safe and the instructor told me to stop in the end

before the baby came i did actually walk it most days. but honestly i was completely done in by the time i got home and ds1 struggled with the walk as well. he has hypermobility too, not as severe as ds2 but he does get tired and complains his legs hurt sometimes. hes only 4 as well so it wasnt exactly a quick walk

someone asked about school transport. we looked into it but we arent entitled because its something like 1.9 miles and at his age they said they dont provide it anyway

i also dont get pip

we cant afford to move closer and we cant afford a childminder either. a few suggested breakfast club but ds1 would really struggle with that i think, he finds new situations quite overwhelming

dh does do pick up some days but not very often because hes usually in meetings in the afternoon. also if im honest hes not the most helpful with school info. he will say oh the teacher spoke to me and then when i ask what about he says he cant remember which just leaves me worrying what it might have been about

Surely breakfast club is less traumatic than missing loads of days of school?

Your son can't stay off school, it's as simple as that. School is compulsory from the age of 5. So he legally has to be in school the term after his 5th birthday. Up until that time it's not compulsory. However, you haven't deferred his Reception placement, you've started him in full-time education. I'm not sure you can now decide to change that with the LEA.

Ultimately, you have to find a solution, keeping your son off school is a quick fix. The issue is still going to be there in 2 weeks time or 4 months time. If your partner can't help, and you have no family support, then unfortunately you are going to need to catch the bus every day, regardless of the inconvenience. I would advise you speak to the school, and explain the situation.

Are there any parents of other children, who go to the same school, who could help?

Look for childcare options. Is there a before and/or after school club DH can drop off/collect from? A local childminder who can take him? A nanny? Missing school isn't an option, he needs to be in every day.
If you don't think you can afford childcare, are you getting DLA for DC2? PIP for yourself? It seems these disabilities are preventing you from getting your child to school and disability benefits are there to cover extra costs relating to disabilities.

Local childminders will do school drop off / collection. Can you see if there’s one close to you within walking distance that you could drop your son to easily. They could then collect for you too and you could pick up from them

He needs to be at school. He needs to learn. It is his parents' responsibility to get him to school so if you are struggling, you need to ask for help.
(One might question why you went on to have 3 children, but that ship has sailed, so....).

Haven't read the full thread, but might DS1 be entitled to transport to and from school?

I think I would be inclined to try the breakfast club, if the timings work with your partner's work. Ds1 may well not love it, but he will adapt, as the other children do. You never know, he might even enjoy it after a while.

Do not collapse your buggy on the bus - it’s a disabled buggy. You wouldn’t expect a wheelchair user to collapse their wheelchair.

I was in the exact situation as you, many years ago, dc now 19, 17 and 15. I used to use a double buggy for the younger 2 and used rolled up towels to support ds2 to stop him slumping. There is also something that I think is called a go to seat that you can put in a buggy, swing etc for extra support. I used to either walk to school or get on a bus 2 buses earlier than needed so i had a higher chance of getting the buggy on one of the 3 buses.

I also worked out that the cost of breakfast club for ds1 was cheaper than the bus fare to school and back so dh used to take ds1 to breakfast club before work and i would do the afternoon school run.

It was really hard and I used to dread the school run. I completely understand how you feel.

It sounds like you’re making a lot of excuses and dismissing all suitable options because you can’t be bothered.

If your son attending school also has mobility issues, what support is in place for them? If he isn’t capable of the distance walking can the school help you to access transport? Who have you actually sought support from, how, and what were the outcomes?

You need to find an alternative to not sending him. It is neglect and you are failing your son’s future success. Every child deserves the best start in life. Look at the statistics for later outcomes. He’s not there to play!

I’d take it easy. He doesn’t need to be there. Many parents don’t even send their child to any nursery or school until they are the compulsory age. There is evidence that the UK age of 5 is a bit young. A disabled child can even be deferred for a year and start when 6.

I would take it easy and work on a sustainable solution. Can you learn to drive? If so, learn and get a second car? See if you are short any disability benefits for you or your DC that could help with the costs. Talk to the school, they sometimes can help with the financial costs of transport if you’re more than a few miles away and it’s the closest/only school or if your child has mobility limits such that they cannot walk to school.

Are you homeschooling when he’s off school?

Have you considered home educating (at least temporarily)? It’s very basic at this age, only takes and hour or 2 a day (because it’s 1 to 1 so doesn’t doesn’t take all day) and would certainly be easier than doing that crazy commute every morning.