to keep him off school some days at the moment

[tinyyturtle]

hello first post so hope im doing this right

i have 3 boys ds1 is 4 and in reception ds2 is 2.5 and doesnt walk and ds3 is 10 weeks old today

school is about 2 miles away and i dont drive. walking isnt really possible for me as i have mobility problems myself so the bus is the only realistic way of doing it

ds2 technically still fits in a normal buggy but it doesnt support him properly and he kind of slumps to one side. he does have a sen buggy but its massive and its honestly a pain on the bus. half the time theres no space and trying to get on with that plus ds1 and the baby in a sling and bags is a whole thing

bus drivers also dont see it as a disabled buggy they just see a big buggy and expect me to fold it. which is hard because then i have to find somewhere safe to put ds2 while i fold it and hold the baby at the same time which isnt exactly easy

people do tut as well which doesnt help

some mornings its just chaos. if i take the big buggy i struggle getting it on and off and folding it while holding the baby. if i take the normal buggy ds2 just slides about and i feel bad about that

the baby cries a lot on the bus too which makes the whole thing more stressful

so the truth is ds1 has missed a fair bit of school recently. more than id like really. some mornings i just cant face doing the whole bus situation and i keep him home

i know reception isnt technically compulsory but i also know its not ideal for him missing days and i do feel guilty about it

aibu to just keep him off sometimes for now until the baby is a bit older and things settle down a bit or should i be pushing myself to get him there every day even if its a nightmare

im honestly exhausted at the moment and just wondering what other people would do in this situation

2 things can be true at the same time. You can have it tougher than others because you now have 3 children and 2 have extra needs and also just not be that bothered about meeting your child's basic needs. The first doesn't automatically mean you get the right to not be criticised for not doing good enough for your child - which enrolling him in school and then not bothering is.

I still think you are ignoring advice about talking to the school. You haven't acknowledged any comments asking whether you have asked then for help at all, as while you say you aren't struggling with 3 children, the fact you can't get one to school suggests you are. You also have ignored the fact that once they are year 1 they need to be in school and seem to be unwilling to test the waters now with things like breakfast club.
If your child is fussy can you send them with their cereal? Though my school have about 4-5 different choices. Again talking to the school would help you, but it sounds like you don't want to do this.
The same with saying you don't get anything for your eldest financially because their needs aren't severe enough. Who's the judge of that? Do they have a formal diagnosis or are you seeking one?

Literacy = being read to at 4
Maths = counting the strawberries for a snack/ducks in the pond.

Imaginary play and role-playing, free play, helping with jobs at home, playing or helping with siblings, running around the garden, jumping on puddles, going to the park, supermarket or library, all of these are learning experiences. At 4 a child could go to nursery, but this would be more about giving mum a break than being necessary for development.

It's really not hard to provide these opportunities at home. The national curriculum is incredibly flawed not the gold standard many outside of education seem to believe it is.

The examples are literally in the post. How much clearer does OP need to be?

Being a parent is about ensuring ALL the child’s needs are met. It’s great that you can cope at home but your child needs to be at school.
You seem to be making up a lot of excuses. How about give breakfast club a try rather than putting a block up at every suggestion anyone makes.

Do the kids do anything more than go to the park?

That is just incorrect. Sorry, I've posted on why already so won't repeat. Keeping pace just isn't how learning for children works, or should be expected to work, at age 5/Y1. There just some much misunderstanding of what leaening is on this thread, it's really quite disturbing. Assessment and the associated data is not for the child's benefit and is not learning. Many a teacher will tell you that.

Going to the park and watching tv. You must be joking if you think that’s what they do in reception 🤣

Who said reception at 4 was right though? I think it's a mistake to imagine because you can send a child into a formal academic environment at 4 that you should.

And yes, going to the park and watching some TV alongside playing with toys, reading books, helping with household jobs, interacting with siblings, having imaginative play are all important learning experiences for a 4 year old. Being securely attached is also a massive advantage for future outcomes.

Children can play with toys, go to the park and be read to at home alongside going to school. With two very demanding younger siblings there will be a lot more mooching infront of the tv and wasted time that simply wouldn’t happen at school.

Whatever your opinion about when children start school, in England most children start at 4 and if you don’t you need support to catch up.

You can get signs for special needs buggies, asking people to treat them as a wheelchair.

None of mine started school before the age of 7, didn't hinder them they're all top of their classes. But I did make sure to teach them reading at home and basic numbers but that was all. I've got 5 kids from 6months to 14 years. Our school is 2 miles away also. But I am able to walk it. However I don't go in if it's pouring with rain or snow etc. I wouldn't stress just make effort at home to look at basics like learning days of the weeks / phonics etc. If you can manage at home without school then just deregister him for a year or so..don't spend first year of new babies life stressed out it isn't worth it x

'Support to catch up'. No that's wrong. Check out the research

So they can learn how to behave with others. My autistic four year old is a bit too pushy so he is being taught what he should or shouldn't do in his preschool nursery.

It’s not wrong. Do you work in a school? The op has chosen to send their child to school.

Children who are behind age related expectations in school can suffer with low self worth as they naturally compare themselves with the rest of their class.

It’s all very well talking about research but the reality of life in a classroom is very different. You’re not helping the op suggesting otherwise.

So how often do you kids attend if you don't want to walk in the rain? My kids go and walk to school in rain. Education is important.

So socialising, generally? Which doesn't exclusively happen in reception? Which happens in nursery, the family, the park, the library music session, the shop, on the bus. Everywhere where there are other people is a social environment. But secure attachment comes first and is an important precursor to wider social skills. Confidence has been shown to be higher in children who start school later and anxiety higher in those starting earlier. Forcing socialisation before a child is ready isn't necessary. I don't specialise in autism so don't know if you have specific advice you are following but the OP didn't mention that her child is autistic.

Yes exactly my thoughts too

Does it sounds to you like he socialises with other children? Sounds like it is literally his siblings. Children don't have to be forced to be friends etc but they be close and watch them and learn things.

Their attendance is in the low 80% this is my primary children..my secondary school kids their attendance is almost 100%. Bad attendance has never negatively impacted my children. All I'm ever told at parents evenings is how they are top % in every subject and a pleasure to have in the classroom so clearly isn't holding them back. I'm lucky to be a stay at home parent and I love keeping them home. I'd have happily kept them home but they all the choice to attend from 6 and wanted to. My teens school is far as well but they're happy to bike/ scoot in with their friends. Being lax with their attendance in primary hasn't given them a bad ethic for attendance later on. The opposite actually.
School isn't a one size fits all and education doesn't just happen in the classroom.

You mentioned your MIL - would she be able to look after your DS2 while you do the school run with DS1 and the baby? Even if she could only do a couple of days a week, that would be helpful.

Edited- duplicate post

This is possibly true and all good and well at reception but you are ignoring the fact that the OP and her husband seem to have neither the infrastructure or the resilience to cope with education in the wider sense.

You can argue the toss about what counts as education and when a child should start school. But there will come a point where its essential that these children are either sent to school regularly or properly home educated.

The OP hasn’t been able to cope with managing taking one of her three children to school on the bus and the husband seems absolutely useless or possibly abusive. She needs to get some structure in place to enable her either to get them to school or to home educate them. Refusing to try breakfast club because of a vague sense that her oldest child won’t like the food points to someone who lacks either the resilience or the organisational skills, or who doesn’t have the support, to manage this.

You’re entitled to your opinion on mainstream education but you are glossing over some of the more worrying aspects of this post, that the OP is vulnerable and struggling and needs some intervention.

She hasn't said that her child doesn't want to go to school, either, only that she struggles with the bus journey,
It wouldn't be for his benefit if she pulls him out of school.
If you have kids, can't drive, struggle to walk far, public transport is a nightmare and your partner won't help, you need to live very close to the school, shops, doctors etc. Even with non disabled kids. That's obvious. They have had nearly 5 years to plan for this.

No need to do any kind of formal education yet. That would solve the bus issue straight off. Stay at home and look after the children. And that is OPs main issue right now.

Not my opinion, it's research that says school is not the best place for a 4 year old. Too late for OP but someone else may become aware that they don't have to do this and can use childcare hours instead if that helps. Sorry that the OP didn't seem to realise this was an option.

September is 6 months off and OP is asking for advice to help sort this. Other's have mentioned help that can be attained due to the middle child's disability, something which they may have had no idea about the extent of when applying for older child's school place almost a year and a half ago. This is a huge factor for the family and if the school know and are not trying to help the OP I would be looking for another school. Not a nurturing environment and a huge red flag. Refusing to farm out a toddler for even more hours a day to a breakfast club looks like good parenting to me.

Or could the council assist with a taxi to school for the 4 year old? If they have SEN needs this is something you can look into I believe