to keep him off school some days at the moment

[tinyyturtle]

hello first post so hope im doing this right

i have 3 boys ds1 is 4 and in reception ds2 is 2.5 and doesnt walk and ds3 is 10 weeks old today

school is about 2 miles away and i dont drive. walking isnt really possible for me as i have mobility problems myself so the bus is the only realistic way of doing it

ds2 technically still fits in a normal buggy but it doesnt support him properly and he kind of slumps to one side. he does have a sen buggy but its massive and its honestly a pain on the bus. half the time theres no space and trying to get on with that plus ds1 and the baby in a sling and bags is a whole thing

bus drivers also dont see it as a disabled buggy they just see a big buggy and expect me to fold it. which is hard because then i have to find somewhere safe to put ds2 while i fold it and hold the baby at the same time which isnt exactly easy

people do tut as well which doesnt help

some mornings its just chaos. if i take the big buggy i struggle getting it on and off and folding it while holding the baby. if i take the normal buggy ds2 just slides about and i feel bad about that

the baby cries a lot on the bus too which makes the whole thing more stressful

so the truth is ds1 has missed a fair bit of school recently. more than id like really. some mornings i just cant face doing the whole bus situation and i keep him home

i know reception isnt technically compulsory but i also know its not ideal for him missing days and i do feel guilty about it

aibu to just keep him off sometimes for now until the baby is a bit older and things settle down a bit or should i be pushing myself to get him there every day even if its a nightmare

im honestly exhausted at the moment and just wondering what other people would do in this situation

https://activateforkids.co.uk/tandem-buggy/

www.fledglings.org.uk/products/the-tandem-buggy?srsltid=AfmBOoqFcq5hlCqz_IGs1McyNLmVEMkn3weKjerm4ImxzN9eBmjd7-bx

These pushchairs are really expensive but the guy at GEMZ is so helpful, he might be able to source something that works for you that is less expensive or perhaps consider a Go Fund Me page or look for grants (Family Fund etc).

My child would eat breakfast at home and then a second breakfast at breakfast club sometimes - the food there was hit or miss but he enjoyed playing with his friends before school either way. Seems the obvious solution.

Unless you’re aiming to withdraw him, you should get a routine together now before you have two toddlers to haul around.

I'm sorry if this sounds unkind but part of coping with children is ensuring that they have access to an education. I think you need to give breakfast club a chance, it's probably the least worse option.

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/588099181/treat-as-wheelchair-sign-disabled-buggy?gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_uk_en_gb_d-bath_and_beauty&utm_custom1=k_CjwKCAjwjtTNBhB0EiwAuswYhgxq2T41RyHin8d2WR3XBdojeGRA_wEHHF7CWtdx6bgUHQ78lvyaVhoCwyQQAvD_BwE_k&utm_content=go_21811975374_169452893496_717564634727_pla-314548487700_m__588099181engb_117098157&utm_custom2=21811975374&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=21811975374&gbraid=0AAAAADutTMexMMeZvYqRpIaKdyT49MG34&gclid=CjwKCAjwjtTNBhB0EiwAuswYhgxq2T41RyHin8d2WR3XBdojeGRA_wEHHF7CWtdx6bgUHQ78lvyaVhoCwyQQAvD_BwE

Sorry for the long URL. It's a link to a 'Please treat as a wheelchair sign to gang off a buggy '

The school run IS part of coping with three children and you seem to think this is optional.

It doesn’t matter if your child doesn’t eat breakfast. A child won’t let themselves starve. Send them with something they will eat if they are hungry or give them breakfast first.

What have you actually tried or what are you willing to try? What solutions do you have?

At the moment, your list of worries and excuses are all far less significant than messing up your child’s life chances. Yes, this might sound brutal, but somebody needs to advocate for your child because you aren’t.

Exactly this.
also while your day sounds nice it’s not appropriate or fair for your 4 year old to routinely miss school. He is missing out on socialising and learning and will fall behind before you notice it. Watching tv and going to the park is not an appropriate replacement for going to school. What’s your long term plan? How will you manage when your baby is older?

Is there another buggy that would suit your DS2 without being to big for the bus? Maybe sth like this that folds in a click: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ickle-Bubba-Aries-Autofold-Stroller/dp/B0CHWF7WV5
It has several inclination so hopefully one setting that keeps him nice and straight?

https://www.facebook.com/share/1DMThz3XsE/product

It’s great that you cope well at home, but I think getting your children to school is a pretty important parental responsibility. Reception might not be mandatory for your son, but Y1 onwards will be and it doesn’t sound as though your situation is going to change?

I do think you should at least try breakfast club as that seems like the most straightforward option. But realistically, if you’re convinced there are no other options then you’ll have to stick with the difficult bus journey. I wouldn’t see keeping your son off school as being an option tbh.

Also, I think people are stressing a lot about a 4 year missing school. My 1st was born right after the school year starts so had to wait an extra year before starting reception, literally turned 5 a few days later. There are plenty of summer babies who also start reception slightly later as they've just turned 4 and not ready.
It's a tough season for you, and I wish your partner could change some of his hours so he could do drop off in the morning, but it doesn't sound like it's possible.
Do you have help/OT therapy for your DS2 low tone? Hopefully this can be resolved soon so he won't need to rely too much on a buggy in a little bit.

But what’s the plan for Y1? How will she manage then when baby is older? Seems long term this doesn’t work.

So, there are ways a d means of making your life that little bit easier.

Yes, you do need to get your child to school but ignore those people who have absolutely no idea about what it's like to raise one or more children with additional needs.

You know your eldest child best and whether he will cope with attending/eating at breakfast club or not. Don't listen to people who haven't walked a mile in your shoes.

The best thing to do is to put things in place that best meets the needs of ALL of you.

They are pricey but you partner may get one through cycle to work.

Electric cargo Dutch style bike. They are 3 wheeled so super stable. Electric assisted so minimal peddling. And big cargo carrier at the front where you can sit children and baby carrier.

Many children eat at home before breakfast club. If you’re worried about him not eating send a decent snack like a cereal bar to school for break time. Staff will be happy to facilitate this. It’s pretty normal.

The statutory walking distance is 2 miles for those under 8. Although the LA can provide transport now, they don’t have the same duty as they do for those who are CSA.

As others say, coping includes getting them to school. If you won't send DS to breakfast club or pay for a taxi, DH won't change his job and you won't find a nearer school, then the remaining choice is that you suck it up and get him to school. It will be over eventually but for now, you have to do it.

Reception year is important OP, they do a lot of phonics in reception and if he’s missing chunks of time he will be missing new sounds and fall behind. Obviously there’s time for him to catch up but it does disadvantage him. I think you really need to consider the breakfast club, it’s at the school and usually held in the schools dining hall or assembly hall so not an unfamiliar setting and the breakfasts are usually cereal, toast and fruit, so fairly standard stuff. If you’re worried he won’t eat then pack him something you know he will in his bag and speak to the pastoral staff, he will be allowed to eat that instead. And they have toys to play with and activities to do, my eldest is autistic so I get it can be difficult transitioning to new environments but this is at school so already familiar in lots of ways. Speak to the pastoral team and see if they could take him along to talk to him, they could take him to meet the staff before they leave one morning, it’ll make it easier for him and the more consistent he is with attending the more comfortable he will become.

You're dismissing suggestions without even giving them a go, presumably because keeping him home is more convenient and less effort.

If you have kids with additional needs, especially multiple, yournchildren will be failed if you remain passive, things will only get harder from here - you will have to advocate for their needs, to battle the LA for EHCPs, depending on their needs they may even end up at different schools, whilst doing the school runs, appointments, form filling etc.

Your son has presumably been at school for 6 months now. What are school saying? What have you actually tried in this time?

OP has since updated that she had no problem getting out generally and goes to a local park with the children. They also have no significant issues at home caring for 3 children.

Can you say why the OPs DS must socialise with other 4 year olds outside of his own home? What does this achieve for his development that playful learning at home with siblings and parents wouldn't?

What is your obsession with agendas? Quite an odd turn of phrase left hanging in a couple of replies, unsupported by anything suggesting what you think the 'agenda' may be.

Breakfast club doesn't necessarily mean they eat breakfast there. Ours didn't serve food at all for ages. OP you have a lot on your plate but there is a fine line between a reason and an excuse.

You can feed him before he goes or he has a banana and peanut butter sandwich in the car on the way to breakfast club. School isn’t optional.

My response would be different if OP was home educating or flexischooling, which would include actively seeking opportunities to socialise with children of DS's own age and above. A 4 yo isn't developing his social skills from a 2 yo with significant delays and a newborn.

She's expecting him to keep pace with the other children in his class and develop social bonds with them whilst spending significant amounts of time when they are in class at home, watching TV and going to the park. He's going to be completely out of his depth by Y1 and quite possibly have got used to only going to school when it's convenient.

I think you should actually try breakfast club before dismissing it. Send him with a lunchbox including things he will eat at that time of day. If he doesn't eat them then, he can eat them at lunch.

I do understand some kids are tricky with breakfast. My daughter is. I'm afraid breakfast is often a cereal bar from a station vending machine or a banana on the bus.

We need to leave for school by 7am and tbh who wants to eat at 6.30, but you can't miss school because of breakfast!

What playful learning is OP doing while she cares for a disabled toddler and a newborn?