to keep him off school some days at the moment

[tinyyturtle]

hello first post so hope im doing this right

i have 3 boys ds1 is 4 and in reception ds2 is 2.5 and doesnt walk and ds3 is 10 weeks old today

school is about 2 miles away and i dont drive. walking isnt really possible for me as i have mobility problems myself so the bus is the only realistic way of doing it

ds2 technically still fits in a normal buggy but it doesnt support him properly and he kind of slumps to one side. he does have a sen buggy but its massive and its honestly a pain on the bus. half the time theres no space and trying to get on with that plus ds1 and the baby in a sling and bags is a whole thing

bus drivers also dont see it as a disabled buggy they just see a big buggy and expect me to fold it. which is hard because then i have to find somewhere safe to put ds2 while i fold it and hold the baby at the same time which isnt exactly easy

people do tut as well which doesnt help

some mornings its just chaos. if i take the big buggy i struggle getting it on and off and folding it while holding the baby. if i take the normal buggy ds2 just slides about and i feel bad about that

the baby cries a lot on the bus too which makes the whole thing more stressful

so the truth is ds1 has missed a fair bit of school recently. more than id like really. some mornings i just cant face doing the whole bus situation and i keep him home

i know reception isnt technically compulsory but i also know its not ideal for him missing days and i do feel guilty about it

aibu to just keep him off sometimes for now until the baby is a bit older and things settle down a bit or should i be pushing myself to get him there every day even if its a nightmare

im honestly exhausted at the moment and just wondering what other people would do in this situation

Could you ask the school if there is transport options that could help you. You might qualify for a taxi to & from the school. Worth an ask. Hope life eases for you.

It is how is works in a mainstream classroom.

I didn't say mainstream education was the best place for all children, but OP is not home educating. In fact, it sounds like her hands are very full with a disabled 2 yo and a newborn. I highly doubt there's much learning of anything going on at home and certainly no valuable socialising.

You keep banging on about mainstream education and the national curriculum and how it's possible to learn at home, yes it is, but OP has not chosen home Ed, she's chosen school.

Research indicates that even children starting in Reception without having been to nursery are behind and many don't catch up.

His siblings are other children. That is socialising. I'm not sure what there is to not understand here? He doesn't live in a vacuum, he will be interacting with people all the time. Your focus is very narrow for what socialising means. It doesn't need to be children who have a birthday within 12 months of their own. Interacting with grandparents, the postman, baby sibling is all social. Not all children are playing cooperatively by 4, it is often still parallel so isn't as big an issue as you seem to think. Neurological development means at 4 they aren't fully capable of turn taking and sharing. Forcing that doesn't work, you have to wait, usually until 5. They don't learn it by observing before that.

By September child 3 will be more robust and you'll have a better routine, don't beat yourself up, just keep reading to child 1 and doing all the basic reception work you miss. If you're struggling to give time to child one, have you ever thought of referring yourself to Home-Start? Im a volunteer of several years and definitely have helped mum's who haven't had family around, through those early year's of trying to keep the balls in the air...we help loads of mum in all sorts of situations. Look up Home-Start or ask your health visitor. There are lots of us out here happy to help, good luck x

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/588099181/treat-as-wheelchair-sign-disabled-buggy

buggy tag and if you have further problems, complain to the bus company.

Coping includes being able to take school aged kids to school every day. You need to work out a plan that results in your son being in school every day, as the situation won’t miraculously change next year. That might be breakfast club, taken by your husband, with him actually eating breakfast at home before they leave.

The child’s father needs to step up. This is too much to be dealing with as one parent. Where is he and why is he letting you struggle alone with this?

Have you tried discussing all this with the education authority? I'm wondering if you would qualify for school transport.

Yes I agree with this.
I know it's hard, pull in all and every bit of help you can but your oldest boy deserves to get his full schooling.

How does dyspraxia mean you can’t push a buggy to school and walk the kids?

You’re right that socialising can be widely defined. But OP’s intention is, I understand, for her child to go to school from September when he is CSA, not to home educate? If so, he will need to integrate into his class, all of whom will have been socialising with children other than a small baby and a disabled toddler for the last 12 months. It sounds as though all OP’s son is doing at home is going to the park and shops and watching TV - if that is the case he will be behind educationally and socially in Y1.

I agree with you that there are other (sometimes better) ways to learn than at school with the national curriculum, but if OP’s plan is for her child to be at school following the national curriculum in September, she owes it to him to ensure he is not behind at that stage. The easiest way to do this is to stop making excuses and actually get him to school. The alternative would be to do some home learning with him and join a couple of groups like forest school, but if doesn’t sound as though she is doing that at the moment.

Sounds a bit like "me, me, me". Rather keeping them home with you than getting them to school.

Errrrr yes. That's obvious..I literally said I'd rather have them all home but gave them the choice to go to school from 6 onwards and they chose school.
Are you unable to stay home home with your children, or do you find being at home difficult? Because my comment seems to have personally bothered you and that usually means it's touched a nerve.

But the issue is that the OP has created this situation, she has mobility issues yet keeps having kids despite the first kid having mobility issues too and a second has severe mobility issues, she lives too far from the school and has still had a 3rd child that at this moment in time is ten week old and what if it starts to become clear that the ten week old has got these mobility issues too! You don't keep getting pregnant if you already know that you can't get your kids to school. It's difficult for a MP to fight for people's bad life decisions.

And the father is not disabled, has a car and could maybe also pull his weight.
but sure let’s see if an MP can sort first and can arrange school transport as famously councils are flash with money.

It's not a good way for anyone to be, if your relationship had broke down you would have been in a mess because you've sat at home and not worked all those years and dragged that arrangement out for longer than needed because you kept kids at home who didn't need to be. It's not something people should do because too many parents already aren't bothering to develop their kids in the way that they should in readiness for school. Also you and your kids sitting at home for years more than necessary puts financial partner for all the food, drink, heating extra electric! It definitely feels a selfish act!

But he isn't doing and the problem is he may have to actually look at finding a job that works less hours so he can do school runs and a part time job may not pay enough to cover the cost of raising 3 kids and that's if they have the common sense to stop any further pregnancies.

OP you need a long term plan as none of your mobility issues sound like they will improve and as the kids get bigger they will get harder to manage.
I would focus on trying to get your oldest to adapt to breakfast club (feed him first so you don't need to worry about that) so your DH can drop him
Also look into DLA and PIP again so you can use taxis more when needed
Get a sign for your buggy explaining it is a wheelchair for a disabled child so buses are less stressful
Make sure you are on reliable birth control

You are stating the children shouldn't exist and upbraiding the parent for bringing them into the world.
"you'll end up in a battle with social services."
This is ill informed and stoking fear.
The children have rights enshrined in law , the Disabled child has a right to help consistent with their needs, as does their sibling, including the right not to be subject to this sort of degrading comment which I've reported.
It doesn't seem to occur to you that groups of siblings support each other as they grow up and your views about what is or isn't good for this family and indeed our community are very short sighted. How do you know the future?
If you read the thread you will see many different views about the value of reception level education.

Yes let’s hand our babies over to institutions as soon as they are born. They’ll do much better job at developing them than actual parents.

They aren't institutions.

I haven't RTFT but I did read OP's posts.

I think people may not realise the cumulative impacts of the various circumstances and how they impact on each other - you could cope with one of the issues, but not all of them. And it gets overwhelming when you have to fight for everything. You need a social worker to help you access proper support but you probably don't have the energy to fight to get one. Asking school for help may be a good idea.

Your son doesn't have to eat breakfast at breakfast club. He can have breakfast at home then your partner can drop him at school. It would massively ease the burden on you. I understand that he may struggle with breakfast club and it might not work out (and trying things which then don't work is very draining).

Things will change. You could plan out a timeline - when will DS2 get mobility DLA and what difference will that make? When will the baby stop being in a sling? (Mine was on my back for years). Is it just a stopgap until then that you need?

It sounds like mostly you're managing really well but with a few things which feel insurmountable. Can you look at what is working well and pin down the bits which are barriers?

It sounds like you are doing all the work and thinking and your DP is getting away with 'not being able to'. He really needs to take on the problem- solving as well.

Erm… they are?

“An institution is
a structured system of rules, norms, or organizations that shapes social behavior, persists over time, and serves a public purpose(e.g., education, law, finance). It includes formal organizations (banks, schools) and informal customs (marriage, traditions).”

I mean they do in some cases. Not all parents are amazing at it. Not all schools are amazing. Plenty of room for nuance.

OP - I hope that you have been able to glean a bit of practical suggestions here. Your first question was if it really matters. The answer is yes - if you intend on mainstream schooling, reception is an important first step. So you need to decide what to try first to support your child. Personally I think breakfast club and a sign on the buggy to explain it’s actually a wheelchair gets you to a good place, but you obviously are the one who can decide. You’ll need a system before this gets even harder next year so this is a good time to try various options - or combinations of options.