I want the positive comments about my weight.

[Globules]

I was at my hobby last night. I went late, so still in office clothes and not my normal jeans and jumper.

After the group ended, I went to speak to one of my friends, X. She told me I looked amazing, really skinny and just fabulous.

Another person, Y, who I barely know, corrected my friend and said I hope I didn't hear what I think I heard. She's looking amazing and fabulous, yes? That's all, right? We don't need that other comment, do we?

X knows Y pretty well, so kinda said, yes, yes. Of course she's looking wonderful. And moved on swiftly.

X knows just how hard I've worked for 2 years to shift the weight. She knows about the 4.30am 10k runs before work. She sponsored me in my first ever half marathon last year. She's seen me deny myself cake. She's watched me choose gin over calorific cocktails.

She knows how bloody hard I've worked to lose the weight. I really enjoyed hearing her say it was noticeable.

I didn't know Y well enough to say anything, and didn't want X to feel I was making a bigger deal of it. I have messaged X this morning telling her what a buzz her comment gave me last night.

Are we really in a place now where friends can't compliment another's weightloss as part of them looking good?

God it’s really sad that you aspire to be complimented for being “really skinny”. And I’m a 90s kid too - that era really did a number on you, didn’t it?

I never ever comment on people’s weight. It’s rude. If someone invited me to eg “I’ve been working really hard” I would be enthusiastic about their hard work and compliment them - but never ever compliment someone on being “really skinny”. And to be honest if I was brave enough I would also call someone out on saying someone was “really skinny” too.

I'm thrilled if anyone asks if I've lost a bit of weight or I look really slim. I'm pretty sure it's the clothes that do it though. I know full well I probably haven't lost any weight but I take it as a compliment so it's fine by me although obviously not everyone likes their weight being commented on as I see quite often on here.

Congratulations on your weight loss and for achieving it in a healthy way. Your future self will thank you for it.The Y person was being rude with her virtue-signalling.

I’m always amazed that people want effusive compliments when they’ve lost weight. To me, each one is a reveal that your body was judged before and they thought you looked shit. Ultimately you’re still the same person so saying you look good ‘now’ is not a compliment.

I’d be happier around friends who judged me on my character not looks.

The best thing about this is your personal journey and determination. I never know whether to compliment people or not but I do notice .

even when you're really close and your friend knows how hard you've been working towards it?

I think being told you look amazing and fabulous was nice, but would you actually see ‘really skinny’ as a compliment? I always think skinny means too thin, ill, untoned, unhealthy etc. I presume that the other person sees it as a negative as well and that is why they tried to say something, although if they hardly know you and the first person did, then they probably should have just kept out.

I don’t blame you for enjoying that compliment. Ignore what the other person said. It’s none of her business.

I always tell people who have lost excess weight they look well. It's so hard and I have always been so glad that I'm making enough progress that someone notices.

You look fantastic/great/fit/wonderful/fabulous is fine. @inmyera

Would you tell a man he looked really skinny?

I think it's partly a generational thing. Raised in the 80s, and yes 'skinny' was a compliment. But now it's politically not the thing to say.

Likewise a few years ago, I complimented a (slightly younger peer) on her "fabulous breasts" in a low-cut dress. It was absolute carnage. Thought I'd end up with a police record. Times change.

To me 'skinny' means very thin, no curves or shape, straight up and down etc. I don't want to be considered skinny. Slim, slender, trim...healthy looking is fine. If someone calls me skinny I would think 'urgh, no' but clearly there are different interpretations of the word. So, I'd think Y was trying to counterbalance that vibe.

Its great to hear a compliment that makes us feel good about ourselves, our appearance and our efforts. It's not great when being called skinny ticks those boxes.
People like Y (who tbf does sound rather bossy with it!) don't want to perpetuate our society's obsession with skinny=good. They believe the overall harm of that outweighs the individual ego boost to a woman who feels flattered by being told she's thin.
Y's view is increasingly widely held, so fewer people use skinny as a compliment these days.

If someone knows you've been trying to lose weight and been successful, I think it's fine to congratulate them. But nobody should aim to be 'really skinny' so that's not a compliment.

This is the irritating side of people being encouraged to "call things out" - they're encouraged to think that their take on things is the only correct one and that they have the right, or even the duty, to impose that on everyone else.

It's well-meaning but often comes across as very pious or officious and absolutely fails my maxim of taking things in the spirit they're intended.

I think in future I'd address this at the time and lightly say, "oh no, X knows I've been working hard and it's nice for me personally to hear specifically that the weight's coming off. Might not be everyone's cup of tea but X knows that's the right compliment for me, thanks!"

For example, the spirit in which at least the last two sentences of this were intended was to meanly take you down a peg or two.

Unpleasant and unnecessary.

This is brilliant. I find the 'calling out' annoying too - it's infantilising, I can speak up for myself thanks. Next time something like this happens I know how to respond.

About 3 years ago I lost 3.5 stone, and I absolutely hated anyone commenting on my weight loss. I hated having any attention drawn to it, I didn’t want to discuss it, I just wanted to do it for my own benefit and get on with my life. I also don’t see skinny as a compliment and would never use it as one myself.
However in the situation you describe (it sounds like 2 of you are good friends and the other is someone neither of you like much?), as the ‘outsider’ party I definitely wouldn’t have corrected your friend. I’d have just assumed that that’s how you both talk to each other normally and that you’re happy with that.
Also a 90s kid, btw.

I think it's ok if you know someone has definitely been going to the gym and dieting in an effort to lose weight on purpose, which sounds like your friend knew is the case for you.
The other woman sounds cringey.

I lost over 6st in my twenties - I'm 34 now and have largely kept it off (sans 9lbs of baby weight) I LOVE comments about how skinny I am- I don't care if it isn't the "done thing" it is my body and If you tell me I am skinny I will be dancing HA

As someone who lost a lot of weight (and put it back on again) I HATE HATE HATE people commenting on my weight. I liked it the first time I heard it (as a teenager) but since then it gets more and more uncomfortable. I hear the opposite in every sentance, as in "you look really skinny... because you were really fat before" and "you look great because you sure as hell looked like shit before". And then when I put on weight, I literally have to stop socialising because I KNOW that every single person who commented on my weight loss will be commenting behind my back on my weight gain. "Oh, god, did you see Art last night? Hasn't she got fat. What a fucking loser".

I also have a teenager daughter and when people comment on weight in front of her i lose my shit. Come on children of the 70s 80s and 90s - we can break this cycle!!

What have I just read?!

You don’t need to acknowledge anything. Other people’s weight is precisely none of your business. And ‘skinny’ is just as unhealthy as ‘overweight’. My dd was still getting compliments at the time when hospital admission for anorexia was on the cards.

Not necessarily. I’ve lost 8 stone in weight, on purpose, and I feel really violated and angry when people comment.