I want the positive comments about my weight.

[Globules]

I was at my hobby last night. I went late, so still in office clothes and not my normal jeans and jumper.

After the group ended, I went to speak to one of my friends, X. She told me I looked amazing, really skinny and just fabulous.

Another person, Y, who I barely know, corrected my friend and said I hope I didn't hear what I think I heard. She's looking amazing and fabulous, yes? That's all, right? We don't need that other comment, do we?

X knows Y pretty well, so kinda said, yes, yes. Of course she's looking wonderful. And moved on swiftly.

X knows just how hard I've worked for 2 years to shift the weight. She knows about the 4.30am 10k runs before work. She sponsored me in my first ever half marathon last year. She's seen me deny myself cake. She's watched me choose gin over calorific cocktails.

She knows how bloody hard I've worked to lose the weight. I really enjoyed hearing her say it was noticeable.

I didn't know Y well enough to say anything, and didn't want X to feel I was making a bigger deal of it. I have messaged X this morning telling her what a buzz her comment gave me last night.

Are we really in a place now where friends can't compliment another's weightloss as part of them looking good?

Not to me it isn’t.

Nor me.

Agree. Unfortunately for me, the word skinny just makes me think of my poor mum when she was right at the end of her life. 😕 I associate ‘skinny’ and ‘thin’ with very poor health, especially cancer.

Slim is a much more positive word IMO, but I prefer ‘lean’ or ‘buff’ for myself 😂 (My almost 18 year old son has told me twice recently that I was looking buff and I was chuffed with that).

Fair enough. I've been complimented on weight loss before when I was heartbroken and it just felt wrong for people to say I looked good when I was actually really sad. I think if I had actually tried and lost weight for healthy reasons it would be ok in comparison but everyone is different.

Woman Y was poking her nose in where it wasn’t wanted. If you’re good friends with woman X then I expect that’s the way you both interact. You’re always onto a sticky wicket with weight loss compliments I think.

Y was unkind and patronising. I can understand that a lot of people don't want comments about their weight and/or don't like the word skinny - that's all totally fair enough and I would never make a comment about weight to anyone unless I knew them extremely well; well enough to know how it would be received.

But understanding should go both ways. Y should equally be able to understand that plenty of people do want to hear that their hard work shows, and that X was free to say what she thinks.

I'd like to think I would have (politely) told Y that she was being inappropriate - but actually in the moment I'd have probably been so taken aback at her rudeness that I'd have been mute.

Me three.

Smiling at all these comments insinuating I get off on compliments and that I've been over sharing about my weight loss journey. Neither are true. X saw me in a new light in my office clothes. I'd do the same if I see a friend looking more amazing than normal.

I agree with you about our "call things out" society @FailMeOnce . I don't think pointing out Ys rudeness in the moment was the right call yesterday, but I'll certainly be popping your response into the brain and applying it as necessary if others deem it appropriate to police my conversations and speech in future in the name of "calling me out".

You can even see on the thread there are posts where people are telling others they're wrong to see skinny as a compliment...more policing of thoughts and language.

I have no doubt X used the words really skinny interchangeably wth slim, as @Legomania suggests.

X was completely wrong. I agree with Y.
I never comment on a person’s weight and never use words like skinny, I’d offer a compliment, it gets embarrassing if they put the weight back on.
I say this as a slim person.
You would never say you look fabulous, nice and fat.

I was a bit 🤔at "you're looking well" now being a potential minefield comment.

How was she completely wrong when OP took it as a compliment and acknowledgment of her hardworking.

YOU might not like it, but you don’t get to decide it’s right or wrong for others.

Well OP may hope she doesn’t put the weight back on or that’ll be awkward for X.
Skinny, implies sickness, illness, under fed, eating disorders, she could have used slim or trim.
I have been referred to as skinny many times, it is not nice.

When someone knows you've been working hard to lose weight, of course there's no harm in congratulating them on noticeable changes. Y should have minded her own businesses, but some people always feel the need to correct others and make themselves look irritating superior.

I was 'skinny' as a girl. People told me so, and it wasn't meant or taken as an insult or concern. I ate plenty, but I was blessed with an incredible metabolism in those days. Words don't mean the same thing to everyone.

I've recently lost weight through healthier living, and some people have commented positively, which was fine. I've noticed a couple of others, seeing me for the first time since the weight loss, just doing a bit of a doubletake but staying silent. It's obvious they've noticed the change, but are choosing not to say anything for fear of being rude. Both approaches are fine. I myself tend not to make comments on weight changes unless I know they're doing it on purpose and are happy about it, but I'd never tell anyone else off for what they clearly mean as a compliment, because it's not my place to do so.

That's you though. If you wouldn't take skinny as a compliment, if you didn't think someone looked better after losing weight, if you didn't want to comment because you might feel awkward later if someone put weight on... all your prerogative.

But do you really not see how Y was pompous to interject into a conversation between friends that had nothing to do with her, to tell X off for saying something that was intended and taken as a compliment?

She's jealous.

Well done op, bet it feels amazing!

Maybe Y thought she was part of the conversation and that she was also a friend of theirs, not realising neither of them like her?

A woman's (or a man's) weight is not interesting. People who obsess about their weight and see health solely through the frame of weight loss are boring. I expect adults my age to make some bloody effort to unlearn toxic social conditioning (yes, I was also brought up in the 90s and I know how pernicious the skinny shit was).

Bringing up someone else's weight loss is boring conversation, in addition to being rude (I've been present where a friend who hadn't been eating because she was grieving was complimented on her weight loss and it was excruciating).

Compliment people on positives - a fabulous outfit or a cool new hairstyle or toned arms from working out. Not the lack of something that doesn't bloody matter.

Y sounds like bossy interfering cow, at worst, and maybe has good intentions and poor impulse control (at best). I am suspecting you will have many Y stories in the years to come. I don't feel this is story about weight loss opinions but more about how people manage social norms.

I don't understand the "90s girl" commentary. I was born in the 60s so does that make me a "70s girl"?

You can even see on the thread there are posts where people are telling others they're wrong to see skinny as a compliment...more policing of thoughts and language.

Because it's reductive. It's reducing women to only being seen as acceptable if they are small/thin. And it's bullshit. It isn't policing language. It's trying to fight back against sexist double standards.

It is 100% possible to say someone is looking good without engaging with the size debate.

I think Y shouldn't have got involved when she doesn't know you, but in general I think commenting on people's weight and bodies is rude and inappropriate. In this case you didn't mind and all was well, but I do think the world would be a better place if women's bodies weren't viewed as a topic for discussion.

From the OP's description, it sounds like an interjection, rather than Y having been a part of the conversation. And there's nothing here to suggest X doesn't like Y, the OP says X knows Y pretty well.

It's irrelevant though - even if Y was fully a part of the conversation and not just overhearing something - she was rude, regardless of whether OP and X were friends/acquaintances/strangers to her. X paid the OP a compliment, OP took it as a compliment, Y was patronising and tried to make it about her own feelings.

The implication of complimenting someone if they are skinny is that there would be something wrong with them if they weren't. I'm with Y. People have commented positively on my weight before and I hated it, made me feel self conscious.

If someone compliments you on losing weight and you don’t like it, so what? Big deal.

100% disagree with your first paragraph.

100% agree with your second.

Please stop telling others what to think.

This forum has made me realise how fucked up people are about weight, mainly women, it is a hugely touchy subject. So many anti weight loss injection threads, threads ripping women to shreds on their appearance,

of course sayinf you loooed really skinny was a compliment and you took it as such, you and your friend knew this, so do the people whinging on here, they just don’t like ghe idea you’re slim. Yes it runs that deep for some. Even the thought of it has the hackles up,

the other woman has issues. I’m assuming she’s heavier. Message your friend. The issue is the third woman’s, not you and your mates.

and well done op,

You could apply that logic to any compliment though, whether it's about your haircut, outfit, glowing skin.

If you're immediately jumping to 'she must mean I looked terrible before!' that's your own insecurities talking.