I want the positive comments about my weight.

[Globules]

I was at my hobby last night. I went late, so still in office clothes and not my normal jeans and jumper.

After the group ended, I went to speak to one of my friends, X. She told me I looked amazing, really skinny and just fabulous.

Another person, Y, who I barely know, corrected my friend and said I hope I didn't hear what I think I heard. She's looking amazing and fabulous, yes? That's all, right? We don't need that other comment, do we?

X knows Y pretty well, so kinda said, yes, yes. Of course she's looking wonderful. And moved on swiftly.

X knows just how hard I've worked for 2 years to shift the weight. She knows about the 4.30am 10k runs before work. She sponsored me in my first ever half marathon last year. She's seen me deny myself cake. She's watched me choose gin over calorific cocktails.

She knows how bloody hard I've worked to lose the weight. I really enjoyed hearing her say it was noticeable.

I didn't know Y well enough to say anything, and didn't want X to feel I was making a bigger deal of it. I have messaged X this morning telling her what a buzz her comment gave me last night.

Are we really in a place now where friends can't compliment another's weightloss as part of them looking good?

I thought of this thread today as I went into the office and a colleague (male) told me I’m looking skinny.

I immediately reported him to HR.

*Joking. I said ‘ooh thanks’ and walked off with a spring in my step.

It wasn't a comment about me losing weight it was a comment about my weight and it made me feel uncomfortable. I have no problems getting a compliment about my hair outfit or skin. But I don't think it's ok to comment on anyone's weight.

In my mind “skinny” does not equal a compliment, so I’d feel a tad sorry for women who feel pleased when they hear this. I’d presume they had some lingering issues surrounding weight.

And that’s fine, then don’t and take issue with someone who comments on yours. But until you’re made queen of the world you don’t get to dictate what other people do; and the op and her mate are fine with it.

i am also fine with it, given the context, they are good friends, the op likes the comment, and her friend knew she would. You don’t get to roll in and decide what fhey can and can’t say to one another, nor does anyone else.inc the third woman and her condescending attitude.

And I’d assume you do if I’m honest, I’d assume you have a weight issue and the mere mention of the word makes you remember your size. So people will feel a tad sorry for you.

and that’s the issue, everyone can play the same game.

I don't disagree with that.

But giving someone a compliment doesn't mean the complimenter thinks people who aren't slim/well dressed/have nice hair/whatever the compliment is about are lesser beings.

That subconscious habit of immediately trying to flip even the most inane compliment into a criticism is rooted in insecurity.

This thread is full of it... apparently telling someone they look well is risky, who knew!

It okay to comment on my weight. I don't mind it at all.

This surprised me people think like this, it’s on here a lot, which for me must mean that’s what they do, the compliment people as a way to insult them, or have very low self esteem

it would never even enter my mind if I said someone looked say great or whatever it could be an insult meaning I think they normally look shit. It wouldn’t occur to me if someone said something to me, like I love your dress it means they think I normally dress like shite.

munsnet has taught me people do think that, and so they either have incredibly low self esteem or they go around complimenting people and meaning it as an insult.

...or they go around complimenting people and meaning it as an insult.

@Wildgoat Love it!

You're right @Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice about how insecure people
subconsciously try to flip even the most inane compliments into a criticism.

MN is a strange place at times, isn't it?

And sounds like you looked great this morning @AsparagusSeason Always good to get a compliment imo.

People can THINK whatever they want.

It's what comes out of their mouth that is the problem.

I think it’s ok to say well done on weight loss but TBH I’d find “really skinny” totally offensive. I want to be ripped / shredded / lean. But not skinny.

But she didn’t say it to you. And the op did want to hear it, and her friend knew it. I’m sure when people look at you they say you’re really ripped and wouldn’t say you’re really skinny. So I can’t see why you’d be offended, if you work out thst much you’re ripped etc, then no one will say it to you. Everyone has different body goals;

Sure - just making the point that not everyone would consider skinny a compliment, so I understand the second person making the comment.

She's seen me deny myself cake. She's watched me choose gin over calorific cocktails. I'm not sure if this was serious or not? It's like someone's seen you go to war rather than change some small habits!

I’m with you op. I’ve lost a shit ton of weight this year and I’m slightly offended if people don’t mention it. It is a minefield though. Some just keep stressing how well I look. Not been called skinny yet but …..

See I don’t; it would have been very obvious thay the op and the woman were good friends, it was meant well and the op delighted to get the comment. The other woman made the comments due to her issues. It was about her. And she shouldn’t hsve made her issues anyone elses.

It feels like war in the moment!

Skinny has negative connotations. It means lacking in flesh.
”skinny” crosses an invisible line between compliment and non compliment. Not as much as “scrawny “ or “emaciated” but still it’s definitely negative.
“Slim” is on the other side of the line, like “thin”, although to me, “thin” is a bit borderline.

( ASD, so very likely interpreting differently)
When I said that I feel sorry for people who would enjoy being called “skinny”it’s because to me it means that they have lost sight of the line, and now, they have no concept of what is too much.
In my head I imagine them thinking that they possibly wouldn’t mind having a severe illness just to lose weight, sort of thing.

Now I’m thinking about it though, I think this may be my ASD interpretation of people to some extent. Because it sounds far fetched now I write down my thoughts, so I’m wondering 🤔…

Could it be that there are the smaller number of people who genuinely do have eating disorders and therefore really thinking this, and the majority of others, who are using the word as a sort of joke, and actually do know what it means; but are laughing with others at themselves and society, by pretending to take it as a compliment???

For me @crispypotatoes , skinny is one of many words I would use to indicate thin. "You're looking thin" sounds less impactful to me to someone you know is trying to lose weight than "you're looking skinny."

We also use it light heartedly. My sister commented a while back that I'd turned into a skinny bitch.

I'd agree with your last paragraph - for some people being told they're skinny really can be a trigger word for their eating disorders. I don't know enough to know if the words thin or slim would have the same effect. I suspect it would for some sufferers and not for others. And following that logic, should we also stop using the words thin/slim too?

I know someone who the word "ripped" triggers her unhealthy obsession with the gym, but a PP has suggested that's what they'd like as a compliment. We're all different.

It has negative connotations for you, and for others, it does not for the op and to be honest, nor me, the friend was clearly not saying to her she looked under weight or anything

and no one can force an interpretation onto someone else and tell them they are wrong unless it’s something like racism or sexism etc,

I don’t understand interrupting a private conversation between friends to “correct” their thinking and police their speech.

@Wildgoat
Ok. So here’s what I don’t understand. Are you saying that you have simply chosen to believe that skinny doesn’t have negative connotations?

Do you agree though that seeing as the word means having not quite enough fat, it means that the general interpretation of the word means it’s negative?
What word would you use to say the same thing?

The dictionary tells me how to interpret a word so I’m not forcing my interpretation on anyone.
I’m questioning why someone would deliberately choose to interpret a word with a certain usage in a different way. And my question was, are those taking skinny as a compliment doing it a tongue- in-cheek way, or are they serious?

I’ve not read the whole thread, but have read all the OP’s posts. This reminds me of a recent training course we had to do at work, about respect in the workplace. The idea was that even if you and a colleague have your own in jokes, banter etc (and we do), some other colleague could overhear you, be offended and report you to HR!! It seemed pretty over the top to us but I guess this is a similar situation in a social setting (without HR).

@Globules

My friends say I am looking ‘skinny’ if I lose a bit of weight - or even if I haven’t, and wear something flattering. They know me well enough to see that I am glowing with health. If they didn’t think I was healthy they would take me aside and quietly tell me.

You were given a compliment by someone who knows and cares about you - be very proud of yourself 👏

It was thoughtful of you to text your friend afterwards to tell her that she had made your day.

Thanks for your answer, I’ve just seen it now.
I see that you say you use and interpret the word as a similar category to slim and thin and also in a jokey way.
I understand now that to you its usage, and the focus of the conversation was connected to your personal achievements of losing weight, and this was about encouragement and acknowledgement of accomplishing your goal, rather than the standardised dictionary definition of a word.
I now can appreciate that maybe I would have missed this aspect, and didn’t quite catch on that in this case, an “incorrect” word was chosen deliberately to convey just how well you were doing in losing weight.