to gift mum Mother's Day gift she won't want

[brainsandgrains]

My mother is not in the best financial situation and never treats herself.

I am in quite a bad financial situation and she has no idea. I lost two clients due to budget cuts 7 months ago so monthly income went from £4.5k a month to £1.5k a month.

I am the breadwinner. We are dipping into savings every month and all spending that isn't essential has ground to a halt.

I don't want my mum to know this. The situation is too complex to explain why but this is really important to me.

Last year for mother's day I went all out. Her friend had died two months before, I got an unexpected £500. So I took her to a spa, then out to a three course meal and got her a giant bouquet. It cost a lot more than I was planning to pay as I didn't intend for it to be three course but I got carried away.

She has spoken about this all year.

I was a guest a panel last week and received the most lovely hamper as a thank you. It's from a social enterprise, it's full of sustainable products and is really really lovely, every product has an interesting story.

I was about to tuck into it myself but then I had the idea to regift it to mum but obviously she wouldn't know it was a regift.

But it's not the same as a £150 spa day and £150 dinner.

I looked up the brand online and I couldn't find the exact one so I think it was a build your own hamper and I guess around £50.

I wouldn't give her a gift I thought she wouldn't like.

If she wasn't comparing to last year it would have gone down really well. It's not that she would dislike the gift, just that she would be expecting more.

She messaged this morning saying how much she loved Mother's Day last year and how special it made her feel. I know this is a hint and I feel so rubbish.

I have to be careful with mum because if I do something like offer to cook her dinner she will say 'let's just go out to eat'.

AIBU to give her this gift?

@suki1964 thank you for sharing your story, I am so sorry about the loss of your mum. You are right some poeple are really nasty on here.

Thankyou my love xxx

Mum and daughter relationships can be the most challenging in the world and they aren't all perfect

I did my best for my mum - a mum who had left me as a child aged 12 back in the 70's when divorce was rare and a mother abandoning her children was totally unheard of

So wtf if she wasnt given a birthday cake ( according to her ) until she was 80? She didnt die alone, she died with me with her constantly for 48 hrs , me holding her hand, me telling her to let go and give herself peace . The previous 20 years she lived with us, her and her disabled husband until he passed. Had their own 3 bedroom home within our home - no rent, mortgage, upkeep . Meals on table, house maintenance all sorted - they just had to enjoy their days

And on this thread Ive had the keyboard twats , who's lives are so shit picking up what they felt was enough ammo to beat me with , and Ive said nowt, probably cos Ive only buried the woman, but this latest troll? How absolutely bloody pathetic If It is a woman posting, she needs to be totally ashamed of her self to be mocking a woman who is grieving

But hey ho , at least they came for me and not you :)