Can i actually be charged for this ??

[CannotActually]

My mother (I’ve been NC for years she has instructed DB to tell me) has informed me that when she dies

1. I will receive no inheritance (sister gets the house DB gets the money)
2. I will be expected to help clear the house for my sister to move in and if I don’t I will be charged a clearance / skip fee!

There’s no obligation for me to do this and they can’t charge me? Apparently if I refuse they’ll say it’s my stuff so I’m liable ???

That's what she's trying to do. Get one last nasty dig in.
But cannot be made to pay for this as others have already said.
Try to put it out of your mind.

If she's done something like made you executor you can refuse.

I can certainly see why you are NC. Im no lawyer but I cant see how you could possibly be accountable for a bill that is nothing to do with you.
The inheriter of property will be responsible for clearing the house..
I would be writing a letter telling none of them to bother you, ever again

OP, I’m sorry to hear your family is so vindictive 💐 I’m not in the UK so rules may be different. I would contest because here, costs generally come out of the estate. Squander your awful siblings’ inheritance on a pricey KC. That will put skip fees in the ha’penny place.

@CannotActually for your own peace of mind, change your mobile number/email address etc. whichever way they give info, then none of them can contact you.

Your family sound toxic, difficult and manipulative, free yourself. 🌸

No, you cannot be charged for anything like this. Even if you have instructed the clearance people, the money should come from the deceased's estate.

This looks like a clear attempt on your M's part to have another twist of the knife.

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this. You have literally zero obligation to this foul woman or her meaningless tat once she's gone. You have already shown such strength in pulling free this far. Keep striding forwards with spirit and courage.

You might find the Stately Homes (www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5407518-september-2025-well-we-took-you-to-stately-homes?reply=149209772) and Cockroach Cafe (https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/elderly_parents/5474948-cockroach-cafe-spring-in-autumn?reply=150494691) MN threads helpful - both excellent and safe spaces for people with problematic families and situations.

Out of the Fog (lots of information & tools on this website) is also very good:
https://outofthefog.website/

Best wishes to you. Ignore the flying monkeys. x

The delay - I suspect - is stop you from going to the house and claiming any items.

Since your mother has told you she's disinheriting you, then I assume that she's made a will. That being the case, she should have named an executor (unless it's a home-made will).

The executor will be responsible for clearing the house. In any case, even if there's no executor, the cost of clearing a house comes out of the deceased person's estate.

Basically, your mother is speaking shite. In your place, I'd leave her in ignorance.

If you're still worried, go and speak to someone at Citizen's Advice.

You could always just go NC with brother too if it’s strained? Send a letter to him and mother address, to say that you have ceased contact with them due to the abusive behaviour perpetuated by (insert full name of mother person), you wish no further contact even when ( said person) passes away, and any attempt to impose any item/role on you in the will, will be refused.

May I just ask is there any of your belongings in the house ?

OP has answered this. She was told it was all thrown away. It may not have been of course but she cannot get access.

In my opinion (and I have no qualifications in probate or inheritance) they are trying to goad you, possibly with the intention to get you to say you don’t want anything from Mother to produce as evidence should you later contest the dis inheritance.

Book a long holiday or start a new challenge like learning Mandarin Chinese or meditating or new exercise. Start turning your energy towards this.

Write a formal letter or email to brother saying none of them are to contact you ever again, or you will see it as harassment.

They may try to smear you as being uncaring. Ignore this. Normal people will understand.

Enjoy the rest of your life. You got this.

I really feel for you.

They're being shits. Absolute shits.

No, you can just refuse the bequest and it reverts to the estate.

They’re trying to provoke a reaction out of you. Just ignore and get on with your life.

In all seriousness your mother is self soothing over her fear if death by spitting out crazier and crazier forms of imaginary insult and control. For love of his inheritance your brother acts as her flying monkey. You can reassure yourself by taking legal advice and getting therapeutic support, you can join the thread “but we took you to stately homes” here at mumsnet for support and companionship, and you can take a look at the reddit “raised by narcissists”—these steps will help you feel less vulnerable and alone.

Then go ahead, if you feel like it, and send your mother an offensive “sympathy on your impending death card” and block brother and sister on your phone and email.

There is nothing for them to do at that point but stew in their own bile. Your mither has withheld so much from you, punished you so much, denied so much that there is nothing left for her to threaten removing. Now she’s in the abusive endgame. All thats left is fir her to iffer you a fantasy reconciliation or gift so she (thinks)?she can dash your hopes one more time. Block them and run out her clock.

I’d say don’t even bother communicating anything to the brother - he will tell the mother and she’ll know she’s managed to get at OP yet again.
Don’t respond to anyone OP - I have no idea what your brother is like, it’s possible he’s caught in the middle, or possible he is like the mother - either way, literally ignore it.

They haven't got a leg to stand on re: the house clearance. Do they have any proof that anything in the house is yours? They can say, "Oh, it's OPs" as much as they like, but without proof, it'll go nowhere.
It's down to the executors of the will.

Yes, you can.

Scots law is a bit different from English, in that children cannot be completely disinherited. The executor is supposed to send them a letter asking whether they wish to claim their legal rights. The children can decline to do so. (The same for a spouse.)

No one is forced to take an inheritance.

It's total bullshit, cannot force you to clean anything and certainly cannot charge you for not doing what they want. You don't have to accept anything left to you either.

Sorry your family is the way it is, no wonder you got out. Take good care OP.

Just to add that I was executor three times.

All costs come out of the estate before any inheritance is distributed. That would include funeral expenses, memorial expenses and house clearance - also any debts owed by the deceased.

Am so sorry to read this OP but what baffles me is that your siblings have no empathy for you. They must have witnessed the abuse or are they a lot younger ?
The whole situation is so toxic. You have been given good advice on here.

If you want to play games too, when she dies say you are going to contest the will and place a caveat with the Probate registry (costs £3) which will halt the probate for 6 months. You don't have to go through with it.

You really need to block his number and walk away from them all, you poor thing

Your family are also in for a disappointment if they imagine they can do "the official stuff" (I assume they mean register the death and arrange a funeral) within 48 hours in England!

"Dear brother, I don't really care when the bitch goes to Hell."

The only thing that is going to befall you when she dies is a tidal wave of sheer relief. Don’t give these people any power over you OP, they have none and they know it, hence the comedic outlandish threats.