Made to feel uncomfortable

[Scottishlassie10]

Now I’m all for people wearing what they want but I do think there is a time and a place. My husband was in the health club last night relaxing in the jacuzzi when a group of young women in their early 20s wearing bikinis that left little to the imagination (think thong bottoms and boobs barely covered) started parading around. They came into the jacuzzi which I know they’re entitled to do, however 2 sat next to him and 2 directly facing. It’s quite a big jacuzzi so they had no need to sit where they did. He was the only male in. He felt he had no option to leave as this made him feel quite uncomfortable. Now I may be unreasonable in my thinking but I do think if the shoe was on the other foot and a male was to strut around the poolside in a thong or a group of men where to sit in an empty jacuzzi in close proximity to a female complaints would be made.

Oh, the poor guy. He's likely to carry the mental scars for the rest of his life ~ you don't get over something like this.

Oh well at least he didn't need to worry about them raping him. He sounds like he doesn't like women much tbh.

The bikinis are just what women wear. Most don't have different costumes for different places. As for parading around, well they were just walking around really, weren't they?
Your husband was uncomfortable and left, so what harm has been done? He made that choice, it's fine?

You are absolutely right. There’s a massive cognitive dissonance about this.

How can you say they didn’t make him feel uncomfortable or does the feeling of being uncomfortable in certain situations only apply to women?

Are you actually the wife OP, or are you the husband who feels aggrieved for some reason at these young women (who you feel are out of your league or you can't have), 'parading around'.

Why should he, and OP , have to leave because of the women's behaviour?

It's a public space and people should have a responsibility to behave in a socially acceptable way so that others can enjoy the facility in peace.

They " didn't care" just about sums up the behaviour of a lot of people these days. So long as they are having their bit of fun they can behave how they like and other people just don't matter.

OP, your husband seems to have spent a long time gazing at the object/s of his discomfort. I wonder if that made them uncomfortable?

Are you suggesting women should cover their bodies so your husband doesn’t feel uncomfortable?

If a bloke was ‘strutting about’ in a budgie smuggler and generally being an idiot, I’d just leave. I have no interest in policing what other people wear.

If the women were serious swimmers and being hampered by their choice of swimwear in the spa pool, sure, but as the entire point of a jacuzzi is to wear as little clothing as possible, surely a bikini is perfectly appropriate. If the OP’s DH had been in a jacuzzi in some countries, he and the women would both have had to be naked.

Well they came in, showered, and sat in the jacuzzi. At no point does OP describe actual anti-social behaviour eg squealing, splashing around, inappropriate conversations...

He’s not blaming them per se and yes they were enjoying the facilities. By the same token if the women can’t be blamed for him feeling the way he did then women need to stop blaming men if their behaviour makes them feel uncomfortable and accept it’s a their problem. You can’t have two different sets of rules.

parading around and they stood there rubbing they’re boobs then turned round and did the same with their arse

If your husband was so uncomfortable he could have averted his eyes and looked elsewhere. Clearly he did not and watched everything they did.

They didn't behave inappropriately though. They got into a jacuzzi while wearing clothes he didn't like. He says they then provocatively rubbed their boobs and bums in the shower; personally I've never ever seen women do that in health centres, but I've certainly had men accuse me of trying to seduce them for acting completely normally. If it really happened then I guess all he can do is complain to the spa management. One does wonder why his eyes followed them out of the jacuzzi if he found the sight so offensive.

He left after watching them shower...

OP, your DH was entitled to leave because he felt uncomfortable, and unless the young ladies were doing anything other than just sitting in the Sauna, they were entitled to stay because they were doing just that.

As PP have pointed out, if it was the other way round, it would have made the woman feel far more uncomfortable - to quote a well-known saying, “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."

I do know more than one man who would also have felt uncomfortable, in being the only male in a situation where there is the potential for the women/girls to make something up about them (such as accusations of sexual misconduct).

Some of these men are also Fathers, who would not, under any circumstances, offer lifts to their school-age daughters’ female friends for this exact reason…

When I was young it was the era of the micro mini skirt and hotpants. That was the fashion. I tended to wear jeans and t shirts, or Indian cheesecloth shirts because I was a bit of a hippy. Oddly the girls in the skirts and hotpants were thought to be more 'normal' than me! It's just a fashion, it will pass.

Ah... there it is. Sweet lassie!

Sigh.

You do have two sets of rules because the power dynamic in your example is completely unequal.

My only issue is when people dress like this and then expect "oh they shouldn't be looking"

She describes them deliberately sitting close to her OP. That the size of the jacuzzi meant they did not need to do that.
If a group of men had done that to a woman - deliberately sitting next to her in a jacuzzi when there was no need- then they would have been behaving in a harassing manner.
If you are saying that this doesn't apply to a group of women doing it to a man then your double standards are clouding your judgement.

It’s a private health club with a gym and spa.

What did they do that wasn't socially acceptable?

They wore swimwear... to a swimming facility. They showered (whilst unfortunately being watched by a man in the jacuzzi) and they sat in the jacuzzi that they paid to use?

Just read the whole thread just waiting for a comment like this, and you didn't dissappoint.

You're just a plain old misogynist then.

Are you sure your poor hubby hadn’t blindly stumbled into a porn film shoot by accident, OP?