Made to feel uncomfortable

[Scottishlassie10]

Now I’m all for people wearing what they want but I do think there is a time and a place. My husband was in the health club last night relaxing in the jacuzzi when a group of young women in their early 20s wearing bikinis that left little to the imagination (think thong bottoms and boobs barely covered) started parading around. They came into the jacuzzi which I know they’re entitled to do, however 2 sat next to him and 2 directly facing. It’s quite a big jacuzzi so they had no need to sit where they did. He was the only male in. He felt he had no option to leave as this made him feel quite uncomfortable. Now I may be unreasonable in my thinking but I do think if the shoe was on the other foot and a male was to strut around the poolside in a thong or a group of men where to sit in an empty jacuzzi in close proximity to a female complaints would be made.

But men are so heavily criticised nowadays (and I agree with why!) that they might feel uncomfortable because they don’t know where to look.

nobody mentioned getting hot and bothered.

I’ll say it again - if some men wearing thongs and or tight teeny speedos got in a jacuzzi and sat close to me I would feel uncomfortable. So why is that ok for women to feel like that and men not?

it’s double standards and hypocrisy.

Why don't they know where to look?
How about not looking at the areas that might distract them?
Surely most men are in control enough not to ogle tits and arses.
Come on. They're not completely without common sense.
I wouldn't be bothered by men in Speedos, I just wouldn't stare at the genital area.

You’re missing the point - maybe I’m not explaining correctly 😫

I know what a jacuzzi is and I’m aware it’s warm.

my comment was related to the need to wear barely nothing. I could understand it if was a warm country sunbathing trying to avoid tan lines. But it’s not that situation. Therefore, why such skimpy clothing.

like I said already - just my opinion.

Honestly don’t bite.

Having worked with kids and from having my own. Her reaction is normal.

i actually agree with your daughter.

😂😂😂🙄

I can have a different point of view to you and I’ve said what I think a few times. I’m not getting into an argument.

Yep, fine. I'm saying that it's ok for women to wear what they want because we're not ruled by the Taliban, thank goodness - just my opinion.

Same. My kids would be mortified. Male or female bums. Or they’d laugh 😆

Nor me. It's fine, I'm not arguing, I just have a different opinion to you, which is fine.
It's not an argument 🙃

I have a child the same age.
I can’t abide body shaming. 12 years old is old enough to be having a conversation about that.
It’s not self righteous to do that.

You’re spectacularly missing the point.

Commenting on it is normal for a 12 year old. Calling it ‘gross’ is rude and is something I’d call out as it’s bordering on body shaming, especially if it was followed by an ageist comment.

they don’t know where to look.

Away from the sight they apparently find so offensive? C'mon, he couldn't find a clear eyeline anywhere? It's not that hard.

nobody mentioned getting hot and bothered.

Oh c'mon again, it's a reasonable synonym for "uncomfortable", probably a more accurate one. Stop being so disingenuous.

So why is that ok for women to feel like that and men not?

It's fine for him to feel however he feels. It's not fine to blame the women for not prioritising curating his environment so that he never has to deal with an unwanted feeling.

it’s double standards and hypocrisy.

Oh not this again. As if the world is geared towards women's interests because some guy had to deal with seeing swimwear he didn't like. This is the worst he has to deal with? Thank God he's not a woman.

Making a general comment about being surrounded by bare arses is not body shaming. A 12 year old is entitled not to like that.

I have had kids and grandkids who were that age once...it's not unusual for kids that age to comment.
I think the poster who mentioned her daughter was referring to her daughters reaction to what the women were wearing rather than body-shaming them.

Body shaming definition. Expressing mockery or criticism about the shape, size, or appearance of a person's body.

Calling it gross is body shaming.

Calling it gross falls into this definition.

No it’s not. If she said they were fat/spotty arses that would have been body shaming. She just said she didn’t like being surrounded by them.

I can't be bothered scrolling back, but I got the impression the girl was referring to being surrounded by strange naked arses, which is pretty gross to a 12 year old, or funny, either way, it's not unusual for a kid to comment

Our opinions obviously differ.
I consider calling something ‘gross’ an insult.

You are getting a hard time on here OP. The thong bikinis with just triangle material covering nipples are horrendous on the beach, never mind a pool. And I have seen girls at the spa parading (yes parading, not walking) and looking around for attention. It is rather pathetic to see, and I can understand why he felt uncomfortable

But I don't get why they shouldn't be 'blamed' if that's what they were doing?

You weren't there. I would trust the OP's version before I'd trust yours, given it's her husband who was there and told her directly.

I can’t find the bit where the husband found it offensive? Was it in the OP?

your version of the word uncomfortable is different from mine. In my example of feeling uncomfortable around a group of thonged men I certainly am not hot and bothered so please don’t assume that’s what “uncomfortable” means for everyone. Uncomfortable can mean different things to different people.

I do think it’s hypocritical yes. I think you are oversimplifying it as just a reaction to swimwear.

How do they parade and how is it different from walking?

This.

Tell him not to watch women showering. Has he always been like this, describing the attire and actions of women in such creepy detail?

This made me laugh. The whole premise of a thong is to go up your bum!

This thread is kind of interesting. I still haven’t found a solid reason for wearing a thong bikini beyond it ‘making me feel good’ which to me means, I’m flaunting my naked body because I work out and want everyone to see. I work out too but only me and DH need to see the effects.

And it’s not unusual for a parent to gently call that out. If my child called women gross because of their choice of outfit I’d tell him that’s inappropriate.

Making a general comment isn’t an issue. Calling people gross is rude in my opinion.