Made to feel uncomfortable

[Scottishlassie10]

Now I’m all for people wearing what they want but I do think there is a time and a place. My husband was in the health club last night relaxing in the jacuzzi when a group of young women in their early 20s wearing bikinis that left little to the imagination (think thong bottoms and boobs barely covered) started parading around. They came into the jacuzzi which I know they’re entitled to do, however 2 sat next to him and 2 directly facing. It’s quite a big jacuzzi so they had no need to sit where they did. He was the only male in. He felt he had no option to leave as this made him feel quite uncomfortable. Now I may be unreasonable in my thinking but I do think if the shoe was on the other foot and a male was to strut around the poolside in a thong or a group of men where to sit in an empty jacuzzi in close proximity to a female complaints would be made.

Personally I think it's grim for people of either sex to be wearing so little in public. Nobody needs to be wearing a thong in public ffs.

I am struggling to imagine these young women needing to errrrr... rub themselves down in front of your husband. Odd behaviour, if that's how it was.

Do you think four women would go into a jacuzzi and try and entice one man? I don't wear bikinis often, the last time I did was probably ten years ago on holiday in Spain - but if I did go to a jacuzzi with a bikini on - it certainly wouldn't be to entice someone - why would a group of four women make the collective decision to entice one man? Presumably they didn't know he was in there when they walked in - given that he was there first?

And even if that's true, so what? It still doesn't give anyone the right to abuse them (I know OP's husband didn't abuse anyone) and it doesn't nullify anyone's responsibility to manage their own internal response to it.

Was dh actually bothered by seeing these women or were you bothered by dh seeing these women?

Nobody has mentioned any form of abuse whatsoever. The issue is people parading around in public basically naked. We’re British, we’re naturally prudes for heavens sake!

I remember being on a beach as a child and my family accidentally wandered into a nudist area.
I was horrified.
Not because the bodies were old, ugly or gross.
But because I was 10 or 12 and surrounded by naked adult bodies!
Gross 😱

Hope this helps your understanding:

Parading (Noun/Verb)

• Purpose: To show off, display, or celebrate. It is often ostentatious or intended to make people notice you.
• Context: Used for formal processions (military, festive), or, colloquially, walking around in new clothes to be admired.
• Connotation: Can be positive (celebration, pride) or negative (showing off, vanity), or imply making a spectacle of something.
• Examples:
• "They were parading around in their new costumes".

Oh but you are mistaken, you see the difference is the crotchless bit. A thong bikini isn't crotchless whereas a crotchless one is.

Well like the late Queen said...'Opinions may differ'...or something like that.😏

Yeah I’d agree with this. I’m not going to be saying yippee when a bunch of naked hairy bums are in my face.

Some may love that but I also need to teach my kids about privacy. I’m constantly talking about consent and privacy in order to keep them safe (and others) but it’s hard to do that when some people have their bodies on show in a certain way.

at least it’s a talking point and a chance to educate. Also a chance to talk to our kids about why makes them feel safe and secure and what clothes they’d like to wear.

Do you not think all humans have some degree of looking at people they are attracted at?

I think this has got out of hand. People on this thread are accusing a 12 year old of 'body shaming' because she thinks having to see everyone's bare arse is gross. Maybe have a bit of empathy for the girl who is essentially being flashed by tits and arses when she's trying to have fun swimming. I remember seeing glamour images at that age and finding it deeply uncomfortable and embarrassing.

This idea that women can wear whatever they want and it's fine and if you don't want to see their vulvas/arses/boobs then you're weird and misogynist - where the hell has this come from?

I suspect it's originally about the message that women aren't to blame for being raped or assaulted and it doesn't matter what they're wearing - which is absolutely correct and needed to be said/still needs to be said. But that doesn't mean that women have no responsibility for their behaviour in public. You still need to be reasonably covered up so that you're not flashing people.

I think people can do whatever they like, as long as it's pro-social. But when people insist on behaving in a way that makes others feel awkward or uncomfortable, we should draw a line. There's nothing misogynist about this.

Thank you. She didn’t even say it at the time as she’s obviously very polite and she didn’t stare in fact she had to look at her feet to avoid said ‘butt cheeks’ but she did mention it afterwards over a Fanta in the pub. And her comment was such a non issue to all of us. As we also had eyes and had seen the same thing. but this thread reminded me of her comment.

That's beside the point. You are sneering at people who wear revealing swimwear because in your mind, there can't be any reason for it except wanting to show off their bodies, unlike you who of course work out but only show it to your husband, as obviously it's your perfect right to do.

But it doesn't matter. Even if they are just doing it to show how well they work out (why did you want us to know that you work out?), it really makes no difference. They're still allowed to do it. It's not a moral failing, or if it is, well done, you're superior, that's your reward. So what?

Brilliantly put. x

You glance, you notice, you look away, you don't stare. You don't make someone else feel uncomfortable.
My kids are adults now, but they learned that pretty quickly when we visited Scandanavia and Germany when they were young. There's a lot more public nudity.

Thanks, but this doesn't answer the question. What are they actually doing rhat constitues parading? Because the more you talk, the more it sounds like "walking while wearing swimwear". What's ostentatious about it? Would you notice it if they had dry robes on?

No, I think four women might go into a jacuzzi to try and make him feel awkward enough to leave, though. Or maybe because they thought it would be funny to try and wind him up. And it's not really the point. OP never said they tried to 'entice' him, but that they made him feel uncomfortable because of how they were acting. Fair enough. Even if the parading and touching wasn't aimed at making him feel uncomfortable, it's still kind of inappropriate in a public place.

I think he doth protest too much. The 'parading', the 'strutting' the bum and breast rubbing in the shower. .
He descriptions were rather ott weren't they. It is no surprise that he had to make a sharp exit..

I think nudity is much easier to handle than sexy barely there underwear in a place where you have a reasonable expectation that people will be clothed appropriately for the occasion.

If you went into a Finnish sauna in a tiny thong bikini, it would be super weird.

Sanity has entered the conversation ✅

'This idea that women can wear whatever they want and it's fine and if you don't want to see their vulvas/arses/boobs then you're weird and misogynist - where the hell has this come from?'

Were they naked.? Nope. So breasts and 'vulva' were infact covered.

Stop. Bodyshaming. Women.

If you can't bear seeing bum cheeks in a pool or spa area stay at home with your smelling salts.

Yes, but they saw women on their lunchtime in a public park going topless, or men in Speedos in a supermarket. So it was about cultural differences.
Same when we went to live in a Muslim country.

'I suspect it's originally about the message that women aren't to blame for being raped or assaulted and it doesn't matter what they're wearing - which is absolutely correct and needed to be said/still needs to be said. But that doesn't mean that women have no responsibility for their behaviour in public.'

Oh dear. It's not out fault but it might be? Did you really just post that?

I would think they were wearing it to show off their bodies because only a certain body would wear a bikini. I doubt anyone would wear one unless they had a certain body type to show off.
It does say “look at me”.

I am a size 6 but still wouldn’t wear one because I don’t have a perfect body to show off and I am in my 40s and know that nobody wants to see that, however 20 years ago I would absolutely be wearing that tiny bikini and fully aware that it was getting every man’s attention and that would absolutely be giving me an ego boost (it was, what it was) why say it was anything else?
Unless they were a size 14 or something I would hazard a guess he liked what he saw.