To end my marriage tomorrow

[Shedding123]

Apologies for the dear Deirdre style title. Sat in shock on couch and just need a quick unbiased metaphorical talking to here.
DH and I been struggling for a long time now, stress of 2 kids one with physical disability and one with mental health challenges. Anger has been simmering in him for a while, he’s made digs about putting the kids first, not meeting his needs (we no longer share a room as I’m in with our dd who is on oxygen overnight and I can’t sleep unless I’m next to her, this is one of many many many examples).
we’ve been bumbling along essentially as flatmates under the same roof and I guess I thought once things more stable with the kids things might improve. Anyway it all kicked off tonight and I’m utterly devastated. We are away for half term in a placr
dear to our hearts and he’s been so moody for the last few days. Tonight the kids were squabbling and I eventually
had enough trying to deal with it solo so went into the room he’s been in all evening reading and asked if he was planning on coming to help me at all. Passive aggressiveness never good, I know. He lost it, stormed through, swore at the kids, my daughter told him it’s not nice to swear and he just started ranting on about how she’s too much like me, rude, how dare I be so rude to him, how dare I blame everything on him, I asked him calmly to stop in front of the kids and said this needs to be an adult
conversation between us and he laughed and said no chance, it’s good for the kids to hear how manipulative I am. It was horrendous. Our daughter was crying, our son was just stuck begging it to stop. He then calmly put the kettle on and handed me a cup of tea and told me to be grateful and is now reading in the other room again. I have no idea how a divorce would work, he is 68 so has said in spiteful moments he will retire if I leave him so he won’t pay anything, I earn low as am a carer for our daughter, I literally cannot imagine how we could run 2 houses. But there is no coming back from tonight is there? I know he will blame it all on me to the children but this feels so abusive towards them too having had to sit through that😭

Why are all you women arguing between each other ! Just ignore each other
it’s the OP thread

But surely that was a very real possibility from the outset given his age?

Absolutely not, but I wish she would have had really solid (ideally professional) financial advice to help her first. It really was all on her as she was left with us kids. In our specific situation she was deeply unhappy but not in an abusive situation.

My mother walked out on my emotionally abusive father with nothing but the clothes on her back. Yes it was a struggle but she was free from the abuse which she had endured for years and I know her only regret is not leaving sooner.

And everyone here has expressly advised the OP to seek legal, financial guidance etc.

Yep, that's all I was suggesting too. Someone asked whether I wished my mother stayed with my awful birth father - absolutely not. I'm not saying stay unduly, just tread carefully before jumping ship. Also if it is an abusive situation, the most dangerous time for a woman is when she's planning to leave anyway.

I must have misunderstood your post. Apologies

Hope the week has gone ok OP. Im assuming you're back from your break away that got spoiled