Help me deter neighbours

[Claytonclogs]

I have miserable neighbours. One woman coordinates with another neighbour to make sure that I can’t get my car in the drive most days of the week. My house is at the end of a very narrow dead end track and one of them parks their car opposite my drive each day after I’ve left for work preventing me turning in. Every day, the same charade - I go and ask them to move and maybe they do or maybe they don’t do it for a few hours. They both have drives and garages. They’ve had it in for me since I put in planning application for loft conversion. It was approved easily, it’s legal and was built considerately. I don’t overlook their properties or gardens from the loft.

Confronting doesn’t work, trying to diffuse doesn’t work, and I’m not interested in stuff like blocking their cars in retaliation. I don’t want to go down legal routes because don’t want formal disputes with the neighbours.

So … my goal is to appear so bizarre and wildly unhinged that they will think twice about blocking my drive or taking any action that might lead to an interaction with me. Creative and (legal) suggestions welcome!

Build yourself a Wacky Races vehicle so that you can accidentally sideswipe the annoyingly parked car as you turn into your drive?

Sorry, OP this sounds infuriating.

Something annoying but harmless like scattering their car with leaves or petals ?

Never walk down your drive only skip and sing loudly especially if they are watching?

I can't be arsed with my neighbours on one side either, you fart after 8pm and they chap the door to tell you to keep the noise down because the precious children were woken up.

Spend a good amount of time outside with a tape measure and some road chalk.

Make various markings. kneel down every so often and mutter. Talk to the flowers. Talk to the sun. Make some more chalk markings. Repeat. Ask the nature goddess to guide your hands with the chalk. Maybe sprinkle some glitter.

Aim to give the impression that you’re seeking some kind of other worldly inspiration to identify transit lines for accessing your drive.

I wouldn’t go in the drive. Leave your car in front of their’s. So they have to come and ask you to move yours. Then they will get fed up!

This exactly!

They are bullying you.

Buy a cheap vehicle and permanently park it opposite, to prevent them from doing it.

It would be a pain operating the manoeuvres, but at least you would have control and be able to get in/out of your drive.

Also they will get mightily pissed off with a car parked outside their house 24/7 but it will serve them right and give them a taste of their own medicine.

Or:

Park the car that you drive permanently outside their house 24/7. Again, they’ll soon get pissed off and give up. BUT, if they then commence at a later date, then so do you.

@HateThese4Leggedbeasts or Miranda style galloping!

And Id play them at their own game and park outside theirs.
Or if you want to try and reason with them knock on their door whilst holding home made cake/jam and demand to know why they are being so pathetically childish.

This is a brilliant idea!

I told my gossipy neighbour that I had paranoid schizophrenia knowing she would tell everyone now no neighbours bother me

Come on OP, your know the rules, we need a diagram 🤣

I would buy a job lot of blank cards and glitter and repeatedly post through their doors every day anonymously of course.
I would also block them in repeatedly.

When you next see them smile at them whilst staring right into their eyes for far longer than is comfortable.
Stay silent.
Stay still.
Keep smiling and staring.

Maybe stand at the end of their path , smiling and staring as they go in, or come out.
If you've got family get them to come and do it with you.

Do not respond to anything they say or do.
Just keep smiling and staring.

A few days should do it.

I would stop playing along. Go one morning (not when the car is parked there) to each door and say to them you've noticed they keep parking in a way that stops you getting to your home. Ask them why they are doing it. Ask them if it's because they objected to your development work. Let them know they've made their point, but you're not prepared to put up with it any more so are they prepared to draw a line?

They might sulkily stop. Or you might need to start blocking them in. When they ask you to move, remind them of the conversation and ask again if they are ready to leave it behind.

I agree with this

Ask them if they really want a war. Or not.

@MargeryBargery thats so creepy. Become the local freaky weirdo. Ha ha.

https://pakatak.co.uk/product/ltl-acorn-5310a-wildlife-spy-camera-trap/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=1519351838&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIhPmllrPckgMVTZRQBh0CgDN5EAQYBSABEgJCr_D_BwE

Get something like this and fix it somewhere visible but not easily reached and so it's obviously filming your driveway entrance/track. They might think twice if they realise you're capturing their efforts on camera.

Borrow a nice large slightly awkward vehicle (caravan, horse box, transit van) and leave it parked just close enough to, but not over, their drive that it’s hard for them to get out. It’s petty but so are they.

I'd be painting a nice set of double yellows

Some of these suggestions are hilarious. I might go for a combo approach of drawing arbitrary new age style symbols on the road while muttering about the beauty of the gravel, and smiling intensely without breaking eye contact every time I see them before delivering valentines cards through their door in March.

@Claytonclogs when you say they park the car opposite the drive, does that literally make it impossible to get into your drive?

What's the official parking situation? I'm wondering if anyone is allowed to park there, who owns that space etc.

Well I'm petty, plus my current car is old and I don't care about it so I probably would just do this. If they caught me on a pre-menstrual week I'd certainly have no qualms about just driving into their car when they've done this 😖.

Or failing all else go give them a swift and hard kick in the fanny 😁

Definitely this.