Help me deter neighbours

[Claytonclogs]

I have miserable neighbours. One woman coordinates with another neighbour to make sure that I can’t get my car in the drive most days of the week. My house is at the end of a very narrow dead end track and one of them parks their car opposite my drive each day after I’ve left for work preventing me turning in. Every day, the same charade - I go and ask them to move and maybe they do or maybe they don’t do it for a few hours. They both have drives and garages. They’ve had it in for me since I put in planning application for loft conversion. It was approved easily, it’s legal and was built considerately. I don’t overlook their properties or gardens from the loft.

Confronting doesn’t work, trying to diffuse doesn’t work, and I’m not interested in stuff like blocking their cars in retaliation. I don’t want to go down legal routes because don’t want formal disputes with the neighbours.

So … my goal is to appear so bizarre and wildly unhinged that they will think twice about blocking my drive or taking any action that might lead to an interaction with me. Creative and (legal) suggestions welcome!

I am very petty . I would do all of the above to piss them off and give them a taste of their own medicine. Also get family and friends to box them in. Show them you won’t be intimidated

This! Along with sprinkling their cars with bird seed to attract bird shit!

A brick through the window? Or buy yourself some earplugs, set their car alarm off every 20 minutes or so, blame the squirrels

I agree with this. Or block them in when you’re going away.

Nip down the local craft shop and get enough supplies to build a few voodoo doll figures, stick some large pins in them, in appropriate places, and secretly leave them prominently on their drivways or gates.......

A set of teenagers in your garden, a football being hoofed about, oh dear what a shame it would be if a ball was a bit too close to their cars 🙂

Why don’t you type up a (fake) planning permission for something ridiculous they will definitely hate and display it prominently like a real one. That will get them really annoyed for a bit. Especially if the can’t find the application online 🤣

Erect a super extra strong flood light on a pole with a movement detector and camera pointing at the location. Then also get a beware of the dog sign.
Start wearing hunting gear and going on an early morning walk calling your pretend dogs name and play loud recorded dog noises out your letter box.
Also get a kazoo. Poke it out your letter box and when you see them near your drive blow the kazoo.
Start talking in a texan accent and put up a sign for planning permission for a horse ranch.
Then invite friends over for a hoedown in the front lawn which is very loud and end it abruptly with gunshot.
Next time you see them say they cant park there anymore as the you will need space for the horse trailors to get in and out.
Do this even if your house and land is small.

Goodness I love women’s brains!

Block their car in on a day you don't need to be out first. When they ask you to move it, say you've had a drink and can't drive

@Claytonclogs it may be worth making a social services call incase there is something that they can support with. It seems like they may be starting to loose the capacity to drive and they may be a danger to themselves or others...

What a horrible situation. Is there no way you can just invite them for a drink or a cuppa and just talk this out? It's so important to get on with neighbours - surely there is a way to move on?

Do you know someone with a blue badge? Change their address to yours and arrange to have a disabled bay outside your home, there are a few hurdles but worth a thought

Lockable bollard. Cone.

Buy an ice cream van and park it in the spot

Buy a really cheap ugly car, SORN it if you must and park it where they would block you. Make sure it's a horrendous one so they have to stare at it every day. What a miserable cows!

Can't you just park opposite their drive making it difficult for them?

I’d buy the cheapest car going and insure it and leave it on their side permanently. It’s taxed an insured. Maybe a mobility scooter if needs be, anything to prevent them from blocking your drive. They’re arseholes. Hope you win this one OP 💐

If you want to laugh lots while preparing, I did the below to my husband for April fools.
Get a shit load of paper - any paper, and a hole punch. A 4 punch will be quicker than a 2. Punch all the paper, and collect the little circles. Poke them into the air vents. As soon as they turn the blowers on, they’ll fill the car.
Then repeat with glitter. Then finally, something really smelly, like tuna juice.
Enjoy.

Buy a banger(or ask a friend to borrow their car) and park infront/behind their car. When you come home, block them in with your car.

When they knock to move it- you can’t, you’ve had a drink.

I blocked someone who kept blocking my drive. They had to ask the other neighbour to move as I’d had a drink .

You could put flower pots near your drive to stop them parking.

Another thought: do you have a droops curb? Because if you do, you can put an old car on your drive and they can’t legally block you in.

I would just beep my horn really loudly every time they block your driveway and not stop until they move their car. That will get old pretty fast.

Ask the council if they can paint an H zone where your neighbours can’t park.
Or maybe the police would consider this anti social behaviour. They may send a PCSO down to talk to your neighbours z

British people really hate confrontation ah!? Jeez ... Just go around and ask politely to Not do it or you will put yours on theirs. Simple.
Tell them to call the police if they don't like it. It's your bloody house , why do you still ask permission to your own drive!

Get a load of horse manure and put it at the entrance to your drive. Keep topping it up on a weekly basis so it starts to stink to high heaven. If anyone complains, it for the roses (plant some roses!)