Help me deter neighbours

[Claytonclogs]

I have miserable neighbours. One woman coordinates with another neighbour to make sure that I can’t get my car in the drive most days of the week. My house is at the end of a very narrow dead end track and one of them parks their car opposite my drive each day after I’ve left for work preventing me turning in. Every day, the same charade - I go and ask them to move and maybe they do or maybe they don’t do it for a few hours. They both have drives and garages. They’ve had it in for me since I put in planning application for loft conversion. It was approved easily, it’s legal and was built considerately. I don’t overlook their properties or gardens from the loft.

Confronting doesn’t work, trying to diffuse doesn’t work, and I’m not interested in stuff like blocking their cars in retaliation. I don’t want to go down legal routes because don’t want formal disputes with the neighbours.

So … my goal is to appear so bizarre and wildly unhinged that they will think twice about blocking my drive or taking any action that might lead to an interaction with me. Creative and (legal) suggestions welcome!

I would go down the weirdo route. Get the sage out and burn it near their cars and entrances to their drives. Tell them you have seen some spirits around their houses and that spirits are attracted to bad feelings/ bad karma and keep crossing yourself when you pass their houses.

Do your normal things, but dressed as a lion. Water the garden. Put the bins out. Even leaving for work, get into the car as a lion. When it gets warmer, have a nice cup of tea in the front garden dressed as a lion. Very, very occasionally, stare out of a top window in your home dressed as a lion. Maybe at the moon, maybe at the birds. Who knows. You are a lion.

Fresh prince mind ya business sketch springs to mind.... start talking to yourself in front of them .... sinister....

I can’t stop laughing

Yes. Do this. Brilliant 😂

The problem with doing things like this (well for me anyway) would be that I would be pissing myself laughing at how funny I am, thus ruining the effect!

@NotnowMildrid is on to something. Parking another vehicle permanently in that spot would work. A motorbike rather than a car might give you enough space to get onto your drive without the palaver of moving your "space saver".

It would be less expensive than a car but might also play into your wish to appear to be someone they don't want to mess with. You could get yourself a full Hell's Angel's outfit. Maybe a helmet with horns on. Then wear these to wash your motorbike once a week.

Totally this!! Get the worst looking but still legal car u can find and park it where it will stop them doing what they do but double piss them off too, and yes they are absolutely bullies of the worst adult
kind. They need to get a bloody life .

Come, come, OP. Not real without a diagram!

Yes park a really knackered rusty vehicle opposite their house. Then use it to store things in, like old clothes.

Is it impossible to access your drive or just far trickier than you’d like? Would reversing in make it doable?

Otherwise I like the lion idea 😂

This. And smile a lot.

Have you actually asked them why they park there? Would they be embarrassed by confrontation & stop?

Get a friend to come round in a high vis, and stand there with them looking official, get them to take photos, measure the space.
They’ll wonder what’s going on. And as your friend leaves, hopefully they’re watching so pump the air and grin madly as if you’ve had some good news 🤣

People like this have too much time on their hands & are incredibly petty (we had a neighbour who was similar some years ago - tried to stop me walking the dog in a public area because “if someone saw me, other people might walk there”).

Just block their car in. Wait for them to knock, tell them you’re in the loo and you won’t be long.
when they start complaining how long you’re taking, say it’s none of your business, like blocking my drive isn’t your business, but I have the Tom tits - and then go to Kobe an imaginary piece of fluff from their face

Park adjacent to the other vehicle so they cannot drive off. When they ask you to move claim to have lost your keys.

It will help if you do not need to go anywhere for a couple of days.

Basically the more of a ball ache you can be the less they will do this in future. Verbal arguments will not work with people like this.

Buy some sage smudge burning sticks, and dance around outside with them, often.

Quite fancy doing it myself, although, I’d like real sage like I’ve seen in USA TV series, for a better effect 🤣

Put your wheelie bins there, but blather the handles and side in the anti theft paint/grease. Hopefully they will go to move it to park the car and get covered!

I think a lot of manic laughter would add to the overall ambience 🤣

Is there anywhere else you could park, once there's no reaction hopefully they
will get bored.,they must be watching you leave and know what time you get home.

I love so many of these ideas!! Maybe try a new one each day?? Alternate the lion with the sticky bins and the high vis friend. Then dance with some glitter and smile and wave!! Then leave the motorbike in place and add loads of cameras!!!

smile and wave. Smile and wave.

Could you speak to the neighbours and ask them to put a no parking sign up?

Do you have a Facebook group?
I would say on there a very passive aggressive message asking whose car this belongs to as it’s blocking your driveway.

They’ll either stop or they’ll try and justify it and then you can say about them having an empty driveway.

As a PP said, this is bullying and many bullies do not like it when other people know what’s going on.

Any time you can't get into your drive, park in front of their house. Leave your car there all weekend. Make it your parking space. If they ever ask you to move the car, refuse and tell them that you know where they live and nothing had better happen to your car...

If them larking on a bit of the road prevents access to your property, take some photos and submit to the council, requesting double yellow lines.

Order a skip or a 500ltr bag of manure for outside their drive. Then buy them a penis enlarger and sign them up for erectile disfunction subscriptions.

You could start to really care about wildlife, and start throwing birdseed along the track (whilst talking/singing to the birds, naturally, whether they are there or not) Once the crows etc learn it's a regular place to hang out I'm sure the neighbours won't want to park their car there anymore. Of course you wouldn't want to accidentally get any bird seed on their car, though it would be a shame if you were a poor aim whilst being so eco-friendly.