Help me deter neighbours

[Claytonclogs]

I have miserable neighbours. One woman coordinates with another neighbour to make sure that I can’t get my car in the drive most days of the week. My house is at the end of a very narrow dead end track and one of them parks their car opposite my drive each day after I’ve left for work preventing me turning in. Every day, the same charade - I go and ask them to move and maybe they do or maybe they don’t do it for a few hours. They both have drives and garages. They’ve had it in for me since I put in planning application for loft conversion. It was approved easily, it’s legal and was built considerately. I don’t overlook their properties or gardens from the loft.

Confronting doesn’t work, trying to diffuse doesn’t work, and I’m not interested in stuff like blocking their cars in retaliation. I don’t want to go down legal routes because don’t want formal disputes with the neighbours.

So … my goal is to appear so bizarre and wildly unhinged that they will think twice about blocking my drive or taking any action that might lead to an interaction with me. Creative and (legal) suggestions welcome!

Love this!

Buy a wreck, and when they're not looking, PARK IT near the place where they normally do to block you, but in a way which allows you to pass. Leave it there for MONTHS abd MONTHS and MONTHS.

I love this thread! Dying to read the next instalment, OP 😄

we really do need the laughter emoji back

It's odd they're so annoyed about your loft extension if it in no way affects them. I'm not disputing your story as I know some neighbours can be bonkers, but there must be a reason even if it's an unreasonable one. Do they not like how it looks or something?

Either way, I'm a bit of a hothead and after years of biting my tongue to avoid getting in arguments I don't give a shit nowadays - probs partly down to moving from a graduate job to a construction/site job where you can get away with speaking your mind. I wouldn't want an official dispute on record but if they kept doing it like clockwork I'd 100% just park in the middle of their drive and refuse to move it until they move theirs.

Not much they can do. Police wouldn't give a shit about this sort of thing. Honestly most people wont want the trouble if they realise you're not the type to fuck around.

🎶 Take Me Dancing Naked In The Rain 🎶
😂

Pot of yellow paint and a paint brush. Paint your own double yellow lines right over their car.

I think it might be fun to be all saccharine and terribly understanding about how difficult your own grandparents found parking as they got older. Maybe offer to help them reverse into their drives. Whisper - of course you understand how embarrassing it is, but they mustn't worry, it comes to us all - maybe you could all get together and talk to the residents committee about widening the track, or you know a company who can do a lovely job of widening their gateposts, you're thinking of having your own done too, it would be no disruption to them at all, only a couple of months of drilling.

No point pretending at this stage. You all know what the crack is.

Years ago I lived in an apartment with a designated space which was a different number from my appt. Not sure whether it had been reallocated or what but it was absolutely mine as double checked with letting agent and had it in writing.

One of the girls in another appt kept letting her boyfriend park his shitty old range rover there and every time I spoke to her she apologised but it still kept happening - think she didn't believe it was my space due to the number. I managed to get it clamped but he somehow removed the clamp without damaging it. In the end I just got the pickup from work and dragged it out my space, leaving it in the middle of the courtyard. 😂

It caused such a shitstorm he never did it again. Fucking prick. He came and hammered on my door but piped down when he saw my partner was twice his size with a squashed rugby player nose lol. I'm not saying do something this extreme but fuck em, time to stop playing along and being nice.

Wouldn't they just be able to drive around it? I think the issue is just when needing to take a wide swing onto drive?

Either way, I'd be raging. If I'd had planning permission then they can get to fuck. If my neighbours did this I'd make them regret it for sure.

I would do one of 3 things

1. move it is simpler
2. block their access with something big
3. leave random presents for them on their car ie a rubber duck, fake halloween hand, false teeth

bonus 4. whenever they park there go out and talk and talk and talk be a Hyacinth Bucket to them become their besties

Result! OP I say absolutely do something this extreme!

I like this!

I also agree with the, ‘you may need to play them at their own game’ responses. I know you’re trying to rise above it, OP, and don’t want to resort to that, but sometimes you have to speak the language they know… 🤷‍♀️

Waiting for them to die may take a while….

Oh maybe this!

I'd park across their drive if that's possible and when they ask you to move it, say oh, why do you need to get on your drive? I have the same problem not being able to get on my drive I thought it was the done thing up here so thought I'd join in, I like to be neighbourly, then just give a big stupid grin.

😂😂😂

Get a pair of crutches and hobble. May prick their conscience to stop making you go amd ask them.
Or lots of fake pus scabs on your hands which you noticeably touch their doors with/wipe their doorbells with a tissue and say eee sorry, highly contagious.

It's awful having to use crutches and have sore dry hands and this is in no way making light of the conditions 😕