dd15 induction tomorrow & i have a bug

[lunarwhisper]

Reposting in AIBU for traffic
Trying to keep this brief

My dd is 15 and she's 3 days overdue we went to the hospital yesterday for reduced movements all fine but she's been booked in for an induction tomorrow
We arent the closest and werent before the pregnancy either due to her behaviour at the time and she was living with her dad for a few months befoe she found out but i was meant to be her birthing partner .

Since shes been off school we have been closer and going out together when my younger dc are at school but we did have an argument as she wants to call the baby something ridiculous and she called me controlling

The dad isnt the nicest of boys and tbh neither is his dad ive only spoke to him once and that was when i told him dd was pregnant and he said how did his son know its his and called dd a slag

They eventually broke up and he was bullying her along with his friends in school which made her anxious about attending , she blocked him and they had no contact from december until recently , they aren't back together but apparently he does want to be involved

Anyway fast forward to the issue, she is due to be induced tomorrow and I've woken up today vomiting and I don't feel the greatest. The dc’s dad aren't really involved tbh but the plan was he come here and be with the dc (though they'll not be home during the day) and I go with dd. Im now unsure what to do as I wont be much help to dd and obviously with a bug on the labour ward wont be good anyway

The dad is under 16 so i doubt just then would be allowed and I dont think dd would want him there anyway , i don't know if shed want her dad there either(i wouldnt have wanted mine there at 15 and we were much closer than dd and her dad) and im unsure how much use he’d be

What the hell do we do??

He sounds immature rather than nasty. You're expecting him to act like a man but he just isn't. They're children having children ffs. Hopefully the birth will give him the shock he needs and mature him enough to allow him to be a decent father but the odds are stacked against him. 15 year old boys are not known for their maturity and responsibility.

An isolation room won’t work as drs etc will be in and out. They often rotate shifts between AN, PN and NICU / SCBU, you cannot risk passing on this illness. Your dd will have to go alone or with someone else.

As an aside OP I hope your daughter isn’t giving this baby the father’s surname. Please make her aware of the implications of this eg she will need to get his permission for all manner of things including going on holiday. Point out that if she gives the baby her surname and any subsequent children the same they will all have the same name, the only way she’ll guarantee it. Register the baby on the quiet.

Not to mention the fact that isolation rooms/side rooms should be prioritised for patients, not contagious family members. They are usually in short supply as it is.

Excellent point. This is a discussion that needs to be had after the birth and before registration.

You can't leave it any longer. She'll have to go on her own. If she's mature enough to get pregnant, she's mature enough to handle the midwives. Could be 3 days before the baby arrives. You obviously cannot go. Poor kid.

Pleased she has someone there.
I hope all goes well and you start feel better soon!

When the hospital knew I might be birthing alone they suggested a student midwife or nurse be assigned to me as a birthing partner. Not as good as someone she knows, of course, but a bit of continuity in the different wards and she might feel better having an adult to advocate for her.

That's a really good suggestion. And actually a student midwife probably won't be that much older than her 3/4 years older so will feel like a friend.

Op I hope you are better soon and able to support her. But you know what she's going to need you for a long time to come.

I hope you feel better OP and best of luck to your daughter.
I really hope it’s a smooth birth for her 💐

How's everything going op? Hope you are both ok xx

They are both underage so both have had sex with a minor unless there was any coercion
Do you really think it ,s in the public interest to involve the police?

My ex H wasn't there for my DD's birth. Actually, I was glad he wasn't (and we were still happily married at that point) since he hadn't been much support with DS. Being alone was ok, apart from stupid woman doctor who said I was using too much gas and air (idiot woman).

Your poor DD. I hope dad and (ex?) bf are good to her and that they find her a nice supportive nurse.

I was on my own for most of my labour and the nurses were great. My Mum arrived towards the end.

I had to go back to hospital a week after I had DD for some follow up treatment. Whilst I was on my drip there was a girl who looked around 15, with her friend (who was talking about going back to school) in the bay next to me. The midwife gave her a sweep (the poor mite had no idea what it was and the midwife didn’t make it seem optional) she cried and said ‘if I can’t handle this how can I handle labour’. I thought to myself if the midwife had explained to her first that it was going to hurt and what it was she could have prepped herself.

Are you sure there’s no woman you know of who could sit with her? I’m a guide leader and if a mum got in touch with me even years after the.girl had left I’d be there. Even a teacher/nice lady down the shop/a school mum from primary school who always seemed kind?

I’m in my thirties, happy to backpack across the world but there’s no way I’d want to labour on my own. Especially with how overstretched the NHS is, you often need an advocate.

You were not 15 though i assume ?

Could people please read my replies before commenting suggestions

To the poster saying it seems like immaturity rather than nastiness from the ex ive obviously not written everything down as wanted to keep my op etc brief but it is more than immaturity and he doesnt have the best role models with his dad calling dd a slag and i know one is his older brothers is in prison so im not surprised but at the same time he caused dd so much stress and upset during the pregnancy along with his friends and made her feel like she couldnt go to school as he was always waiting for her at the bus stop etc to shout things at her and regardless of being a teen or not thats no way to treat the mother of your child or anyone really and it lead to then girls in their year bullying her too who werent even friends of his the last few months of her being in school before she finished was really a nightmare . She hasn't fully decided when shes going back as she has said after easter seems too soon with it being just 2 months

anyway rant over
her dad messaged me just before lunchtime and said that she’d been having contractions this morning for a few hours and she was about 3 or 4 cm dilated (he couldnt remember) and they were talking about breaking her waters ive not heard anything since as he message me when he’d left them to get something to eat so presumably he has no single in the actual room

i am glad she took her dad

Good luck to your daughter
I hope the labour isn't too long and its straightforward.

I certainly think Social Services should be involved. A poster upthread indicated that this was a statutory SS duty when a child of this age is pregnant. OP hasn’t mentioned any interaction with them.

If she’s old enough to get pregnant and decide to have a baby she needs to be old enough to deal with it! Life isn’t easy anyway and she’s chosen to be a single parent at 15 so may as well get used to the harsh reality of what life will entail sooner rather than later.

Blimey, very empathetic