dd15 induction tomorrow & i have a bug

[lunarwhisper]

Reposting in AIBU for traffic
Trying to keep this brief

My dd is 15 and she's 3 days overdue we went to the hospital yesterday for reduced movements all fine but she's been booked in for an induction tomorrow
We arent the closest and werent before the pregnancy either due to her behaviour at the time and she was living with her dad for a few months befoe she found out but i was meant to be her birthing partner .

Since shes been off school we have been closer and going out together when my younger dc are at school but we did have an argument as she wants to call the baby something ridiculous and she called me controlling

The dad isnt the nicest of boys and tbh neither is his dad ive only spoke to him once and that was when i told him dd was pregnant and he said how did his son know its his and called dd a slag

They eventually broke up and he was bullying her along with his friends in school which made her anxious about attending , she blocked him and they had no contact from december until recently , they aren't back together but apparently he does want to be involved

Anyway fast forward to the issue, she is due to be induced tomorrow and I've woken up today vomiting and I don't feel the greatest. The dc’s dad aren't really involved tbh but the plan was he come here and be with the dc (though they'll not be home during the day) and I go with dd. Im now unsure what to do as I wont be much help to dd and obviously with a bug on the labour ward wont be good anyway

The dad is under 16 so i doubt just then would be allowed and I dont think dd would want him there anyway , i don't know if shed want her dad there either(i wouldnt have wanted mine there at 15 and we were much closer than dd and her dad) and im unsure how much use he’d be

What the hell do we do??

What about giving it to the postpartum mum and the baby ? It’s highly contagious. This is a terrible idea

This is such a tough situation, it must be so hard to not be with her. It's nobody's fault but she's just going to have to get through it.

I can't believe anyone suggesting delaying induction, I'm glad that wasn't an option. That could potentially make a tough situation so much worse.

i do hope he doesnt let her down but also she doesnt think this means she has to get back with him but she does seem to have him on a pedestal a little (see my reply above where i said she seemed to praise him just for making her a sandwich)

She's a 15 year old child about to have a baby with hardly any support in the world. I'm not surprised that she's looking for a knight in shining armour and a happy ending.

When I had my first induction from the time I went in to baby actually being born was around 72 hours, I can’t remember exactly but it was a long haul! So you could well be ok yet. Concentrate on getting yourself rested and well today and hopefully it all falls into place

Hope you feel better soon OP. And best of luck to your DD. It's s a worrying time but she will hopefully be home with baby before you know 🥰 (when I was induced with my first - dd came 3 hours after waters were broken/drip started)

Those saying that this child will “just have to learn how to get on with things on her own” are overlooking the fact she is a CHILD. She may have conceived another child but that doesn’t mean she’s not also a child. She needs a parent to sign off on major decisions around her health / finances / education because she is a child.

Being thrust into the position of being a mum doesn’t remove her own child status.

Can you ring the ward and ask them? Surely they have an isolated room and you could go and mask up etc.

Can you contact her school? Is there a teacher she trusts? I know it is a lot to ask of a teacher or TA and obviously the head would need to allow it.

@lunarwhisperwhere abouts are you located? I know the chances are very slim but if you are in my area, I would happily go and support your DD if she would like some female company.

Isn’t there a legal/criminal aspect to all this? Two under 16s?

I hope her dad and midwives are looking after her and her induction goes smoothly. I know you'll be worried but make sure you do your best to look after yourself today -lots of rest and liquids! - as even if you can't be by her side during the birth, you'll hopefully be fully recovered in time for your grandchild coming home. Got everything crossed this stressful situation is over quickly and you can fast forward to enjoying peaceful newborn snuggles. I'm sure motherhood will make your daughter's priorities shift quickly and she'll take the dad off the pedestal quickly!

Absolutely this. Sweet lord, what are we come to. I have a 15 year old and if she was in this situation I hope no-one would be telling her to 'get on with it'. @lunarwhisper as @deflatedbirthday said, it's not likely we're in the same area (West yorkshire in my case) but I'd be more than happy to help if I could

@Thewolvesarerunningagainalso West Yorkshire maybe we could tag team if the stars align!

It’s a Friday. Surely most friends would be working, mine all are

Hardly in the public interest to prosecute two under 16s for having presumably consensual sex, is it?

I had 2 pessaries, 1st did nothing, baby was born within 5 hours of the second one. But that was a second baby.

AIBU - I gave birth as a child and my mum arranged for two strangers off the internet to tag along for the birth

i know it's well-meant but...

Then let her go on her own. Unacceptable to go a labour ward with a vomiting bug. As for being “fed up”, being a petulant child will need to change now that she’s gotten herself into this situation

Maybe. But how young would you go before you found consensual sex OK?
14, 13, 12, 10?

Maybe parenting or lack of it is involved, hence a suggestion upthread of a safeguarding issue.

Half of MN doesn't know what 'safeguarding' means, tbh.

A pregnancy under 16 will automatically incur a referral to the LA social care team. OP's DD should have a named social worker and there should have been a pre-birth assessment which will, amongst other things, look for signs of coercion or abuse. It would be a good idea to notify them of the situation.

@BootleggedMaterialthe OP hasn’t arranged anything. Obviously it would be up to her daughter IF she felt she needed or wanted support.

For some people the kindness of a stranger might be preferable to someone they know.

Being fed up has got nothing to do with being a petulant child and more to do with the toll pregnancy can take on you. Adult women with multiple pregnancies behind them also often feel this way.

Speak to the hospital first of all, then if you need to, reach out to friends and see if there is anyone who can help and ask the hospital about a doula accompanying her as you can't. I wouldn't delay an induction for reduced movements and the baby previously measuring small for gestational age, always better to be on the safe side.

I would be very wary of her getting pregnant again ny this boy since she still "loves" him. Don't take responsibility for the baby. Make her responsible for the day to day care, let her carry the weight so she doesn't think it is easy.

Exactly - but make sure she knows the options - delay the induction, go alone, go with someone else
She might not know she can ask to delay