dd15 induction tomorrow & i have a bug

[lunarwhisper]

Reposting in AIBU for traffic
Trying to keep this brief

My dd is 15 and she's 3 days overdue we went to the hospital yesterday for reduced movements all fine but she's been booked in for an induction tomorrow
We arent the closest and werent before the pregnancy either due to her behaviour at the time and she was living with her dad for a few months befoe she found out but i was meant to be her birthing partner .

Since shes been off school we have been closer and going out together when my younger dc are at school but we did have an argument as she wants to call the baby something ridiculous and she called me controlling

The dad isnt the nicest of boys and tbh neither is his dad ive only spoke to him once and that was when i told him dd was pregnant and he said how did his son know its his and called dd a slag

They eventually broke up and he was bullying her along with his friends in school which made her anxious about attending , she blocked him and they had no contact from december until recently , they aren't back together but apparently he does want to be involved

Anyway fast forward to the issue, she is due to be induced tomorrow and I've woken up today vomiting and I don't feel the greatest. The dc’s dad aren't really involved tbh but the plan was he come here and be with the dc (though they'll not be home during the day) and I go with dd. Im now unsure what to do as I wont be much help to dd and obviously with a bug on the labour ward wont be good anyway

The dad is under 16 so i doubt just then would be allowed and I dont think dd would want him there anyway , i don't know if shed want her dad there either(i wouldnt have wanted mine there at 15 and we were much closer than dd and her dad) and im unsure how much use he’d be

What the hell do we do??

I’m referring to the posters who said not to give the baby the father’s surname, as if they do he will automatically then have rights to the baby. I know that’s not the way it works, others clearly don’t. I was pointing out that others want the father stripped of all rights, when it’s actually his baby too. Regardless of rights or wrongs, he is still now a father.

You seem overly involved in this. Has it hit a nerve with you?

I don't think the name matters when it comes to the fathers rights.

But I do agree the baby should have the mothers name. Highly unlikely she is going to marry the Dad and take his name. So the baby should have her name. Lots of silly things, clubs and groups who'll register child and who might use social media for communication, the same name acts as a memory jog, Karen Smith puts a note up, Bob won't be there, that will be Bob Smith rather than Bob Wilson.
Yeah yeah people should double check but reality is people will assume.

Traditionally that is the way it was done, Baby had mother's name, 95% of the time she would be married and have already taken the husbands name so baby had her new name.
But unmarried mothers gave their baby's their name.

He was bullying the mother. Why should the DD have to take an abusive person with her and her baby to the registry office, and why would it be a good idea to give him automatic PR? He can still apply to have it of he is bothered about it. Plenty of teenage fathers are not.

Let’s be real, the baby’s father will be useless. He bullied her while pregnant with his child.
Good luck, OP.

Aww, I’m so pleased everything is ok

Are you unhinged?? 😆😆 I’m literally responding to a post, as others do, this is a chat forum after all. 😵‍💫😵‍💫

Are you just making stuff up?? Reading but putting your own meaning to it?? Not even worth my time explaining your (incorrect) logic there.

What on earth are you talking about, sorry?

And I agree with the poster who said you sound emotionally invested.

Oh wow, so no one is allowed to respond to other posters 😵‍💫😵‍💫

Not wanting to get drawn into the drama, but surely it's really about the baby's rights to know and bond with their father (rather than the father's right).

Surname is a matter of personal choice for the mother to make.

Whether the father is named or not on the birth certificate, giving him parental responsibility, is a different matter. As is whether his involvement needs to be supervised due to his apparent abusive behaviour towards the mother - that's the key thing.

Bullying and abuse are basically synonymous, which raises concerns. So no, he probably shouldn’t be put on the birth certificate by the op’s DD.

He can apply to court for PR if he feels strongly this he wants influence in major decisions. But he doesn’t even need PR to have a contact arrangement (through court or informally).

You can always be added at a later date, but it is extremely rare for a parent to ever have their PR removed. It is something that needs consideration given the bullying.

From the sounds of the lad and his family there's no way he should be put on the birth cert and given PR.

He's abusive and we all know men abuse women through their kids.

Yes, it's an appalling idea.