Page 2 | dd15 induction tomorrow & i have a bug

lunarwhisper · 2026-02-12T19:57:31+00:00

Reposting in AIBU for traffic Trying to keep this brief My dd is 15 and she's 3 days overdue we went to the hospital yesterday for reduced movements all fine but she's been booked in for an induction tomorrow We arent the closest and werent before the pregnancy either due to her behaviour at the time and she was living with her dad for a few months befoe she found out but i was meant to be her birthing partner . Since shes been off school we have been closer and going out together when my younger dc are at school but we did have an argument as she wants to call the baby something ridiculous and she called me controlling The dad isnt the nicest of boys and tbh neither is his dad ive only spoke to him once and that was when i told him dd was pregnant and he said how did his son know its his and called dd a slag They eventually broke up and he was bullying her along with his friends in school which made her anxious about attending , she blocked him and they had no contact from december until recently , they aren't back together but apparently he does want to be involved Anyway fast forward to the issue, she is due to be induced tomorrow and I've woken up today vomiting and I don't feel the greatest. The dc’s dad aren't really involved tbh but the plan was he come here and be with the dc (though they'll not be home during the day) and I go with dd. Im now unsure what to do as I wont be much help to dd and obviously with a bug on the labour ward wont be good anyway The dad is under 16 so i doubt just then would be allowed and I dont think dd would want him there anyway , i don't know if shed want her dad there either(i wouldnt have wanted mine there at 15 and we were much closer than dd and her dad) and im unsure how much use he’d be What the hell do we do??

Keroppi · 12/02/2026 21:09

Can she not just go in for a sweep and monitoring then come back home to see if labour happens naturally? 3 days over is nothing really
But if it's because of reduced movements or foetal heartbeat etc then maybe she does need to be seen regularly and induced. It may take a few days so you have time to get over your bug
Could you speak to triage perhaps she could have her own room and you could visit her there without being on the labour ward and passing germs on.

paradiseshells · 12/02/2026 21:11

those saying she's going to be a single mum anyway so let her do it alone are cruel. She's 15 ffs

Oh FFS, people have suggested many things in this thread and OP has said none of them will work so what do you suggest?

People have suggested a friend or family member goes instead but OP said there is no one.
People suggested delaying the induction but OP said her daughter doesn’t want to.

It’s not about being cruel it’s about the fact that sometimes in life we have no choice. No one would ever say this is great because it isn’t but there will be staff at the hospital to support her.

apeaceful2026 · 12/02/2026 21:15

msmillicentcat · 12/02/2026 21:06

Would a doula be an option?

I was going to suggest this. I'm a single mum and had one as I'd have been completely alone otherwise and she was an amazing support.

sharkstale · 12/02/2026 21:15

paradiseshells · 12/02/2026 21:11

those saying she's going to be a single mum anyway so let her do it alone are cruel. She's 15 ffs

Oh FFS, people have suggested many things in this thread and OP has said none of them will work so what do you suggest?

People have suggested a friend or family member goes instead but OP said there is no one.
People suggested delaying the induction but OP said her daughter doesn’t want to.

It’s not about being cruel it’s about the fact that sometimes in life we have no choice. No one would ever say this is great because it isn’t but there will be staff at the hospital to support her.

At least you're aware my comment was aimed at you. Being a single mum and coping with what comes with that is very different to leaving a 15 year old to go through the induction process and give birth alone and basically saying 'tough', which is how your post came across.

Sassylovesbooks · 12/02/2026 21:18

You can't accompany your daughter, as you have a sickness bug. That's not an option and would be hugely irresponsible to go to a maternity ward knowing you are unwell. You have four choices to put to your daughter.

Your daughter goes into hospital to be induced on her own.
Your daughter calls the hospital and explains that you are unwell, and would it be possible to delay the induction by a 2-3 days.
Your daughter calls the hospital and explains you're unwell and can't be her birthing partner, is there any help the hospital can provide.
Your daughter's Dad goes with her instead.

Have you told your daughter that you are unwell and can't be her birthing partner? Or have you not yet told her? If you haven't told her, then you must as soon as possible, because, like it or not, your daughter is going to have to make a decision. None of the options are ideal, but your daughter has limited options available to her.

Original poster

lunarwhisper · 12/02/2026 21:23

She was having regular checks from about 36 weeks as he seemed to be measuring small but it seems like hes caught up now but then with the reduced movements yesterday they have booked her in for induction as shes overdue anyway baby is fine though

My friends will be working and her friends school i have spoken to her and she said shes only happy with me there or the babys dad which im unsure about as we all know what teen boys are like maturity wise but also because of how he and his friends treated her and also just him alone he once straight yo told dd he couldnt care less about her or the baby cue tears and stress from dd and thats when she blocked him but for a while she was still seeing him in school

he then sent her a long message from another account a few weeks ago saying he did care etc but at the time he could say anything to her in the hospital without me there so far hes come over a few times but ive been there and then dd praised him for making her a sandwich which is the bare minimum. her opinions of him are still quite skewed and she does still ‘love’ him

i dont know if hed even be allowed as he's under 16 would he need permission from a parent? as his dad 100% wouldnt give it after how the conversation with him went

i was last sick not that long ago i do think it's a bug as my youngest was off a few few ago although she only vomited once and soon perked up

it couldnt have come at a worse time

OP posts:

Sunshineclouds11 · 12/02/2026 21:25

I'm sorry op this is a stressful situation.

i would honestly be asking anyone I could who I trusted.
if a friend asked me in this situation I would be there to stand in.
as said, it could be couple of days before the baby is born, which hopefully your better for.

Kirbert2 · 12/02/2026 21:26

lunarwhisper · 12/02/2026 21:23

She was having regular checks from about 36 weeks as he seemed to be measuring small but it seems like hes caught up now but then with the reduced movements yesterday they have booked her in for induction as shes overdue anyway baby is fine though

My friends will be working and her friends school i have spoken to her and she said shes only happy with me there or the babys dad which im unsure about as we all know what teen boys are like maturity wise but also because of how he and his friends treated her and also just him alone he once straight yo told dd he couldnt care less about her or the baby cue tears and stress from dd and thats when she blocked him but for a while she was still seeing him in school

he then sent her a long message from another account a few weeks ago saying he did care etc but at the time he could say anything to her in the hospital without me there so far hes come over a few times but ive been there and then dd praised him for making her a sandwich which is the bare minimum. her opinions of him are still quite skewed and she does still ‘love’ him

i dont know if hed even be allowed as he's under 16 would he need permission from a parent? as his dad 100% wouldnt give it after how the conversation with him went

i was last sick not that long ago i do think it's a bug as my youngest was off a few few ago although she only vomited once and soon perked up

it couldnt have come at a worse time

He's the dad so I think it's unlikely that he'd need permission. Best to call the hospital and explain in the morning and they'll be able to advise you better.

They may even have someone who will be able to be with her at least some of the time such as a healthcare worker or a specialist midwife for teen mums.

BeeHive909 · 12/02/2026 21:35

It’s 48 hours from you last being sick. So you need to make plans. If your dd wants it over and done with then she needs to do the adult thing and go alone. Or if she wants you there she needs to wait as she isn’t that overdue. Can the dad’s mum come with her if you can’t? With the dad I expect they would let him being there as obviously mum is underage too but I think they’d want an adult there too.

Anonomoso · 12/02/2026 21:35

As much as both of the babies parents sound like they haven't had a good relationship during the pregnancy I'd take a step back and let the father be there.

Loiter in the car park if you feel you want/need to but they both made this baby and if your DD wants him there and he wants to be there so be it.

Left on there own without either parents around may just be what they need for a few hours. They're about to go through something life changing and will both have to grow up fast..
Be available, but in the shadows until needed.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 12/02/2026 21:43

I’ve laboured without any close people with me and it was crap so I certainly wouldn’t want a fifteen year old to do it. Any older women who are close to DD anywhere? A family friend, an aunt, a mentor of some kind. Even the mother of her best friend might be better than no one!

FryingPam · 12/02/2026 21:48

An induction is tough and she is only 15. I would ask anyone I can, it is an exceptional situation and people will understand. Friends of yours, a neighbour…if you can’t find anyone then I’d phone around to find a last minute doula or private midwife, then at least she has someone by her side who is only focused on her and will advocate for her.

Designless · 12/02/2026 21:51

lunarwhisper · 12/02/2026 21:23

She was having regular checks from about 36 weeks as he seemed to be measuring small but it seems like hes caught up now but then with the reduced movements yesterday they have booked her in for induction as shes overdue anyway baby is fine though

My friends will be working and her friends school i have spoken to her and she said shes only happy with me there or the babys dad which im unsure about as we all know what teen boys are like maturity wise but also because of how he and his friends treated her and also just him alone he once straight yo told dd he couldnt care less about her or the baby cue tears and stress from dd and thats when she blocked him but for a while she was still seeing him in school

he then sent her a long message from another account a few weeks ago saying he did care etc but at the time he could say anything to her in the hospital without me there so far hes come over a few times but ive been there and then dd praised him for making her a sandwich which is the bare minimum. her opinions of him are still quite skewed and she does still ‘love’ him

i dont know if hed even be allowed as he's under 16 would he need permission from a parent? as his dad 100% wouldnt give it after how the conversation with him went

i was last sick not that long ago i do think it's a bug as my youngest was off a few few ago although she only vomited once and soon perked up

it couldnt have come at a worse time

She is unfortunately going to have to get used to doing things alone.

Ophy83 · 12/02/2026 22:05

As he's the dad I'm sure he'd be allowed to attend. If she wants him.

Do you have a close friend you could ask? Otherwise maybe be with her remotely via a video call?

Eenameenadeeka · 12/02/2026 22:15

Oh gosh what a tricky situation to be in.
First of all, I do think you need to stay away at the moment because it would be horrendous for her to catch your bug right now, or her baby or others at hospital.
My personal experience of induction, and a few others I've known, is that it can actually take quite a while, so she might be able to go in with the Dad, or her Dad, and by the time labour is really picking up, it could be a couple of days and you'll be feeling better?

Hankunamatata · 12/02/2026 22:21

Does dd have a specialised midwife as she is only 15?

Saz12 · 12/02/2026 22:24

First off, call the ward and find out what their policy is. You cant be the only birthing partner ever to have had badly timed norovirus.

If DD only wants you, she has to wait 48 hours, if that's medically safe.

If she decides she wants the father present, and he agrees, then that's what will happen - as young as they both are, they're about to be parents so they need to get on with it.

Otherwise she can (a) go alone, or (b) go with any sensible kind adult who is available and SHE trusts. I've no idea if there's anyone school can suggest? She must've had some education support?

SumUp · 12/02/2026 22:27

If your daughter will consider it, please explain the situation to the maternity team and mention about finding her a doula.

https://doula.org.uk/access-fund

There is an access fund so it could be free of charge if a health professional will refer her, which due to her age and the circumstances I would expect they might.

Doula UK

https://doula.org.uk/access-fund

Kirbert2 · 12/02/2026 22:29

SumUp · 12/02/2026 22:27

If your daughter will consider it, please explain the situation to the maternity team and mention about finding her a doula.

https://doula.org.uk/access-fund

There is an access fund so it could be free of charge if a health professional will refer her, which due to her age and the circumstances I would expect they might.

The only issue with that is timing. It says to allow a minimum of 6 weeks before they will respond to a referral.

Quickchangenow · 12/02/2026 22:39

Doesn’t she have a best friend who would be able to miss school for this important event? __

Travelfairy · 12/02/2026 23:12

Those bugs usually last 48 hours. If you have no more vomiting could they postpone even by one day? This is really messy, I feel for you both. 15 is so young 😢 I'm sure she'll need someone with her. What about the dads mum? Better than nothing?

CinnamonBuns67 · 12/02/2026 23:12

You can't go when you have a sickness bug, not only does it put your DD and GC at risk but all the other mums and babies too.

What does your DD want to do? She is this baby's mum, this is her medical procedure. It is up to her and not anyone else. Does she want to delay until you are well? Would she prefer a friend of hers that is willing to support? Would she prefer her Dad? Would she prefer baby's dad? Would she prefer to have the support of just the midwives? Ask her what she wants to do and accept what she wants even if you don't like it.

SumUp · 13/02/2026 00:04

Kirbert2 · 12/02/2026 22:29

The only issue with that is timing. It says to allow a minimum of 6 weeks before they will respond to a referral.

Show quote history

It’s an unusual situation so still worth a try. Doulas are generally a lovely lot.

Needspaceforlego · 13/02/2026 00:18

I don't really think its appropriate to ask one of her pals, whos probably also only 15 whos likely to treat it as a joke or a big game, and a day of school rather than supporting her.

Aunties? Friends of yours? One of her Grans?
Could the hospital give her extra support.

I would ring the hospital and see what they suggest. As others have said inductions especially for a first baby can take a while (they can also be super fast) could someone else be their for a bit until your clear of your bug.

hollyandribbon · 13/02/2026 00:27

Needspaceforlego · 13/02/2026 00:18

I don't really think its appropriate to ask one of her pals, whos probably also only 15 whos likely to treat it as a joke or a big game, and a day of school rather than supporting her.

Aunties? Friends of yours? One of her Grans?
Could the hospital give her extra support.

I would ring the hospital and see what they suggest. As others have said inductions especially for a first baby can take a while (they can also be super fast) could someone else be their for a bit until your clear of your bug.

When I was 15 I would have absolutely stepped up and taken extremely seriously being the role of my friend’s birthing partner, but my MUM would have, without question, stepped in if my friends mum was poorly and unable to be there. OP I hope you’re feeling better and can be there for your dd but has she got a friends mum that can step in?