OP, I was a boring wife too. An absolutely fucking terrible wife, if you'd listened back then to the plaintive whinings of my then "D"H.
My crimes?
-wasn't "present enough" (I didn't have a "happy sexy party girl" sort of attitude) for "D"H.
-wasn't fun, was a killjoy.
-frumpy, and "never up for it" (sex)
-never relaxed or went out socialising.
-I was "always" working or doing housework, or focussed on the DC....never anything fun.
My reality (back then)?
I was working FT as a nurse. I was the breadwinner. I supported "D"H and two young DC (plus my DSS). I was juggling FT shift work (and often bank shifts), plus parenting, plus housework, plus trying to study (to progress in my work). "D"H was an alcoholic (and I found out later was also using a lot of drugs): he was gaslighting me into believing he was doing rehab/getting sober (either via AA etc or even the private residential rehab I paid for him to go to) or job hunting, or doing stuff around the house. It was all lies. I'd come home from a 13hr shift to find the house in a state, the kids not fed and ready for bed etc. I couldn't make any plans as he would wreck them (either by going AWOL - on benders as I found out later), or take to his bed (due to come downs, as I found out later). I'd sometimes wake up early (to get ready for work) and find he had gone AWOL at night and I had to scramble for someone to have the kids until school/nursery drop off. Our mutual friends would tell him about events (expecting him to let me know, and expecting him to try and sort babysitting so we could go as a couple): he wouldn't bother telling me, or sorting babysitting, and would show up and tell them I couldn't be bothered to go/was too busy working (that all came out in the wash at the end), or not to bother messaging me as I was busy at work. You never knew from day to day what antics he would get up to next. Yet I was the "boring" awful wife.
Not really a surprise that I was so fucking "boring" and awful, eh? I was literally trying to firefight each bloody day and keep treading water. So no energy for anything else, and it really is amazing (not!) what a passion killer and contempt builder it is to have a husband that behaves in such a way.
One day (after lurking here and reading many wonderful posts of advice from others), I got my lightbulb moment, reinforced my boundaries and stuck with them (he never thought I'd get to the point where I said "enough's enough"). We separated (so he could get sober etc/work on marriage - it was a final chance). I then found out about his OW and filed for divorce. Mutual friends found out all the shit he pulled (and about OW) and dropped him (they're all still friends with me). I have the best life now: still single, still working FT and solo parenting the DC. But it's bloody wonderful: me and the DC have fun, go places and have a happy/peaceful home.
XH and OW didn't last more than another 4 or 5 months. He still says to this day that the way he treated me was the biggest mistake of his life. These men don't know how lucky they are to have us....until they don't. After all the fun times and partying is done, what have they got?
I'm sorry he's treating you like this. I know how it feels. All I'll say is quietly take stock of situation and get an idea of logistics, finances etc etc. You don't have to do anything with it, but it's good to have the information. Don't tell him. Figure out YOUR boundaries and stick with them. Go and enjoy your time away with the kids. Also, reduce your mental load by stopping doing some boring things: his laundry etc. I also used to do small things for self care for myself, even if I couldn't get out of the house: a small box of posh chocs, curl up with a book in bed, a face mask, doing an exercise video at home. Easy stuff that made me feel better about myself :)