I'm too boring for DH

[Wowserbowser88]

Not even sure where to start with this one

Dh has been off with me all week. Snappy, short answers to any questions and just not engaged at all.

He had a drink tonight and finally admitted that he thinks i'm too boring for him. Because I don't have many friends. Don't go out and when I do its usually with work friends.

He thinks I am a terrible friend because I don't have many so I must be.

I don't go to any clubs or activities etc and we don't go out at the weekend often.

Here's the thing.. we have 2 children (8 and 4.) Both work full time and up until a year ago he worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) so I could never make plans as he was always on shift. Even now he often works shifts. tho less of them and has weeks where he is on call 24/7 so I can't do anything

He also goes to football most weekends all day on Saturday so i'm at home with kids and he may stay put in the pub after until late

He was away with work last week and said he sat in a hotel room just thinking how badly he'd messed up by marrying someone so boring

He seems to think people, even with young children are out socialising every weekend and we're not and the children will suffer because of it

Why do people always seem to think the father's will have kids 50/50 after divorce??? Dream on it won't happen

Goodness what a horrible thing for him to have said to you. I don’t think I could come back from that level of unkindness. It actually hurts my heart that somebody could say this to the person they are supposed to love and cherish, and who is the mother of their children. He’s hardly offering you an exciting life, dumping you with the kids while he goes off to football and the pub! The problem here is definitely not you OP, it’s him.

My ex said I was boring. Was getting involved with someone else

Throw him back. He won't have time for football when he has the DC every other week-end.
My ex said much the same to me, but it was 'not spontaneous' which is much the same as 'boring'. We also had two DC. He went off on work jollies and had a series of women who I was probably naive about, who were all much more spontaneous than me! So I had an affair and we divorced. Best thing I ever did. I married someone much nicer (not man I had an affair with) who is now late and I am so sad.
You will also find someone much better than your boring DH.

Of course it’s this. Sorry OP.

Cherchez La femme

I think he may be having an affair. And a lot this shit he is giving to youm maybe guilt. 24hrs:on call sounds dodgy. How do you know this is true?

He is trying to see how far he can push you so he can have more freedom and do even less

You sound a good mother and decent everyday person to me.

Dont fall for any of this nonsense from him. I think you need to think about maybe seperating from him.

You deserve better.

😻
X

I actually understand where your DH is coming from. I’m sorry.

I love my DH and I think he’s wonderful, but he is boring. And I didn’t realise how boring until we were already married with dc. He has no friends. Literally, not one. He goes out to work and thats it. He loves football and watches it on tv every weekend. The only 2 people he texts are me and his dad.

I love going out. He will go out with me, to please me, because he’s lovely. But he’ll have 1 pint and then sit and nurse the second uncomfortably until it’s time to go home. He won’t get up and dance with me. He’ll play the puggy, go out for smokes, engage in small chat with me.

He’s funny, he makes me laugh, he’s my best friend. But I have other friends too. Sadly, I am his whole world. Because he is boring.

seems your DH feels the same

That's really not the same thing as op's situation.

Op is ground down by work and childcare and holding down the fort when her husband works away, she has no time to go out and do fun things for herself.

I can relate to that. My partner is the same . Luckily I have my own house own friends and am very independent. I love spending time with him but I also need to do other stuff also. I don't restrict my life because he CBA to do stuff

In fact one of the main reasons I split up with my ex was that the minute DS was born he just became obsessed with making everything outside work about him. I no longer seemed important to him. Nor did doing anything that wasn't kid related. Bored me to death and basically was the death knoll on our relationship. I wanted someone who was interested in doing stuff both with and without me , not someone whose whole life was work and kid

I think he was projecting. He was in a hotel room drinking, not out having fun.

Society tells us we'll have a bigger social life with kids, we should be out at festivals etc. The reality is a lot more dull & he's struggling, and blaming you, rather than the situation.

I would tell him calmly that he cannot unsay what he said and that it was demeaning hurtful and showed the contempt he has for you. He cannot just row back and say in essence that what he said was correct but he should have been more tactful. He should be under no illusion that what he said to you is basically unforgivable and if he has any interest in saving your relationship he needs to start making an effort otherwise it’s over. I count myself as a family man and a weekend just with my wife and children as heaven- the most valuable people who will ever exist in my life. Sure I enjoy a beer with the lads but nothing beats time with my family. He seems very immature and equates having a good time or being interesting with going to the pub or having inane banter with acquaintances.

This man does not like you. Hes shown utter contempt towards you. He will slowly erode your self esteem until you are utterly depressed. I know its easy for strangers on the Internet to tell you to LTB, but please don't put up with this.

On a side note, where are all of his friends? Why can't he be the one to arrange social outings for you? Why do you have to be the one to entertain him and sort his life out for him?

Hi op unfortunately you married a twat, how can he say your boring if your stuck in with the kids all day Saturday then I bet you have house stuff to do on Sundays. I would definitely take that break but agree with others affair happening or he wants someone who is exciting for him. Tell him you are very happy to go out more if he’s willing to staying in on Saturday so you can have a life. Remind him someone has to be responsible for the dc and seeing as he’s out every week it’s hard for you to get out with friends but work friends are still friends so get out as much as you can but he’s still a twat being drunk means he was being more honest but keep an eye on him possibly eyeing up someone new.

Op I would see a solicitor. Find out where you stand. Don’t tell your dh.
I also would not be spending anytime on your dh. Stop doing his washing and ironing for a start, let the bastard use his own time for that. Don’t bother trying to forge friendships with his mates wives, concentrate on yourself, your family and your friends.
I also think your dh is either having an affair or thinking about it.
Go out and let him stay home. I don’t see a future in your marriage, I’m sorry. You might choose to stay but from what I have seen in life, you are only prolonging the agony. He will sleep around and one day either leave, or drive you to the point of leaving.
Also do not believe a word he says.

It’s a shame he is such a dick, OP. Sounds as if he didn’t enjoy time with his kids, which is a shame. Your kids are now at an age at which they will remember that he loved spending time at the football and disliked having family time if that’s the vibe he is giving. He is the one who is punching, as many women wouldn’t tolerate this behaviour or attitude (or the imbalance in free time - seriously, if he cannot see he has it made he is a massive twat) in a bloke they have married and had kids with.

This man is going to drag your self esteem to the ground. He’ll start taking liberties because you are just so boring. To spice things up, he’ll have an affair.

I bet you weren’t this”boring” before you met him and had kids. When we grow up life does get in the way. You can’t be exciting all the time when you have a 9-5 and two kids.

Sit down and think if this is the man who want to spend your life with.

OMG! I think you’re the one who’s messed up marrying him!

He sounds horrid. He’s supposed to be your best friend and infact the only friend you should ever need. Anyone else is just a bonus. He should be making you happy when he’s with you, not putting you down.

Is he cheating? Calling you boring may just be him trying to justify what he’s done or still doing.

I'm afraid that was my first thought.

It's a well known thing. He starts looking elsewhere, and manufactures anger at his wife and the mother of his children for imagined flaws, so that in his head he's justified in behaving in the way he is. They nearly all do it.

I think you’ve somewhat missed the point. It doesn’t matter if the OP is boring, doesn’t have friends etc. It’s the disdain with which he’s spoken to her. Why hasn’t he suggested looking after the children so she can have a hobby? Or organising an afternoon in the pub with children and wives as well? It’s not because the OP is boring, it’s because he’s checking out and has lost all respect for her.

I disagree very strongly with this. A husband should not be the only friend you'll ever need. Everyone needs friends outside the marriage and it's in fact where many many men go wrong. They are too repressed/messed up for proper male friendships, so they end up being reliant on their wives for partnership, sex, motherhood (often), friendship....everything. Unsurprisingly the poor woman "fails" at providing all of this 24/7 and so he ends up blaming her for her "flaws".

Not read the whole thread but please hold your head up and do not take on board his horrible words. You are doing an amazing job as a mother and f**k him!!

He's projecting or hiding something and the alcohol loosened his tongue. Motherhood changes everyone, our lives, hobbies etc unless you have a ton of support. I have zero social life, I try not to compare my life with other mums I know on Instagram because I feel rubbish not having a group of mates to do coffee, dinner or activities with but ive accepted this is my new norm like many women /main carers.

Going away with the kids is a brilliant idea, get some space and make a plan to get some clarity how would your life look if you decided to spilt ?

U are stronger than you know and do not deserved to be belittled and told such nastiness by a man who isn't even do his share! I went through similar (unhelpful, called me naggy/miserable ) with my daughters father i upped and left best thing i did she was only 5 months old but I feel better just co parenting and removing any romance from the situation. Things aren't perfect but I have more self esteem now and won't argue with him or put up with put downs !

@Wowserbowser88
I used to have a husband who would regularly point out my flaws. He wanted me to be the best version of myself, you see/ He also wanted me to be more interesting in a variety of ways.

i am now with someone lovely who seems to appreciate me the way I am and does not find me uninteresting.

also - what on earth is wrong with socialising with colleagues; isn’t that how they become friends? I’m 52 and I’ve just booked a holiday with a friend I worked with 30 years ago! And regularly socialise with current colleagues/friends…

You split up because your Ex was being a brilliant dad? And you felt left out. Now I’ve heard it all!

If you are boring he’s made you that way, although some people would call it responsible
its also quite tedious when a man has a wife and 2 kids but hasn’t actually managed to grow up 😬