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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm too boring for DH

504 replies

Wowserbowser88 · 06/02/2026 23:20

Not even sure where to start with this one

Dh has been off with me all week. Snappy, short answers to any questions and just not engaged at all.

He had a drink tonight and finally admitted that he thinks i'm too boring for him. Because I don't have many friends. Don't go out and when I do its usually with work friends.

He thinks I am a terrible friend because I don't have many so I must be.

I don't go to any clubs or activities etc and we don't go out at the weekend often.

Here's the thing.. we have 2 children (8 and 4.) Both work full time and up until a year ago he worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) so I could never make plans as he was always on shift. Even now he often works shifts. tho less of them and has weeks where he is on call 24/7 so I can't do anything

He also goes to football most weekends all day on Saturday so i'm at home with kids and he may stay put in the pub after until late

He was away with work last week and said he sat in a hotel room just thinking how badly he'd messed up by marrying someone so boring

He seems to think people, even with young children are out socialising every weekend and we're not and the children will suffer because of it

OP posts:
Blades2 · 07/02/2026 19:20

My brother once said this to his wife, and I’m not wanting to cause you drama or headache, but it was because he was having an emotional affair.
is there any inclination of there being another woman?

FlyBy2026 · 07/02/2026 19:24

Just come out and ask him,

”Hmm DH, you’ve come back from your trip and now you are questioning our marriage. Have you met someone? Why else would you suddenly be questioning the life we’ve built. Well, I’m not happy about this at all. You’ve got me really suspicious now”.

Then see if he craps himself.

RedToothBrush · 07/02/2026 19:46

Who is she?
Wait until he has kids with her...

Mykneesareshot · 07/02/2026 19:46

ByDreamyNavyDreamer · 06/02/2026 23:30

I would be looking for evidence he’s cheating. He’s looking for ways to blame you.

Yep, in a hotel.room thinking about how boring his wife is, sure he was. He's checking out and going to blame OP for it. What an absolute c u n t. LTB!

PifandHercule · 07/02/2026 19:48

ByDreamyNavyDreamer · 06/02/2026 23:30

I would be looking for evidence he’s cheating. He’s looking for ways to blame you.

Yes, this!

Jeschara · 07/02/2026 19:50

In my opinion he is going to be sorry and full of regret when/if she leaves.
There could be another woman, but with his attitude and personality who would want him.
Hope you love a lovely time away OP.

Willowywisp · 07/02/2026 19:52

Wowserbowser88 · 07/02/2026 16:46

Thank you for all the responses, I have read all of them so can't reply individually to all but I truly appreciate all of them

Today has been hard. Was up most of the night thinking. Then had kids swimming lessons this morning. Went on my own obviously and then a party for the youngest this afternoon.

He has kind of apologised, said he was drunk and didn't mean most of what he said. He did say he still think we could be doing more socialising and going out more and that he finds weekends where we don't do a lot hard

But i'm numb. I think I am done. His words didn't really mean anything to me and I can't look past the absolute contempt and nastiness in which he spoke to me last night

Its also not the first time this has happened. We have had various arguments over the years, it always xome back to him saying i'm not good enough, what i do isn't good enough, he wants more from me etc and I just don't have anything left to give

I've arranged to go out for drinks with some friends from work Monday after work and we're being civil in front of each other for the kids.

He's dead weight. Cut him loose and feel yourself feel better instantly.

Plovx · 07/02/2026 19:54

he is a piece of shit

thats all really

cloudtreecarpet · 07/02/2026 19:57

Jeschara · 07/02/2026 19:50

In my opinion he is going to be sorry and full of regret when/if she leaves.
There could be another woman, but with his attitude and personality who would want him.
Hope you love a lovely time away OP.

I know you mean well but given this thread is full of people telling the OP her husband, who has been pretty vile to her, is likely cheating on her I don't imagine she is going to have "a lovely time away".

Getting away and having some space to think is a good idea but the OP is going through a tough time right now & there will be some difficult times ahead whatever she decides.
It's unlikely to be a lovely half term this time but hopefully there will be lovely ones in the future.

nomas · 07/02/2026 20:02

He’s an utter cunt. Arranges it so that you’re primary care giver for the kids, even on Saturdays when he plays football, and then blames you for it all.

I think you’re right to feel done.

nomas · 07/02/2026 20:03

cloudtreecarpet · 07/02/2026 19:57

I know you mean well but given this thread is full of people telling the OP her husband, who has been pretty vile to her, is likely cheating on her I don't imagine she is going to have "a lovely time away".

Getting away and having some space to think is a good idea but the OP is going through a tough time right now & there will be some difficult times ahead whatever she decides.
It's unlikely to be a lovely half term this time but hopefully there will be lovely ones in the future.

Show quote history

What on earth? That post was perfectly fine and supportive to OP, you really had no need to police it. Jesus.

Probablyshouldntsay · 07/02/2026 20:04

What an idiot he is OP. Does he seriously think he’ll be replacing you? With someone better?
silly sod probably imagines some Megan fox lookalike will be happily hopping on his pretend motorbike and sinking pints of Guinness at the pub while laughing at all his shit jokes.
Fwiw my exh did this- me and my dc had had a lovely weekend, baking, playing, run around on the beach. He took the moment on the beach to tell me he was ‘wondering if this is all there really is to life.is this it?’ Like it was nothing.
In the 10 years since we split up I’ve been promoted 3 times, taken dc on amazing holidays all over the world, rescued a couple pets, been on spa days, completed 2 triathlons, made a couple of really great friends.
He does even less now than when we were together. He’s not unhappy but he definitely is the boring parent these days

Pepperlee · 07/02/2026 20:06

I've often found that those who complain about others being boring are the biggest bores themselves. Why is it up to you to entertain this tw*t? Clear off early one weekend day and tell him that as he finds you boring that you're giving him space to find the entertainment he craves... with his kids.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/02/2026 20:14

Wowserbowser88 · 07/02/2026 18:23

I'm now looking at somewhere to go during half term. I have the week off as there is obviously no possibility of him taking any of it off

So trying to find somewhere just me and the kids for a few days for some space for all of us.

this is a great idea OP.. have a lovely week with your DC without being criticised

I'd keep it all under your hat and tell him at the very last minute... tell him its an exciting "spur of the moment thing" as you are taking his well meaning advice. I bet he hasn't had a single idea for entertaining the kids during half term and has been untroubled by any plan for them at all.

Don't stock the fridge... or make any other preps at all .. except for you and the DC. Let him fend for himself.

And when you get back... don't give him any details like on Monday we did xyz, and so on because he will probably take it down and say "is that all?" so do not justify your break and activities to him in any way ... just smile knowingly, "It was glorious. Every day was a joy and The DC said it was the BEST half term they ever had."
Then Mic drop.

MadMadaMim · 07/02/2026 20:21

So you're boring because you don't have a social calendar arranged? For the whole family. That's basically the gist of what he's saying.

What's stopping him from arranging this great social life you're all missing out on?

Why can't he arrange for his footie mates and wives to all get together with you? Why can't he arrange stuff for family at weekends?

Why do husbands and fathers think it's the wife's responsibility to be social secretary, PA etc. Every time he makes these comments and observations, turn it back to him. Matter of factly. Or better still, respond with 'what a great idea, go ahead and arrange that'.

But ultimately, I'm with you. I wouldn't be able to get past the things said very easily. Just because he was drunk doesn't mean he didn't think them, say them out loud and cause hurt.

If it was such a mistake and he would be so better off without you, tell him to go.

GarlicBound · 07/02/2026 20:22

Wowserbowser88 · 07/02/2026 18:23

I'm now looking at somewhere to go during half term. I have the week off as there is obviously no possibility of him taking any of it off

So trying to find somewhere just me and the kids for a few days for some space for all of us.

... and popping a little camera in the house while you're away? 🕵

Isekaied · 07/02/2026 20:22

ByDreamyNavyDreamer · 06/02/2026 23:30

I would be looking for evidence he’s cheating. He’s looking for ways to blame you.

This

EarthSight · 07/02/2026 20:27

He was away with work last week and said he sat in a hotel room just thinking how badly he'd messed up by marrying someone so boring

I'm so sorry. This must have hurt a lot to hear.

I'm afraid he seems to be rebelling against time, the loss of his youth, being a parent and taking it out on you, thinking you're the problem when you're not.

He also wants you to doll yourself up whilst he presumably gets to age like a potato? Usually such men have incredibly high standards for women compared to themselves.

It sounds to me like he's likely to cheat I'm afraid. Prepare yourself.

CathyFitzs · 07/02/2026 20:27

Yes, I think he may be cheating , is trying to provoke you into a row and/or hoping you’ll say you can’t stay with someone who thinks she’s boring. He wants you to leave to make it easy for him. There’s definitely another woman- he’ll swear there isn’t of course- but she will appear when you’ve been separated about six months- he’ll say they were ‘just friends’ before then.

KHMum123 · 07/02/2026 20:40

Wow - he obviously doesn't appreciate all the stuff your doing. Can't believe he's calling you boring when your doing 99% of all the tasks a parent has to whilst he does whatever he wants.

I do think you need to get out of there 🙃

Coffeebeanzz · 07/02/2026 20:41

I agree with some previous posters op, he is up to something and is clutching at straws to find fault with you to justify his rubbish behaviour. Is he normally like this or is it completely out of the blue? There's something else going on here I think

Middlemarch123 · 07/02/2026 20:42

He won’t find you boring when you file for divorce will he @Wowserbowser88
Please don’t get taken in by this waste of space, you deserve so much better.

Build5bear · 07/02/2026 20:44

He’s having an affair by the way. Even if he thought you were boring, the vicious unkindness smacks of guilt and trying to reframe things as your fault not his. No way on earth was he in that hotel room alone. He wants other woman, and resents you for not being her. Would bet money on it. You deserve better and good riddance.

Latebloomer121 · 07/02/2026 20:56

ProfessionalTeaDrinker · 06/02/2026 23:27

You need to go back to him and say that you are really pleased he's noticed, you feel the same and are so grateful that he understands and will now be giving up his Saturday football so you can have the time to socialise while he watches the kids.....

But he also has a plain and simple answer: "No". You can't force him.

Changeiscoming1111 · 07/02/2026 20:58

He is going to leave you, and is justifying it to himself. It’s not a case of if but a matter of when. Get yourself ready for it.

You are not boring, you are a mother, and he is a man not doing his fair share of the family responsibilities.

Use what he said to your advantage for some solo time, time for you, to do something you want to. And I guarantee he will not be supportive or encouraging of this. Put yourself first, and put more pressure on him to step up.