I'm too boring for DH

[Wowserbowser88]

Not even sure where to start with this one

Dh has been off with me all week. Snappy, short answers to any questions and just not engaged at all.

He had a drink tonight and finally admitted that he thinks i'm too boring for him. Because I don't have many friends. Don't go out and when I do its usually with work friends.

He thinks I am a terrible friend because I don't have many so I must be.

I don't go to any clubs or activities etc and we don't go out at the weekend often.

Here's the thing.. we have 2 children (8 and 4.) Both work full time and up until a year ago he worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) so I could never make plans as he was always on shift. Even now he often works shifts. tho less of them and has weeks where he is on call 24/7 so I can't do anything

He also goes to football most weekends all day on Saturday so i'm at home with kids and he may stay put in the pub after until late

He was away with work last week and said he sat in a hotel room just thinking how badly he'd messed up by marrying someone so boring

He seems to think people, even with young children are out socialising every weekend and we're not and the children will suffer because of it

Agreed. When my ex was caught having an affair with a woman 20 years his junior, his excuse was that I was boring and she was much more fun than I was. It's textbook!

Whats wrong with actually wanting a partner that wanted to spend some time with me? Blokes get slagged off enough on here for not doing so

THIS!

He fully embraced being a parent. Pity you didn't.

Sweetheart you’re not boring. You seem content in your own company and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Can't help wondering who the 3% are who think that this lovely lady is being unreasonable. Can we help her get her life back?

agree with all the posts (the ones I've read on page 1 anyway- haven't seen the others) what a horrible thing to say to you- his wife and the mother of his children who spends all her time caring for them and providing for them. you deserve so much better and I'm really sorry to hear you've been treated this way. I wish you luck and courage in dealing with it- you will know in your heart what to do

I once had a husband who treated me in a similar fashion... he would go away for weekends and verbally abuse me when he came home. We had a very messy divorce in the end when I finally plucked up the courage to leave him. He is an absolutely awful co-parent to be honest and the children have really, really suffered..... but, I met a lovely man who could not be more different and is absolutely wonderful. we got married last year and have a little 3 year old. I felt so much happier once I left. I hope you know you don't deserve this, the things he has said are NOT true, and you sound like a wonderful, devoted mother and quite a saintly wife.

Wow, what a selfish tripod douche you married!

With two children and a full-time job where is the time to socialise plus get a bit of rest to reenergise for next week's work? Sounds like you've allowed him constant slack to do the least work within the house, the least responsibilities with the children, and this is now the after-effect.

I would probably be more 'boring' than you; I'd dump the full responsibility of the children on him asaps. He would be fully responsible to look after them, feed them, dress them, take them to school, pick them up after school, make sure they have a sitter whenever he wants to loiter at the pubs, games, or socialising. I wouldn't lift a finger henceforth. And if he complains, tell him thanks to him you'd been forced to lead such a boring life for far too long, and you're catching up.

I certainly wouldn't put up with his sht too long. I wouldn't argue and pick fights though (what good will that do?), and instead strategically offload your workload on him - and then go out and enjoy your 'me' time.

I agree with others saying he’s had his head turned, probably somebody younger who goes out more and seems more “fun” - oh well, you can go out a lot more once you fuck him off and it’s his weekend to have the kids 👌

Great idea.

That sounds like a great idea. I hope you have a wonderful time, and best of luck with this situation. Your husband will be regretting his words if you divorce and he ends up having to solo parent your children for whatever split you decide on. He’ll soon realised just how time consuming being a parent is, instead of a roommate who does their own thing all the time and barely spends any time with his family.

So what is he doing to arrange this social life that he is so upset about missing?

@Wowserbowser88 tell him you'd love a busy weekend and ask him to let you know what you need to pack for you and the kids. Put the effort on him. He can tee up something fun with his mates and their families.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Don't book for the kids. Get all your financial business collected to see a solicitor and tell him to step up for his kids because he's going to need to learn how once the divorce is finalised. See how exciting he finds you once you're having an exotic holiday alone. He will imagine you off flirting - even if you're really soaking up trashy novels by a pool. Leave him in the dark about what you chose to get up to because it is none of his business.

he has someone else lined up OP - forewarned
is forearmed - he sounds dreary anyway

What a pathetic man. I wonder how he'd feel if you had a hobby on weekends that coincided with his football games so you couldn't look after the kids. Then he'd probably tell you off for being too interesting.
Sounds like he's dead weight OP, I'm sorry 💐

My ex said the same thing - when I was heavily pregnant and he decided that was the time to start clubbing until 7am twice a week. I sat on the sofa by myself, heavily pregnant with my huge bump while I watched him fuss around, dither on what to wear and what cologne to use for his night out. In hindsight it was utterly pathetic, but I was so pregnant and felt too vulnerable to do much. I argued with him constantly and said his behaviour was the issue, I wasn’t boring for not going out at all hours whilst pregnant.

He cheated on me with a sex worker. I don’t want to tell you to leave your DH, only you know your relationship, you have a life and kids together. But if someone can be that nasty to you, it’s a major red flag. And I also agree with the other posters who say he’s finding a way to blame you for a life he doesn’t seem to want to accept anymore.

Newsflash pal, having 2 kids is tough and you aren’t going to have time for champagne brunches or trekking to Everest base camp. Pathetic little man who blames his feelings of inadequacy and being trapped by a family life HE signed up for on you. Fuck that guy.

Hi ate you staying in the hotel today

You could get an awful lot less boring and book yourself a week alone in Rio and not tell him. Or sell the car and buy a motorbike and side car. Or come home very drunk, smash all the windows and bury has football boots in the garden. That’s probably exactly what he wants in an exciting wife.
on second thoughts, consider just being an exiting wife, what an absolute cold hearted bastard.

Sorry but you’ve married a whiny arsehole / man child. He sods off every weekend and leaves you to it, and then has the blatant cheek to criticise you for not having a social life??! Seriously, if you can separate, do so now before this dead weight drags you down even further.

Start just spending Sunday doing whatever you want to do outside of the house and leave him home with the kids.

OP he is horrible. I’m so sorry.

He’s been allowed to get away with dealing with the realities of fatherhood. How many times has he stayed at home while you built your external relationships? How many times do you prioritise your career? Do you even work?

I would suggest you come up with a plan to make this work in your favour. Like “yes darling husband you’re right I don’t have many friends, so next weekend, I’m going to start a Zumba class” or something like this, “and you’re looking after the kids”.

you will need to swap roles - sounds like you’ve been stuck at home with the kids and yes, this does make housewives a bit boring. So what are you going to do to change it? Be proactive.

otherwise I think your husband sounds like he’s looking for reasons to leave. And if he’s been uninvolved with the children, or left that to you, then he will be a shitty ex husband and part time dad.

What about absolute abusive arsehole. Get back in touch with your friends, you will need them when you leave this prick. He is chipping away at your confidence until you end up as a shadow of yourself. My ex DH used to say I wasn't good enough for him just as a way of knocking me down.

Also there so many adult classes for anything you might want to try out from pottery to dancing. If he is working shift then he must have time off in the week. You have been busy parenting and working so he can have time for his football. Reclaim your time and get in touch with old friends and make new ones.

Remember you are not 'boring' he is finding reasons and excuses to put you down. This is emotional abuse and i would leave his sorry arse. Enjoy your half term with the kids. You are practically a single parent anyway and it seems he doesn't add anything to your life.

Says who? Because I had OTHER interests apart from the kids? If I had been the same insular way he became I wouldn't have ever met him as i wouldn't have been out and about to do so . I'd have been only doing kid stuff with my eldest 2. So he wouldn't have even HAD his DC .

He may well have been a good father but he turned into a crap partner. As people keep saying on here " why set the bar so low?". I wasn't with him to " give me a baby and be a great dad" I was with him as I wanted an adult relationship.