I'm too boring for DH

[Wowserbowser88]

Not even sure where to start with this one

Dh has been off with me all week. Snappy, short answers to any questions and just not engaged at all.

He had a drink tonight and finally admitted that he thinks i'm too boring for him. Because I don't have many friends. Don't go out and when I do its usually with work friends.

He thinks I am a terrible friend because I don't have many so I must be.

I don't go to any clubs or activities etc and we don't go out at the weekend often.

Here's the thing.. we have 2 children (8 and 4.) Both work full time and up until a year ago he worked shifts (earlies/lates/nights) so I could never make plans as he was always on shift. Even now he often works shifts. tho less of them and has weeks where he is on call 24/7 so I can't do anything

He also goes to football most weekends all day on Saturday so i'm at home with kids and he may stay put in the pub after until late

He was away with work last week and said he sat in a hotel room just thinking how badly he'd messed up by marrying someone so boring

He seems to think people, even with young children are out socialising every weekend and we're not and the children will suffer because of it

Yes I'd do this tomorrow AM then take my boring arse out for 10hrs plus

Id have an affair with his best friend.
Obviously I'm joking but I'm furious on your behalf and would want to fck shit up.

And you haven’t left this goddawful man who is treating you like shit and making you feel shit because….?
and don’t say the kids, because staying in a relationship with a man this awful and them seeing how he treats you and seeing you accepting it, is pretty much the worst thing you can be role modelling them.

So he’s bored & instead of trying to do something about it he just blames you and makes it your problem. Has he offered any solutions to this predicament? If I was you I’d take this criticism as an offer for him to be at home more with the kids. Join a gym or a club get yourself a hobby, if you don’t have many friends maybe reach out to your local Facebook group and ask to meet up with similar people (I see this on my local group all the time, there’s always a healthy response of people wanting to make more friends). You can either allow this to crush your self esteem or use it as a boost to open your life up.

my mate left her husband because he was ‘boring’. I tried to talk her out of it as in truth she isn’t life & soul of any party so was quite baffled. She’s now with a man I would say is even more boring (he’ll do more things like holidays etc) but my gosh I can barely manage pleasantries without trying to get away before he bores me with work talk and sales targets. She’s even admitted she wishes she had tried to make things work with the ex as the upset it caused everyone just wasn’t worth where she finds herself now

So now you have plans. Every night at the kids bedtime you'll be at the gym. And every Friday night you'll be out clubbing, which means you'll need a Saturday morning lie in so he'll need to get up with the kids. OH AND Sunday brunch - all the fun women do that! You dont even need to do these things OP, just take that time for yourself so go and do what you want.

The problem with leaving dh with the kids for the day so he can't FO at football/the pub all day is the kids always suffer.
If he really is a shit partner and has shown his cards (the contempt) then the only solution is to LTB. Why would any self-respecting woman stay? Serve papers demanding everything.

Yeah OP, I agree with other posters that this isn't about you. Something is going on with him that he is being a nasty twat towards you. He is provoking you. Agree that he might have had his head turned or something else but it definitely isn't you.

I would start preparing myself but meanwhile don't put up with any of his rubbish.

When was the last time you both went out together and had fun? It is tricky to find time to do things together with kids and work but it is something you have to put effort into to keep the spark. I think most of the responses have been very critical of you DH, but he has opened up, told you how he is feeling and only you will know if this is someone you want to work on/sort out to save your manage.

Another woman has appeared

Nasty abusive arsehole whose had his head turned and is rewriting history.
He's absolute scum.
Protect yourself.

For real? The DH hasn't said, We've lost our spark; we've become a boring couple; we need to work on our connection. He has been utterly full of contempt and fucks off when he could be spending time with DW and DC. He has agency fgs.

Why is this up to OP alone to sort this? Why does she need to do emotional labour of teasing out what he really felt and meant when he said that? Why can he not come to her and say "I feel like we need to do more things as a couple. I've arranged a babysitter for next Friday night and I am taking you out"?
Seriously, we need to expect more from men. I am just a garden variety 40+ year old and I have men texting me poetry every night and sending me two options for a date activity to choose from with zero input or prompting from me. Why would I ever set my standard so low that I feel I have to "fix" an imaginary problem which is presented to me in a form of an insult from a guy who supposedly loves me?

I’m sorry , OP. He’s an absolute dick!

Most people with children do still have a social life so he’s not wrong about that.

But he clearly hates you, as no-one would call someone they love, or even like, boring. So it’s over. What you going to do?

Eh? Who are these men sending you poetry every night in desperation to take you out. How odd!

So we do try and go out just is once a month for dinner. We have limited family to support bit do try when we can

He says its boring we don't do a lot st the weekends and the kids don't see their friends every weekend. I didn't think thay was abnormal at this age

He said that I could message the wives of his football mates more and try and be more social and arrange for us all to get together and no one messages me because i'm boring

This. The sudden contempt is a massive red flag.

Oh and I should take a look at myself and see what a mess I am as all i have is the children and work

Me ✋ I've had poetry and drawings given to me - admittedly it was the 90's , I was young and it was before the apps 🤭.

Wow he's so unkind.

It does sound like you've lost yourself a bit though - no thanks to him. Maybe time to start prioritising yourself.

football and the pub, you say? that sounds abolutely fascinating..

Yep

Did you want me to share names and phone numbers?
All I am saying that men can and do do better when the standard is set. And I am not here to provide emotional scaffolding for someone who can't be arsed to even verbalise his issue respectfully, let alone do anything to fix it.
Saying to someone "I made a mistake marrying a boring woman" does not class as "opening up" about lack of connection and time together. Suggesting that the OP has to unilaterally do something to help her husband feel better is completely alien to me.

Yeah, I didn’t say any of those things. I just wasn’t sure what some odd men sending poetry to you had to do with the price of fish. Are you some kind of siren?

What it has to do with a price of fish is the fact that there are men out there capable of making effort. No, not a siren. As I said, a "garden variety 40+ year old".
The poster I was replying to suggested that the OP should strive to fix her relationship after her husband "opened up" to her about their supposed lack of time together. I disagree. I think the bar couldn't be any lower for this man already. Anyone who says to me I am a boring mess is better sit down so I can see the next man standing behind him.