New boyfriend snapped at me

[Snappyg666]

Could do with your opinion. FWIW I am happy to be told AIBU. Im just trying to make sure I dont ignore anything important.

I was driving down the motorway with my boyfriend of 3 months. He was driving and I was supposed to be giving directions. We were talking and then he asked whether he should be taking the exit and I kind of hesitated for a few seconds as wasn't sure abd then said yes. He tutted and said for fucks sake and then quickly switched lames to exit

Now totally get why that would be irritating 😅 Its just that I was with my ex for 10 years and for all his faults, I dont think we ever snapped at each other once. We had massive bust ups about the big questions but irritating things like this we were both very generous with each other so im not sure what's normal. But I felt like a child being reprimanded and felt like saying "jesus get over it"

Wondering if where ever they were doesn't have as good coverage for signal as here, as they said they weren't in the UK.

This

Complete bollocks and terrible analogy. OP is a new girlfriend not his employee.

It's my post they quoted and it was in response to someone who asked whether I'd expect to be called incompetent if I'd made as many mistakes in my job as OP had in her role as navigator. And why I would think that and what I'd have done differently.

I didn't start the comparison to a job, but the post makes sense if you read the whole quote history.

I really can't stand it when people say they will direct me because this is par for the course, they are always late at least once with their instructions about when to turn etc . I always use a sat nav and/or map and rely on myself to get somewhere and just generally refuse this situation unless it is a very short drive

The other thing is that you said you would not do this as you would not want to make someone feel bad. I can only tell you that I do this sort of thing and it is primarily because I am thinking about myself and not thinking about someone else, so it is in effect quite selfish. However it is also pretty human to not think of others much when you are feeling very emotional. I'd say you are much more empathetic than the norm if you always prioritise other's feelings over your own negative ones. Many many people, particularly men, but also women (ie me) do sometimes express themselves verbally when annoyed or irritated without a lot of thought for how others might feel about that vocalisation.

It does not make him abusive but it might make him not right for you if you find it upsetting. He is a new boyfriend but if has a tendency to express his (often reasonable) irritation in a verbal way and you don't like that and it upsets you, please do remember that he might be able to do it a bit less but he is unlikley to completely change for you. Some feel feel more irritated than others do, they can't help a lot of that and he may find it hard to always hide that from you

I personally prefer to know if someone is irrittated than have them hide it from me because I might get upset but that is me. You are entitled to have what you want/need in a partner. Remember that

I've learned something new today. I have never in my 50+ years heard anyone refer to someone as their partner unless they were in a long term relationship (and in fact, usually living together, possibly sharing kids).

It's quite common, especially amongst those of us 40+ because calling someone generally our age or older a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' is infantilising. So partner gets used instead.

Yeah mid 50s here I dont live with my partner but we have been in a 10 year relationship. Not unusual

Well, yeah, that's my point. You've been in a 10 year relationship so partner seems to me to be the perfect descriptor. Did you call him your partner after 3 months?

I'm in my 50's. If any of my friends are dating someone exclusively but they haven't yet moved to a more committed relationship they absolutely would call them their boyfriend! Maybe it's a regional thing. I'm in the US. I don't think I actually know anyone who has a partner. I know people who have husbands/wives/fiancés/fiancées/boyfriends and girlfriends, but I can't think of anyone else I know who describes their romantic interest in any other way.

Cant remeber tbh. But he was 57 then so boyfriend seems a bit teenagerish

Yep, I'm 47 this month and it's really common within my friendship groups.

Yeah maybe it's a cultural difference - I'm in the UK and I remember my dad calling his 'girlfriend' his partner which would have been about 30 years ago now.

Tbh also this. I've dumped guys before simply because after a month or so I still felt I was getting the 'brand image' rather than the real version of them. If you aren't prepared to let me see who you are then I'm not interested in wasting my time waiting... that would give me the ick faster than a frustrated fuck sake in fair circumstances.

I'm realizing it must be a cultural thing. Boyfriend to me doesn't sound at all teenagerish and could apply to a man of any age. My now husband was my boyfriend when he was in his 40's, then he became my fiancé and now of course he's my husband.

I think you got off lightly. My DH is useless at directions, drives me insane.