New boyfriend snapped at me

[Snappyg666]

Could do with your opinion. FWIW I am happy to be told AIBU. Im just trying to make sure I dont ignore anything important.

I was driving down the motorway with my boyfriend of 3 months. He was driving and I was supposed to be giving directions. We were talking and then he asked whether he should be taking the exit and I kind of hesitated for a few seconds as wasn't sure abd then said yes. He tutted and said for fucks sake and then quickly switched lames to exit

Now totally get why that would be irritating 😅 Its just that I was with my ex for 10 years and for all his faults, I dont think we ever snapped at each other once. We had massive bust ups about the big questions but irritating things like this we were both very generous with each other so im not sure what's normal. But I felt like a child being reprimanded and felt like saying "jesus get over it"

Thank fuck I live in a place with excellent public transport..
You can always leave

Not helpfulI I know.

Do you think so?
Ach well, Sis here sounds like a right little princess herself, so I guess they are doomed in one way or another!

Not cool. That is firmly yellow card territory for me,

You sound like an incredibly bad, annoying and dangerous co-pilot. And oblivious!

You call women stupid and incompetent for making a couple of navigational mistakes on a 12 hour journey with a laggy Google Maps app? What the fuck is wrong with you?

The misogyny on this thread is crazy.

Op was paying attention, the app wasn’t clear and was lagging. It is not easy to navigate for 12 hours without an occasional error. Bet you would be singing a different tune if it was you or your son or daughter doing the navigating.

I'm aware, as I have one. But just because they exist doesn't mean everyone has one. It's not a red flag to not have a phone holder in your car.

Personally I’d have been apologising for your part in this which led to the ffs. He drove 12 hours when you could have supported with that and you made two mistakes close together with directions.

one that cost half an hour on a 12 hour drive and another that could have cost just as long.

He could start his own thread here ‘AIBU that she only had one job….’

That wasn't me, but honestly she was incompetent at navigating here. I don't see how that translates to misogyny, as I, and likely the other poster, would have said the same if the roles were reversed and a man had made the same mistakes costing an extra hour of travel time on an already long journey.

People make mistakes and people get annoyed by that. Both are normal and fine things as long as it's just mild annoyance like it sounds.

Why shouldn't he be allowed to express irritation? It's an emotion after all. We're always talking about how men don't express emotion enough, then when one shows he's annoyed and apologises for it, we're supposed to say that's wrong? But not mention that a woman made several mistakes because misogyny?

Dh wouldn’t snap in that situation - he’s a joy to live with.
I totally would. I have a more volatile personality and I have to work a bit harder in our relationship to compensate for my flaws.
My df was a snapper too, and not a joy to live with.

@Snappyg666 If you’d rather make a life with a person who doesn’t snap in situations like that, you’re not unreasonable to want that for yourself. Before I met dh I didn’t know people could be so well emotionally regulated because I’d never seen it. I assumed that provocation and reaction were proportional. I’d never experienced someone who could be pissed off and choose to let it go.

A friend of mine once sent me several miles in the wrong direction during what should have been a simple run out to the shops. We ended up on the motorway heading to a completely different city.

He’d been driving for 12 hours. It’s not the same.

The misogyny on this thread is crazy.

It's not misogyny, it's just not everyone rushing to agree with the OP and immediately say LTB for a change.

I almost never sympathise or agree with the men on threads like this. But in this instance the poor guy really hasn't done anything wrong.

I agree.

I am merely looking at this from a frustrated driver and incompetent navigator point of view, regardless of which sex either of them are.

I don’t think the relationship is going to work out.

I was responding to a poster who described what her behaviour would be in the same circumstance. I.e. she would get angry and throw a tantrum. Maybe you should try reading before responding? It might help.

Well if he can't keep his sense of humour when he drives a long way, he shouldn't have committed to such a long drive all in one go. We all have to be responsible for ourselves and understand our limits.

Luckily my kids are able to cope with a person muttering for FFS (especially when it's not even aimed at them) because I didn't bring them up to be incredibly sensitive.
i just can't believe someone swearing under their breath about a situation is such a big deal to so many.
I know people on here like to criticise men but this is getting ridiculous.

I couldn't live with anyone who's that sensitive to a muttered "FFS" about an objectively annoying situation. There's a huge difference between muttering FFS when your partner has done something annoying versus a pattern of berating, disdaining and making them feel small (ie abuse) and it's absurd to equate the two.

I've read all the "things your husband does to annoy you" threads and I would bet large sums of money that the majority of MN users have said FFS (or worse) to husbands who haven't bothered to take the laundry out of the washing machine or failed to load the dishwasher or whatever. I myself say FFS to DP at least weekly when he fails to screw lids on things properly. He says FFS to me weekly about my chaotic messiness. It's fine! It's no more cutting than a sigh or a roll of the eyes. When you live with someone you can thread the needle of expressing your annoyance when they're doing that annoying thing they do, but also letting it slide. "FFS" is perfect for that.

People are different. I don't like being sworn at, whether that's muttered or yelled. I don't swear at people as a general rule, and even when they have made an annoying mistake, I consider it a personal failure if I can't have patience and a sense of humour about it. I try to treat others as I would like to be treated.

That's not to say others are wrong or bad if they don't mind swearing and tutting at one another. But it isn't how I like to conduct myself or to be treated, and it sounds like OP also prefers not to be treated in that way.

Having said that, I think all the posts telling OP she deserved worse treatment, that she's incompetent and stupid and lazy, that she's a 'princess' and overly sensitive, all from people who describe swearing and tutting at each other as a perfectly acceptable part of life, are very telling! Funny how you think nothing of swearing and tutting at your loved ones, and also nothing of namecalling strangers online.

Driving is tiring and when the passenger has said they are in charge of directions you need to trust that they are and not have to ask at every junction if you’re coming off. Last minute changes on a motorway is dangerous.
Mild irritation sounds very reasonable to me, plus he apologised

What's her gender got to do with it? If it was a man he would still get a telling off for adding 30 minutes to a journey a woman was driving. What an odd way of thinking

Having said that, I think all the posts telling OP she deserved worse treatment, that she's incompetent and stupid and lazy, that she's a 'princess' and overly sensitive, all from people who describe swearing and tutting at each other as a perfectly acceptable part of life, are very telling! Funny how you think nothing of swearing and tutting at your loved ones, and also nothing of namecalling strangers online.

Exactly, well said. I wonder how many of these perfect people have given navigation directions for 12 hours.

But when your adult kids can't continuously give you perfect directions for 12 hours with a laggy app, will you be 'for fuck's sake-ing' them? Or will you be treating them with more kindness?

Apologies. I misread your post.