I have refused to let DSS here every weekend

[ImthedriverSo]

AIBU - looking for thoughts.

DH has 2 ds ages 8 and 10

For years he’s had the system with ex we have them every other weekend fri aft school and drop them to school on the Monday (well I pick up and drop off as dh doesn’t drive it’s an hour each way!)

This is mutual agreement not a court order.

His ex now wants to change that we have them separately - one each weekend and for me to pick up early sat and drop back Sunday morning.

I’ve said no I won’t facilitate. so dh has said no and she is saying no contact then! It has been left in a sour way as he told her no negotiations just that we will get a court order to stick to what we’ve always done.

We like to have more time with them . They like to do the same things - together.
Plus we love our childfree time too. But now dh very down as this weekend we were meant to have them .

AIBU to have said I won’t facilitate this ? It seems a big step back. Less time for them with dh too of its weekly how she wants ???

SC aren’t OP’s children though. Why should she work all week then spend both of her weekend days parenting and driving around, to suit her partner’s ex?

OP I’m guessing her life is shit at the moment and that’s why she’s trying to start fights with you…

Can I point out, OP isn’t going to tell us how well her dp parents.

Maybe the ex is exasperated because after a weekend of dad dedicating his time to them, they come back to her hyper and badly behaved. Perhaps exthinks if he has one at a time they might settle back into routine more easily again. I could be completely wrong of course, but that would be one reason why she thinks he should only see one dc at a time.

I know. I can't believe the sympathy here for this pathetic excuse of a father.

She's askung for something ridiculous that benefits no one least of all the children.
Makes no sense financially either In regards to double the trips .
Leave her be and tell she to try and stay in contact via other means until court is sorted .....
If it gets that far .

You need a court order.

Your DH can't drive for medical reasons but she still expects him to do all the running around despite the fact she chose to move away.

She refuses extra contact in the holidays and what she's proposing with weekends seems bonkers on the face of it.

£500 a month maintenance sounds plenty unless your DH is making loads of money. Can't believe people are saying it's not. I think people forget that dad doesn't have to pay for everything, the boys have a mother too

Not quite sure why so many posters are giving you a hard time

Because she married a man with dc. It’s always a risk dc will be with you more; mum might die, tricky ten years with boots, ds both decide they want to live with dad.

Im not saying that’s fair, but it’s what you accept when you marry a man with dc.

🙄

Several reasons but the main one is because he has never had them for longer than a few days, so going from that to 10 days would be a big jump for them.

He wouldn’t want to have them for that long anyway so it’s never come up.

Utterly ridiculous from her, my sd mum tried this, wanted us to have every single Friday to early Sunday morning. We went to court in the end and got eow.
I long suspected it was to stop us having any sort of life and the judges right through it

So you would restrict your own children happiness of a holiday, just because you will miss them.

How utterly selfish, and bad parenting

Seems to me a court order should have been in place ages ago -then they might live nearer

Legal advice, now.

Posters are giving her a hard time because she’s a step mum, and some people here really relish kicking step mums

As has been mentioned her suggestion means that the boys will spend every weekend apart, which you say they won't want. It sounds the worst possible set up for them and their well-being.

YANBU, keep saying no. I would point out to her that if it's necessary to go to court to agree an arrangement she would be highly unlikely to get this put in place, and hopefully she'll back down.

Some of the comments here are really funny. The set up you currently have has worked well up till now? You would both like to see them more during the holidays? £500 a month is a reasonable amount to be paying child maintenance, not sure why someone is saying it’s not enough (my ex pays £200 a month for 2 dc and he see’s one of them for 6 hours a week).

OP, take this to court, your dh will likely be granted every other weekend and one evening during the week (after school), it’s also likely he will be granted half of the holidays, this may mean he needs to sort childcare if he can’t get leave from work.

OP doesn't have to spend weekends with the SC.

The dad should though. EOW is shit.

She demonised herself for withholding contact.

I wouldn’t want to drive two hour round trips twice a weekend in her shoes

She chose to move away, she chose the consequences. It really is that simple. How much time she spends with them is immaterial - she is not owed anything. If she wants to change the schedule they must agree that together, not at her dictation.

it’s HIS responsibility to figure out how to see his kids

It's her equal responsibility, not just his, to ensure the kids' best interests are met and they see both parents.

Their dad can’t spend any time with his kids because his ex chose to move an hour away, knowing he doesn’t drive!

If Mum would like 1:1 time she could facilitate this by collecting one of the boys from Dad's house on a Sunday morning every other weekend.

Better still, ask the children what they'd like to do.

No matter the circumstances, the children shouldn't be used as a pawn for any parent to get their own way.

A court order sounds like the best option after reading your responses.

Why didn’t he go to court when she was moving away as he can’t drive? What would happen if you weren’t in the picture?

Haha. You have no idea what the circumstances are nor the struggles my children have. I haven’t gone into it here because it’s not relevant to the thread.

All those saying a court order will solve the problem are in cloud cuckoo land.

My hubbys ex moved over 250 miles away with his son. We travelled every weekend to see him. She met a new man so decided she would not allow dad contact as she wanted new man to take place of dad.

He had to go to court to get a court order, you have to go through all the Caffcass stuff and the result was that he was given contact one day a week. We had to do the travelling, the fact that mum had moved away meant nothing. However, even with a court order we would still get the 'Not this week, he has a birthday party to go to' 'Not this week, he has a cold' Not this week he has a friend staying over. etc etc and there is nothing at all you can do about it.
We even had times when we would travel over 200 miles only to get a phone call saying 'I meant to ring you to let you know not to come this week'.
Then when they hit high school their mates become more important than spending all day Saturday trailing round town/swimming/bowling/cinema with dad.

The non resident parent is screwed all round.

Every other weekend isn’t very much.

Shame a lot of mums think it’s too much.

I am sorry to hear that, and hope things are well now 👍

Your right it isnt relevent on this thread, but why say you wouldnt let ex have kids for 10 days. That relevent for this thread