DH has really upset me! AIBU??

[CustartWithMustard]

I will begin by admitting I have some sort of OCD. I’m not the cleanest, tidiest person in the world, but it revolves around food hygiene and hygiene in the kitchen. When I was a child, I’d struggle to eat food if I’d seen someone touch it.

As an adult, it does affect me, but in different ways. When we go to stay with friends and family, I have to actively avoid watching them make the food because when I’m there, I notice everything, and I have seen some disgusting things over the years that I think other people just aren’t picking up on, but I’m hyper aware. For instance, people licking their fingers whilst preparing food, sweating, tasting their cooking and putting the spoon back in, even someone’s dogs licking the dishes as they load them in the dish washer… actually being allowed to!!!!

Anyway, I struggle watching DH in the kitchen, which I appreciate isn’t nice for him. He is cleaner than many people, but will sometimes put something in the bin, touching the bin lid and then go straight over to handle the food. Maybe others are okay with this, but it grosses me out.

Tonight, DH was in the kitchen whilst I unloaded the dishwasher. He said he was going to help me, I said, “I’ll just unload the dishes because you’ve just touched the bin.” I appreciate I must sound like a lunatic by now, but anyway, DH got really annoyed and was speaking to me in a really angry way in front of the kids who are 12 and 11. I asked him to please stop but he kept going. DD’s were already leaving the room when it started but they left and he continued on at me saying “stop being a total psychopath!!!”

I know I’m totally flawed and at fault, but I’ve been having trouble with the way my DD’s talk to me, and I really wanted him to stop because in my opinion, this just gives the the green light to speak to me badly!

Ive finished up with the dishwasher and have comes upstairs to bed. I’ve had such a hard day with the girls and now this. I know you’ll all probably say it’s me, but I’m just so sad and feel alone, I’m willing to take the risk of getting totally flamed, just to offload.

I doubt that someone with a genuine diagnosis would express their condition in such a vague, nebulous way.

She might not be officially diagnosed and people like to gatekeep OCD so she's saying she probably has it but hasn't got an official diagnosis. I'm the same. A lot of people don't realise how badly it's affecting their life enough to go to the doctors-and it's not an easy place to go if you're worried about hygiene either. Not everyone gets diagnosed, doesn't mean they're not still suffering with it. I'd 100% be diagnosed with it if I went to the doctors, I just don't feel the need to.

Been there, done that, got the OCD and the CBT t shirt. You need to get help, I imagine you are a nightmare to live with. OCD is such a sneaky little fecker, it will minimise how bad it seems to you and gradually take over more of your life and thoughts.

You are not being unreasonable. I was prepared you to be extreme, and you may be, but the things you mentioned are common food handling no-no's and just gross. My rationale is, if it's something that would get a restaurant shut down, it shouldn't be done at home either.

I agree you should invest in a no-touch trash can, but why can't your husband wash his frickin hands. Does he not understand that trash cans harbor bacteria and that will transfer to whatever he touches, potentially making you or your kids sick? I don't think you have unreasonable issues, but you do have a husband with anger management issues. He's get unnecessarily upset and is disrespectful, he's teaching your kids to be the same way. He needs to get himself under control and you need to set that boundary for how he talks to you and insist he gets help.