Lodger concerns

[Hockorydickerydock]

My lodger is having a hernia operation and there no sign of any family support

I work full time and don’t have time to be caring for my tenant who pays me rent, and for me it over steps the mark - he should be having family to help care for him or - or going to stay at family members where he can be helped and supported!

AIBU - to expect him To sort this out ?
AINBU - to leave him to it- as I be out working 8am to 6pm and have enough going on!
I feel like he expect me to sort his dinner and so on! Yet we don’t have any conversations or socialise - he rents a room games cooks and goes to work?

It’s a hernia op. I had a whole baby cut out of me and I was getting out of bed on my own, using a microwave and all sorts. He’s having a tiny op. Stop panicking!

I had a Hernia op about 4 months ago. I was up and about very quickly and was able to manage to make dinners and look after 4 kids the following day. As long as he takes it easy he shouldn’t need someone to look after him.
I cooked a full roast dinner 4 days after as I fancied it lol

WTF! He's a grown man! He can batch cook some meals for the freezer and totter to the microwave when hungry! After all he's going to be walking to the loo - or does he think you'll be emptying a commode for him? 😂

You're not going to be there anyway so just don't get involved.

If he doesn't have anyone to pick him up he will need to tell the hospital and they can keep him overnight.

He's 40 years old - I'm sure he can work out how to buy some ready meals and snacks in preparation.

Perhaps he can just drink some of the milk of human kindness that’s positively overflowing on this thread..

Why are you having conversations with his mum? Is he underage? If not I definitely wouldn’t be discussing his business with his family. He is entitled to his privacy as a rent-paying adult. unless they’re all family friends of yours which I guess would make it different.

re the actual question, yes I probably would look after him a bit but not because I felt I had to.

Does he not know his mum or dad’s phone numbers? Why are you calling them and speaking to them? I’m all for helping people, but they all expect you to be treating him as well as you would treat your husband?!

He’s 40? He can sort himself out. He’s not your responsibility, or his mum’s for that matter.

Why doesn’t he ring the step dad..

He’ll have to be honest with the hospital and they’ll probably keep him in or send him home with home visits from the nurse.

I didn’t vote as your AIBU choices don’t make sense.

his own mother doesn’t want to look after him. Why the hell should you?

all this crap about him expecting you to make his dinner? That’s nothing to do with you!

Would he ask a male landlord to cook for him?

I’d ask him to leave. Before he has surgery. The problem (him) goes away.

he sounds ghastly. I’d get a female lodger who wasn’t such an arse in future.

It's not your responsibility to provide domestic labour to him because his family are unavailable.

You are unavailable too.

Don't be so dramatic. How's he going to use the loo while OP is out at work all day? If he can walk to the loo he can walk to the kitchen.

He is 40 and you not his mum. Honestly just continue as normal

This make it clear in writing he can NOT stay without someone looking after him and if he can not organise this - you are giving him notice that he needs to leave.

So there you go. It’s sorted and it’s on him to figure it out. Why are you freaking out about this?

???

Can’t he stay at his family’s after the op and as a gesture of good will you give a rent rebate for those days @Hockorydickerydock ?

deleting as I missed one of your posts.

He told Op it would be good if she could prepare his food for him.

Edit - Ah, you've spotted that post!

Remind him there's deliveroo/just eat etc which should do for a couple of days. The Internet will let you know his treatment path, maybe he can stay in hospital a day or two longer?

With respect OP, You're overstepping boundaries of a landlady, step back and let him adult, you've decided you cant help him,

What does he need in terms of support? Other than the hernia is he physically able?

My aunties lodger (aged around 27) had a hernia operation and think he was off work for a week or so. But didn't need any 'support'. He could walk to and from bathroom and kitchen and feed/clean himself.

If he does need it he must instigate friends or family off his own bat. Or ask the hospital. If the hospital ask you if you do any care just say no. I'm just landlady and I'm never in.

Its never a good start to give reasons. All the OP needs to say is No I will not do that.

At the risk of seeming a hard faced cow but given your schedule …

Stay right out of it. Dont discuss. Keep your head down. You clearly have enough on your plate. I’m amazed at your schedule which sounds tiring.

It’s not your circus.

You might heat him a ready meal at a push I suppose when he first comes home but I’d be straight with him and ask him to explore alternatives.

He’s a grown man FFS.

A woman would be exploring and planning help. Surely hes got a friend who could visit (if you allow) and bring food? Or go to a mate?

Jeepers, this would put me off having lodgers. It’s an extension I’d never have thought of.