Lodger concerns

[Hockorydickerydock]

My lodger is having a hernia operation and there no sign of any family support

I work full time and don’t have time to be caring for my tenant who pays me rent, and for me it over steps the mark - he should be having family to help care for him or - or going to stay at family members where he can be helped and supported!

AIBU - to expect him To sort this out ?
AINBU - to leave him to it- as I be out working 8am to 6pm and have enough going on!
I feel like he expect me to sort his dinner and so on! Yet we don’t have any conversations or socialise - he rents a room games cooks and goes to work?

Be nice. Please.

I was up and moving and eating and doing everything I needed to within 5 hours of waking up from an emergency open appendectomy 😂 He will be fine to walk to a microwave and heat food, go to the toilet alone etc.

If he says he’s not he’s lying.

Jesus christ

He will work it out.

Leave him to it and dont offer help or food.

He can buy in ready meals ahead of time.

I had 2 x c sections and a baby and never needed anyone to take me to the toilet or help me out of bed.

The idea you want to message a 40 yr old man's mum?!?! Good grief.
Go about your business and leave him to it

he pays rent and once month we share a roast

See, this is where it's odd as you stated that you had nothing much to do with him so why would he expect you to do some meals for him? What does 'we share a roast ' mean? You sit down to eat together, he eats the leftovers or what?
Maybe you have unintentionally blurred the lines.

I’ve had a dozen keyhole surgeries and have never needed help to get out of bed or make a sandwich / nuke something in the microwave. Even last year when I had to be cut from chest to Mary for an extensive hysterectomy I didn’t need anyone to help me to the extent you are imagining - DH filled my water bottle for me and made supper but that was mainly for his benefit , I wouldn’t have starved if he wasn’t there after work

You are massively making something out of nothing here.

Just carry on with your life as usual; it’s up to him how he solves this.

Hopefully the hospital will arrange carers, nurse visit for him but the problem if he's bedridden to also arrange a keysafe whether OP will agree to it.

I know you want to keep things business like, and thats probably for the best but I'd struggle with it!
If it were me, I wouldn't take time off work and he would need to sort that. But, I would microwave him a ready meal (that he had bought or prepared himself) on the day so he could rest. Especially as you have been known to share a roast with him before, thats not eroding too much of a boundary. But if he becomes unwell while recovering he can call 111 and tell them, they can send an ambulance if required.

Yes, it is so easy to be in the position where there's no one to help. How many people here actually have someone who could/would take time off work to collect them from hospital, if they don't have a partner?

The lodger shouldn't need any care as such, and if he expects to have meals cooked that's cheeky of him.

But as others have said, you are expected to have someone with you for 24 hours after a general anaesthetic. A friend of mine was kept in overnight as he couldn't arrange this. I was almost denied the operation when it looked like I couldn't!

I wonder how many women would ask their male landlords to cook for them if they had surgery...

He's very unlikely to need much support after a hernia op, I know several people who had them, including an 80 year old, and they all got on fine on their own.

You have no legal or moral obligation to do anything more than you are offering now.

But I’d offer to do something, like make a sandwich for him to have at lunch. I’d feel sorry for someone who has no one to help.

What his mom says is none of your business. Butt out.

Address your boundaries, even more so if utrain counsellors

?

Hahahaha, when you think woman routinely give birth to babies, perhaps have to have major reconstructive surgery, or a c section, then be responsible for themselves and a new born within hours. Blooming man baby, don’t pander to him at all. If he has no-one to collect him from hospital, then that’s on him to organise with the hospital. Once back home, I’m sure he’ll manage.

He needs to tell them he lives alone and has nobody who can help him at all. I don't think they'll discharge him under those circumstances.

His own parents have washed his their hands of looking after a 40 year old man child. Now he's picked you to help him.

It needs to stop right now OP. This is not your problem.

For starters he could be doing meal and recovery prep now! He can tell the hospital he has noone to pick him up and stay in hospital overnight.
Then with all his meal prep done, and biting a few pickers doesn't things on the floor, he won't need your help. I would be putting in very firm boundaries here right now.

Perhaps he could make an arrangement with the dog walker!

Just life your life as normal and leave him to get on with it. You have zero responsibility in this situation.

I have had a hernia op, for the first few hours after the op I had to call nurse to get assistance to get out of bed for a pee, I had been discharged after 4 hours.

They are quite insistent that someone responsible collects you from hospital and stays with you overnight in case of any issues after general anaesthetic. my brother collected me and once I was home he went home. I live on my own and following day just rested and did meals as normal.

the advice from surgeon is to be up and about a day or so after the op, no lifting anything heavy and to get out for short walks. No driving for 4 weeks!

I was out and about day 2, walking about a mile to the local co op for stuff every day.

OP should not be playing 'Nurse' and the lodger should just get on with it!!

He will be fine. I had to come home and straight into caring for 3 kids after my open appendix surgery (ruptured and gone gangerous) including a 20 month old. I also had to get my own lunch and be alone all day after a major pancreas surgery (was in hospital first 3wks but had major complications and could barely walk when I got home). I managed. Yes it would have been nice to have someone and the latter my mum offered to come down (all my family are 4hrs away) but then i’d have had to be visitor standard and I just wanted to sleep and lie on the sofa).

If you're out of the house that long why do you have dogs? That's no life for them.you never see them.

You sound a bit hysterical over this OP. It’s a simple op, he’s a grown man, he’ll be fine. Just leave him to it and calm down.

You're getting a hard time from some posters OP. You have a very full on schedule and no way you should have to alter your days to look after a lodger. His own DM isn't prepared to do so.

If the hospital won't release without someone collecting then he'll need to stay in overnight. If he then needs ongoing care for a few days he'll have to look into convalescent care homes. Tell him to stock up on some microwave meals for his first days at home if he's unable to do meal prep for himself.

I wondered this. Seems op is as sympathetic to the needs of dogs as she is to the needs of her lodger!

When I had my hernia op I didn’t need any help other than DD changed my bed for a couple of weeks so that it didn’t put a strain on my stitches. It’s a minor op, which needs no one in a carer role.