Friends villa issue

[Foodieasfuck]

My friend has asked for my opinion and I’m struggling to advise.
She and her husband own a villa in the Canary Islands. Her husband bought it when he retired 5 years ago. They have been together 30 years and each of them has adult children (of their own).

They use the villa all the time and love the flexibility of being able to go whenever it suits them so they decided not to rent it out. It is a home from home with all their personal belongings in it.

They gifted each of their adult children 1 week each there per year for free, which works well usually. Sometimes their ‘kids’ also join them when they are there but they each have a week ring fenced so that they can use it too with their own families.

She has just found out that 1 of her husbands kids didn’t actually go himself last year. He let his mate and his family use it instead (without telling them). She has since found out that he charged them for the privilege!

My friend feels that the son’s 1 week per year allocation should be withdrawn because he can’t be trusted. Her husband thinks (to save any agro) they should just stop them all using it as “it was becoming a pain anyway”. It’s causing all sorts of issues between them and they’ve gone from quite a peaceful couple to being ‘at war”.
It’s a bit of a lose/lose situation!
I’m struggling to advise her.

Whilst I agree with her that the son shouldn’t be trusted again, I can see that singling him out will continue to cause issues with her husband.

not really an Aibu more of a what would you do?
YABU = stop son using it
YANBU = stop them all using it

All seem a bit dramatic I’d just tell the son and if he does it again then he can’t use it again

i think banning him will just move the problem rather than addressing it
because would they also be banned when the entire family stay

curious though how your friends get round the 90 day rule about how long you can stay

OP your son is an arse and should be singled out

The son is an idiot. It’s a big betrayal of trust and he made money out of his own parents so deserves the ban.

The husband is being a Disney dad by suggesting they ban everyone. Is his son the golden child?

Surely the main issue is that the husband's son betrayed their trust. He could have asked if it was OK for someone else to stay but presumably he knew it wouldn't be - and he wanted the money. I think it's right that he should at least forfeit one year - with the warning that if it happened again he wouldn't be able to use it at all.

I don't see why the other "children" should lose out because of this one son's dishonest and greedy behaviour.

Ironic really that something which most people could not afford but would really enjoy has caused so much upset.

For me, the problem isn’t so much that friends used it instead of the dc, but that the dc were profiteering out if it. I’m sure if they’d asked if their friends could use it instead of them, there wouldn’t be a problem.

How low can ppl go renting out their parents villa without them knowing.

OP's step son should lose his privilege AND give his dad the money. The nerve. 😡
Oh, and bloody apologize

Ah come on. This is their HOME. Not a rental property. There is a huge issue with letitng it out to strangers.

I’d just tell rhe son he’s not to do it again ?

To be clear, it’s not my son. It’s my friends stepson…
Ive arranged to speak to her tomorrow.

Absolutely disgraceful. It was my first thought too.

OP I agree you tell him it must never happen again, that he owes you whatever money he was paid, and definitely get a ring doorbell.

There's always someone who takes advantage and causes bad feeling.

If nothing else, the husband needs to ask the son for the rental money he received. That'll stop him from doing it again. What a CF.

They should just tell him it's not ok to do what he did, they're disappointed about that, and to not do it again. No need to make a major drama out of it.

What a nice probably to have lol 😆

This is weird. Why are you ‘struggling to advise’ ? Why are you the arbiter of this family issue?

She should demand that stepson coughs up 80 - 90% of the rent he trousered.

Your husband just doesn't have the courage to call the one son out on his bad behavior. I would be livid to have someone rent out MY house to strangers (to you). Might I ask how you found out?

Def stop son using it, don’t punish all the kids for his stupidity and greed.
Husband is being a coward, wanting to stop it for everyone instead of facing up to his own son.

100% is fair

Its their personal/second home or a rental, with personal belongings, it seems like its a huge problem regardless if they’d ask or not

Neither. Tell him they know and that he’s taking the piss, especially as he made money out of it. They don’t want him doing it and if he does it again then he can’t use it 🤷🏻‍♀️
Why has it been causing issues with the other kids?

My husband says he should hand the money he made over to his dad on the proviso it doesn’t happen again.
It’s not fair to penalise the others, you can’t gift the week then take it back when they’ve done nothing wrong. This will also cause problems amongst the siblings as they will blame the brother 😣

It may depend on how the offer was originally made. Was it " you have a week at the cottage, all for you, you can do whatever you want with it" (so he thought it was his for a week, like renting out a time share to someone else) or " you can stay there by yourself for a week, but we're not renting it out" (so no transfer to anyone else)? Everyone knows someone who has minimal common sense and never gets anything, no matter how obvious, unless it is spelled out. If the sneaky or stupid son was like this, sit down with All the kids and spell everything out. That may mitigate problems with the husband, and alert the other kids about what is going on too. They may be able to keep idiot boy in line.

How about

It's our villa and we said you could stay there without us once a year. It's not yours to rent out. Don't take the piss or you won't be staying here at all.

Gets the point across without all of the unnecessary words.

i would tell the son he couldn’t visit unless the parents were there as a consequence of his actions. Going forwards, if the parents want the whole time for their own use (not unreasonable) I would tell all of the children that this year was the last year they could visit on their own as parents would now be using more frequently. They could of course caveat that the children could always ask at short notice. We have a holiday home in France and we are very happy to allow our children to use it to suit their holiday plans with a bit of notice as we are very aware that if they can’t use it then they don’t get a holiday due to costs. If we’re there for some reason and there’s a clash, we would book a hotel/bnb nearby and stay there but of course be available for baby sitting. 😁