Would you find this invitation cheeky?

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Just looking for opinions

i have a friend who has a birthday coming up in feb. to celebrate, she wants to hire a private dining room and have a dinner with friends.

after running through some options, she’s found the minimum spend for the place is £1500. She’s not sure who she wants to invite yet, as in hasn’t confirmed numbers. She’s sent a message to those already on the list (including me) saying:

“Hi guys

I’d love if you could join me in celebrating my birthday on 14th Feb 26. We will be going to X at 8:30pm for a fun night of food and drinks then on to X for cocktails.

The pricing is looking to be around £170 per person to meet minimum spend at restaurant. Obviously this is going to vary depending on numbers on the night.

I need to put a deposit down of £750 to secure the date so would appreciate if you could confirm and transfer your share which I will then deduct at the time.

cant wait!”

now a few things..

1. I’m happy to go but somethings not sitting right with me
2. Surely she should foot the deposit then be reimbursed by attendees?
3. All attending aren’t friends so I imagine the price per head will vary wildly based on what drinks are being ordered (we’re usually a split equally amongst the group type of friendship)
4. If people drop out (likely) the price is going to go up even further. I get that this is the norm however due to the already variable cost it could basically end up 3-4 people footing a £1500 tab?

do you think it’s a little cheeky? How would you approach this? I don’t want to decline the invite but I do want to make clear I don’t want to have to consider further costs. It’s also worth noting that this restaurant is about 2 hours away in another city so will be factoring in travel and hotel probably as well

Utterly ridiculous.

It's not a party. It's an expensive, ticketed 'audience with XXXXX at posh location'.

I would not even reply and if they chased me I would tell them why.

Jesus Christ, that’s such a lot of money to ask friends to lay out for a birthday dinner!! I genuinely could not afford that out of my monthly budget…I have a weekly food budget of £40 (and am really struggling on this to be honest!)

Obviously, it’s all relative, so if money is not an issue, you may find this reasonable. But on the whole, for most people, I’d assume that this would be out of their financial reach 🤷‍♀️🤯

It doesn't matter what she wants, or what you want for that matter. If you are declaring bankruptcy you don't have any funds to spend on a birthday event for a friend or for yourself .Perfect reason for declining I'd think.
" Sorry X but I'm about to declare bankruptcy so won't be able to attend. Perhaps we can meet for a ( cheap) coffee when things are more settled".

As many others said, it's not about whether you can afford it - that's irrelevant.

It's that I would not choose to spend that amount of money on someone who seems to have an ego the size of the moon.

Ok for those asking-

in the past yes I would have 100% paid this with no qualms. Being the idiot I am I’d have offered to cover the whole minimum spend. I was in the position to and I have DEFINITELY got used previously.

ive been on nights out with this friend where me and another friend have paid 3k (don’t, I wince!!!) MINUS A TIP for a table in a London nightclub and subbed this birthday girl(so I’ve paid 1500 and my friend paid 1500) who contributed nothing which we were fine with as it was our idea and we didn’t think she was in the position to contribute. She very much is!

Obviously my circumstances have hugely changed following a divorce and I can’t believe I did things like this. When I get back on my feet I’ve certainly learned not to splash the cash on anyone who’ll accept it but that’s a whole other thread.

I personally wouldn't be able to afford that so I would have to decline, but it depends on your group of friends, is this a typical amount that they would spend for a meal? I can't imagine spending that much on a night out and would be very reluctant to commit given the minimum spend rule in case there are dropouts and you need to pay even more

She wants to celebrate somewhere she can't afford, basically? Cheeky af. Say no unless you're rolling in it.

I had to have a little giggle - she's mad as a box of frogs! Crazy expensive, no idea who's going so the risk of that going up is possible, and it's on Valentine's Day?!?! Not even cheeky, just absolute insanity. Bless her - is she usually so clueless?!

Just say no! She’s a cf!

She's not keen on seeing you at other times but wants you to underwrite the minimum spend for her party? I've known plenty of people split the bill for a normal birthday dinner, and others organise a private room with a min spend but then they were paying for the min spend, not the guests.

That’s nuts and she’s a CF to ask for that amount. I wouldn’t be paying/going.

@christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem , I wish Mumsnet would add a 'not in a fucking million years' reaction button. You would offer to cover the minimum spend?? You spent HOW FUCKING MUCH on a night out??

Spend your money on you. Drop these CFs.

This sort of thing does annoy me. If you're going to be la-de-dah with private dining rooms and the like, then you should be able to pay for it yourself rather than expecting your friends to stretch themselves. If you are going to put it on friends to pay then choose somewhere that's nice-but-normal; the company is the main thing anyway.

She's going to need 15 people to get it below £100 a head and that's still a lot for someone else's birthday. If five of them drop out (not unlikely) that's £150. Honestly I'd just decline - unless you can very comfortably afford it it's not worth the stress or expense.

I wouldn’t want to pay £170 for my own “low key” birthday night out!

That’s absolutely insane. Is it a 50th birthday or something?

when going to a restaurant for a friends birthday I’d usually expect to spend £30 (main and 1 drink if you’re skint) to £80 (if you’ve all agreed to something fancy) per person. £150+ pp before cocktails is insane, it’ll end up being £250pp after cocktails, tips and Ubers.

Id respond saying I love you but that’s way beyond what I can afford, and I’ll buy you lunch the weekend before.

DH and I go on holiday every 2 years to a European hotel and it’s £700 for the week incl breakfast. For her birthday dinner it’s not far off what we spend on our foreign holiday hotel. Fuck that.

I could afford it, and have paid that and more for a meal I've wanted to have.

It isn't just the cost of the meal either. It's the wine, cocktails, travel, accommodation etc.

But aside from any of that, someone who wants the extravagance of a private dining room should be paying for it. I'd tell my pal to catch the fuck on personally.

I would say no and put it in the group chat to stop others feeling pressured.

Hello Friend

While this looks lovely, sadly it's way out of budget for me. If you manage to get the minimum spend together from the other invitees, maybe me and you could go for a meal another time to celebrate?.

If others who you want to celebrate with are also struggling to afford this, I'd be happy to have a few round for pizza and a glass of wine and plan something fun with you.

170 fucking pounds, right after Christmas is outrageous and that's even aside from her knowing you have money worries. (And people can also have money worries without others knowing, so it's far better to be sensitive and book something cheaper, have people round or foot the bill yourself IMO.)

"No I can't afford that, have fun"

Hmmm this isn't The Ivy is it? I ended up cancelling my husband's private dine booking with them when found out the eye watering amount they wanted as a minimum spend because I was going to be the one to make up the shortfall, I certainly wouldn't have expected guests to foot the bill!

“You’ll have to count me out friend, my days of splashing that amount on a night out are long gone! Let’s sort something more lowkey for the two of us instead”

Is it an expensive restaurant or is it just designed for larger numbers? Id mention that it's too difficult to find accomodation near by within your budget on valentine's day due to the meal already costing so much and see if she takes that hint that a big table in a quiet corner would be a better option if it has to be that particular place.
Id suspect a lot are likely to drop out due the the likelihood of the price going up drastically and her expectations for others to cover it

Why are you even considering this if you've just declared bankruptcy?! I have friends who are wealthy - they would organize and pay for such evenings. Others who are less so would plan a reasonably priced evening and cover some things but ask for a reasonable contribution for the rest. This sort of behavior smacks of entitlement to me. I would be reconsidering the friendship, especially given she knows your financial situation.

Honestly I don't think it's personally worth it, I know she's a 'good friend' but she's also a very entitled one at that !
Those prices are steep because of Valentines and so will be over the odds anyway
You don't know how many are going, and as it's on Valentines you seriously think that other invitees won't have better things to do?
I'd tell her sorry and find something else to do myself, for the prices quoted yourself and another could get away somewhere cheaper together......

Absolutely no way. Cheeky as fuck.