Would you find this invitation cheeky?

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Just looking for opinions

i have a friend who has a birthday coming up in feb. to celebrate, she wants to hire a private dining room and have a dinner with friends.

after running through some options, she’s found the minimum spend for the place is £1500. She’s not sure who she wants to invite yet, as in hasn’t confirmed numbers. She’s sent a message to those already on the list (including me) saying:

“Hi guys

I’d love if you could join me in celebrating my birthday on 14th Feb 26. We will be going to X at 8:30pm for a fun night of food and drinks then on to X for cocktails.

The pricing is looking to be around £170 per person to meet minimum spend at restaurant. Obviously this is going to vary depending on numbers on the night.

I need to put a deposit down of £750 to secure the date so would appreciate if you could confirm and transfer your share which I will then deduct at the time.

cant wait!”

now a few things..

1. I’m happy to go but somethings not sitting right with me
2. Surely she should foot the deposit then be reimbursed by attendees?
3. All attending aren’t friends so I imagine the price per head will vary wildly based on what drinks are being ordered (we’re usually a split equally amongst the group type of friendship)
4. If people drop out (likely) the price is going to go up even further. I get that this is the norm however due to the already variable cost it could basically end up 3-4 people footing a £1500 tab?

do you think it’s a little cheeky? How would you approach this? I don’t want to decline the invite but I do want to make clear I don’t want to have to consider further costs. It’s also worth noting that this restaurant is about 2 hours away in another city so will be factoring in travel and hotel probably as well

Even more of a reason to say no

I could afford it but would say no - that’s an outrageous request tbh

given your circumstances I’d probably reply ‘as you know I am struggling financially at the moment so this won’t be possible for me. I hope you have a really lovely time.

Sorry to hear about your situation. I would honestly ram it home because she can’t have forgotten: “Friend while I appreciate the invitation, as you know I have had to declare bankruptcy and I have very little available money to spend. I want to celebrate with you, but I can only afford drinks afterwards as I am sure you understand.”

Definitely a diva and more power to her I suppose! It’s just the uncertainty that’s making me a bit 🤔 given she knows my position on my previous update.

she told me this is her “low key” celebration and wants to keep it pretty chilled. That’s why I’m surprised at the cost.

shes not forthcoming with making plans socially on other occasions

Very unreasonable. If she wants a fancy upmarket party she should foot the bill.

Gosh are you me? I’ve done exactly this but I’ve had a change in circumstances. I’d much rather put any money I have to travel!

Lol....

I wouldn't be going personally

This 100 percent

Contribution towards the £1500 min spend which is redeemable on food and drinks

Absolutely not!

For DHs 40th we booked a private dining room, cost was similar but we footed the full bill!

(Not why we are now in debt 🤣)

You say she ‘hasn’t decided who she’s going to invite yet’ - is she planning on whittling down the eager herd through a series of pleading auditions, or is she only inviting those who can transfer the cash by the end of Jan?

either way - how delightful.

Fuck that. OP doesn't need to give an explanation.

Your friend is nuts, OP. If you must, just say that sadly you can't make that day. And watch everyone slowly come up with similar excuses...

I have but that's at two or three Michelin star restaurants. She should look around for a better deal or accept an arrangement that's not private dining.

I thought if you invited someone for a meal you paid?

I’d decline. I’ve never spent that much on a meal!

She needs to get herself organised and get her guest list sorted. She can’t ask her ‘A’ list to subsidise her party!

I don’t think I’d pay for travel, a hotel stay, and an unknown amount for dinner and drinks for anyone’s birthday - including my own!! This is bonkers and I’d have no qualms saying no thanks 😂 I do semi-admire the chutzpah of someone thinking lots of people will do this for them, though. And if/when they don’t, no doubt feel entitled to feel hard done by that none of their friends care about them enough. SMH. How some people live.

It’s on Valentines Day - anyone that celebrates this event will drop out or not want to go, it should be the week before or the week after as not everyone will want to eat out the day before or the day after.

No way could I afford £170.00 for a meal, the whole family could eat out for that. Plus there’s the cost of cocktails on top of that, taxi home or a hotel for the night, a new dress, a birthday present. Are you and all your friends rich….?

No, it should be people on the night order whatever food and drink they want. If it doesn’t meet the minimum spend then birthday girl foots the shortfall. She can’t expect everyone’s payment to go up and down depending on her own friends dropping out. She can get the deposit back on the night by asking the restaurant not to knock it off the bill and return it to her.

I would say can't make the meal but will definitely be at X for cocktails. Travel and hotel are not going to be cheap either valentine's night. Unless that is the normal amount you would as a group spend for a night out I think it is cheeky as fuck.

It’s not about explaining - it’s about being pointed about the reason

asking your friend who is going through bankruptcy to pay that much is crass in the extreme

That’s madness I absolutely would be declining the invitation! I couldn’t imagine spending that on a meal and expecting my friends to cough up £170 as a deposit!

£170 on a night out would fall weigh outside of my budget, I wouldn’t spend even close to half that usually on food and drinks so I would decline on that basis alone. Unless you are all very affluent with high disposable incomes this is a ridiculous amount to expect people to spend, is it a milestone birthday and will she expect a gift as well?

Absolutely no chance of me going , I don’t drink but even if I did wouldn’t spend that on one night

Just say no. It’s cheeky beyond words

My face reading the £170 bit! 😮

That would be a no.