Would you find this invitation cheeky?

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Just looking for opinions

i have a friend who has a birthday coming up in feb. to celebrate, she wants to hire a private dining room and have a dinner with friends.

after running through some options, she’s found the minimum spend for the place is £1500. She’s not sure who she wants to invite yet, as in hasn’t confirmed numbers. She’s sent a message to those already on the list (including me) saying:

“Hi guys

I’d love if you could join me in celebrating my birthday on 14th Feb 26. We will be going to X at 8:30pm for a fun night of food and drinks then on to X for cocktails.

The pricing is looking to be around £170 per person to meet minimum spend at restaurant. Obviously this is going to vary depending on numbers on the night.

I need to put a deposit down of £750 to secure the date so would appreciate if you could confirm and transfer your share which I will then deduct at the time.

cant wait!”

now a few things..

1. I’m happy to go but somethings not sitting right with me
2. Surely she should foot the deposit then be reimbursed by attendees?
3. All attending aren’t friends so I imagine the price per head will vary wildly based on what drinks are being ordered (we’re usually a split equally amongst the group type of friendship)
4. If people drop out (likely) the price is going to go up even further. I get that this is the norm however due to the already variable cost it could basically end up 3-4 people footing a £1500 tab?

do you think it’s a little cheeky? How would you approach this? I don’t want to decline the invite but I do want to make clear I don’t want to have to consider further costs. It’s also worth noting that this restaurant is about 2 hours away in another city so will be factoring in travel and hotel probably as well

Does she not enjoy making her own milkshake at McDonald's?

Why would it be called an invitation if you have to pay for yourself. Presuming the 170 pounds is per person, that's horrendously expensive.

The only way this might be ok is if this friend is single and child free and has consistently been a huge spender and supporter of all of your hen dos, destination weddings, gift lists, baby showers etc, you might find she’s already spend 1000s on you all

You can invite people along to a night out and they say yes or no to her ‘is that price ok’ question … op can just say no. In their circle it sounds like it’s been the norm to spend that night on dinners out with each other

I was having this exact convo the other day. It's a bit like when ppl elect to get married somewhere abroad and expect ppl to fork out inordinate sums of cash. It's one thing if you're very wealthy - in which case, as she is the host, she should pay. The idea being that at some point you'd all take turns in hosting somewhere expensive. But £170 before you've even had a cocktail? No ta. I actually think it's really obnoxious and tone deaf.

This may be why I have few friends but I would never pay to attend a party of any sort beyond the present. I would buy extras like drinks but if it were a sit down meal, I’d expect this to be covered by them.

I wouldn’t go, but you’ve admitted that you’ve attended and paid for similar events like this with this friend in the past?
So, this isn’t unusual in your friendship group, and it’s only now that it’s bothering you because your financial circumstances have changed.

I actually think you’ve done a really shitty thing by posting her invite on mumsnet.

How did you play it ??

I’m a straight talker so I would be calling her and saying that almost £200 each is absolutely nuts and that at those prices she may find herself with only a few friends there and ask the question if the bill would then rise to £400 to cover that?!
I would then politely decline the invite and say sorry mate but that’s a HUGE ask and I simply can’t afford it … let me know if you rebook for somewhere cheaper though as I’d love to celebrate with you!

Yes this is a reasonable respectful lovely sincere & honest response 💚
& although you mentioned straight talking, it's really unoffensive & much kinder than leading friends a merry dance... This way our friends know where they stand & how they can improve things for everyone, if they choose to 🫂
It's always nice to be kindly let know, where we might go wrong, & how we can make amendments, rather than be left wondering & guessing - Thank you for your compassionate, thoughtful enlightenments
💚🫂💚

That`s not very current nowadays - with the Internet there is no need to expect people to attend somewhere abroad - just stream it - the wedding somewhere abroad is just doin it on the cheap - honeymoon and wedding service combined

Entitled fucker. I absolutely wouldn’t be going to this 😂

I think it depends on the person I know loads of people who get married abroad. However, they pay for close family and friends. Who wants to do a Zoom wedding??

Many DO (a Zoom wedding) SO obviously many wants to do (a Zoom wedding)
> If people didn`t want it - it would NOT be popular

I have never heard of a zoom wedding!

@christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem how did it go in the end?!

It got called off because not enough people rsvpd. She seems miffed with us all to be honest. Much more going on in my life currently than to be worried about that though.

friend in question is very much on a “self care” journey over the last few years and basically turns her nose up at anything to do with drinking or outings or stereotypical “fun” so struggling to find a replacement plan really. She’s AWOL 99% of the time doing “high vibrational” things.

You’re going to have to give more context for “high vibrational” things because my mind has 100% gone to the gutter.

Heh thanks for the update. Seems you weren't alone in thinking it was too much of an ask.

High vibrational things is things like meditation, eating well, manifestation, walks in nature.

I know you were trying to clear up the misunderstanding for BeingATwatItsABingThing, but I just misread that as eating well, masturbation... 😁

High vibrational things
Brilliant I need to slip this into conversations