Would you find this invitation cheeky?

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Just looking for opinions

i have a friend who has a birthday coming up in feb. to celebrate, she wants to hire a private dining room and have a dinner with friends.

after running through some options, she’s found the minimum spend for the place is £1500. She’s not sure who she wants to invite yet, as in hasn’t confirmed numbers. She’s sent a message to those already on the list (including me) saying:

“Hi guys

I’d love if you could join me in celebrating my birthday on 14th Feb 26. We will be going to X at 8:30pm for a fun night of food and drinks then on to X for cocktails.

The pricing is looking to be around £170 per person to meet minimum spend at restaurant. Obviously this is going to vary depending on numbers on the night.

I need to put a deposit down of £750 to secure the date so would appreciate if you could confirm and transfer your share which I will then deduct at the time.

cant wait!”

now a few things..

1. I’m happy to go but somethings not sitting right with me
2. Surely she should foot the deposit then be reimbursed by attendees?
3. All attending aren’t friends so I imagine the price per head will vary wildly based on what drinks are being ordered (we’re usually a split equally amongst the group type of friendship)
4. If people drop out (likely) the price is going to go up even further. I get that this is the norm however due to the already variable cost it could basically end up 3-4 people footing a £1500 tab?

do you think it’s a little cheeky? How would you approach this? I don’t want to decline the invite but I do want to make clear I don’t want to have to consider further costs. It’s also worth noting that this restaurant is about 2 hours away in another city so will be factoring in travel and hotel probably as well

I was going to suggest you reply to her saying "oh so sorry we have longstanding plans on that date" but reading your update ... just reply to her "that is just too much for me but I hope you have a really lovely celebration"

I'm pretty well off and I would baulk at 170 for a meal I have no control over.

Where's this meal at, The Ritz?! I suspect most people are going to decline this invitation. £170 just for food? That would be a firm 'no' from me.

Actually, for my birthday this year I want to go to a restaurant which is £265 a head. Mr Soup isn't a foodie and the experience would be wasted on him so I've asked a friend. But I'm obviously paying for the 2 of us because why the fuck should my friend be out by a chunk for my birthday?!

Just been informed there’s now other things that she’s paying for to make it an “event” ie gift bags and photographer so definitely no way she’ll be subbing. I think the expectation is to pay her share amongst the group too

As per many other posts, I'd politely decline and offer to have a quiet celebration with her another time.

You could all put that money into a pot and have a couple of lovely nights away with a house share somewhere! Wine n nibbles and you'd likely all have more fun to boot!

Holy moly. I'm so sorry that things have changed for you. I'd think twice or three times at spending £17 on a meal out for me, if fact I know I wouldn't/couldn't.

I really hope things get better for you soon it must be a bit of a shock to the system 🥴

Sorry that's way out of my budget but I hope you have a fab night!

I love my friends but I couldn’t afford that! It would be a no from me.

How is the photographer something she's doing for everyone else?! She sounds tedious and shallow, in addition to entitled!

Gift bags and a photographer? Is she Beyoncé, because it sounds like she is and therefore she should be footing all of this. Even for a big birthday sounds rather OTT.

Fucking hell. She must have a planet sized ego to be hiring a photographer for a dinner for her birthday!

What, as in she pays nothing because you all cover her share? Nope, sorry, give your apologies now. Having read more of your posts you have ample reason to say you can't afford that much.

A photographer for a dinner with 10 people 😕

I would RSVP with the classic MN line 'are you on glue?'

Gift bags? Is she an influencencer or just pretending to be? Ridiculous.

bloody cheeky and ignorant inviting you to pay that amount knowing what youve gone through

ive never paid that for anyones birthday inculding family

What sort of friend, knowing your current position, would dream of sending such a begging letter invitation!

Come on @christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem have you actually declined? The sooner she knows the better for her

Cheeky beyond belief! I'd have to say 'thanks, but no thanks!'

I feel I must point out that I did ask her what she’d like to do for her birthday, so I’ve by no means gave the impression I won’t be doing anything.

just wanted to clear that up so as not to seem like I resent the proposal of celebrating

I’ve not declined yet, I likely won’t. But I want to say I can’t pay that amount and can only commit once figures are confirmed.

If you’re thinking it’s expensive I am sure a lot of others are! I could never agree to spending that and if you went as a couple that’s £340 which is wild! Also it’s Valentine’s Day so people might want to spend it together!

If she wants to be fancy she can pay I’d say!

Id just let her know I won't be able to attend, I wouldn't go into much detail or make up lies, just offer to go out for a drink another time.
What are your other friends saying about it? I would definitely be checking what other people are thinking as it sounds like quite a strange set up

OP I don’t want to come cross as harsh but given the stories you have told about previous nights out it seems that you are financially a little reckless

the fact you are about to be made bankrupt and are still considering paying a lot for a night out (hotel/travel/what will end up being a lot for the meal and drinks/no doubt a present) suggests you haven’t quite got a handle on the finances

Dear God after all the bridezillas we have read about, we now have Birthdayzilla.

And no, I wouldn't be going. Tell her to jog on and get real.