Would you find this invitation cheeky?

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Just looking for opinions

i have a friend who has a birthday coming up in feb. to celebrate, she wants to hire a private dining room and have a dinner with friends.

after running through some options, she’s found the minimum spend for the place is £1500. She’s not sure who she wants to invite yet, as in hasn’t confirmed numbers. She’s sent a message to those already on the list (including me) saying:

“Hi guys

I’d love if you could join me in celebrating my birthday on 14th Feb 26. We will be going to X at 8:30pm for a fun night of food and drinks then on to X for cocktails.

The pricing is looking to be around £170 per person to meet minimum spend at restaurant. Obviously this is going to vary depending on numbers on the night.

I need to put a deposit down of £750 to secure the date so would appreciate if you could confirm and transfer your share which I will then deduct at the time.

cant wait!”

now a few things..

1. I’m happy to go but somethings not sitting right with me
2. Surely she should foot the deposit then be reimbursed by attendees?
3. All attending aren’t friends so I imagine the price per head will vary wildly based on what drinks are being ordered (we’re usually a split equally amongst the group type of friendship)
4. If people drop out (likely) the price is going to go up even further. I get that this is the norm however due to the already variable cost it could basically end up 3-4 people footing a £1500 tab?

do you think it’s a little cheeky? How would you approach this? I don’t want to decline the invite but I do want to make clear I don’t want to have to consider further costs. It’s also worth noting that this restaurant is about 2 hours away in another city so will be factoring in travel and hotel probably as well

£170 for the restaurant and then she wants you to go somewhere else for cocktails after??? As well as travel/hotel. And I presume she’ll be expecting a gift? So possibly around £500 for 1 night out….nope, not a chance!

My thoughts exactly

And if they are, she should really be paying all if not for the food… my rich friends who have done big birthday dinners have footed the bill

She is a CF. You don't invite people to a birthday dinner and expect them to pay for themselves. In your position I'd politely decline as there is no way you'll get away with paying £170. You'll definitely get stung.

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I would message back and decline this is madness I don't even spend that on my self for a meal crazy

Then that’s your answer. As a bankrupt you’re only allowed day to day living expenses. This isn’t a day to day living expense

The costs are on her , its her idea, her party, its what she wants to do. Its not like she is having a party at home where some people can bring a plate and some drinks and help cater. When my kids had their 18th and their 16th they wanted to put on a dinner and ice cream with their friends to celebrate, I footed the entire bill and didnt expect their friends to pay for a single dime. Cost me $1000. I am always throwing big parties and social events and have never asked anyone to foot the bill or pay towards it. I mean it would be nice to contribute considering its your friends birthday but that is way to much ask guests. Maybe she would have been better off asking guests to contribute to a birthday wishing well and using those funds to help cover costs.

This

My friends would think I’d lost my mind if I sent them an invitation of this sort. It seems to indicate an extraordinary level of self importance and entitlement. I don’t mix with people for whom expecting others to spend this much money on celebrating their birthday is normal. It seems utterly outrageous to me.

You sound lovely OP but I’m afraid that I’d have to find myself already booked that night on a prior engagement!

How good a friend is she? Can you gently point out this is madness and someone will end up hugely out of pocket?

dear x, thanks for including me in the plans I really appreciate it. However as you know my finances are now extremely tight due to the divorce etc so I will have to decline. Can we plan an alternative celebration just for us two?

Unbelivable! She should be paying for her own birthday party not asking for contributions.

I don’t mix with people for whom expecting others to spend this much money on celebrating their birthday is normal.

Neither do I.

I often read threads like this with incredulity - at the self entitlement of the birthayzilla/bridezilla and at the lack of backbone from the invited person who cannot find it in themself to push back at the unreasonable requests.

I’m afraid that I’d have to find myself already booked that night on a prior engagement!

I would just be honest and say that I couldn't afford it.

Haven’t got time to RTFT and I’m sure I’m not the first to say this but:

• it is no wonder she is struggling to get friends to attend
• she is a cheeky, materialistic, grasping fucker
• whilst I am very sorry you went bankrupt, I feel this could be a great time to get some counselling around money, spending and relationships. And cut up your credit cards.

Big time reality check needed, what a desperate cry for attention.

Jesus christ how much? No way would I attend it's much too expensive for a meal out and yes I'd find it very cheeky for someone to ask me to pay that for their birthday celebration especially as a minimum

@christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem I think you know you can’t go. I would t say I can’t afford £170 as she’ll come back with £150. You need to say you can’t go but will go out for drinks the following week.

Post a message on the group chat with 😂mentioning Xmas must have wiped her out financially. Particularly, as she's asking for contributions from friends to pay for her birthday party.

The only way to deal with cheeky fuckers like her is to name and shame them. They don't get subtle hints about etiquette and appropriate social behaviour.

You need to decline OP. Remind her of your financial situation. You can meet her for a drink another time.

Oh they get them all right but choose go laugh them off.

But in fairness the OP’s lifestyle was very different to most people’s and her friendship circle is too.

I would politely decline and be truthful. Say its beyond your budget for one person. Its a bit cheeky expecting people to shell out that kind of money.

Wouldn’t your creditors be wondering if you’ve undeclared assets if you go splashing the cash around on a night out.
You’ll need to be saving every penny to make yourself credit worthy and I’d tell your CF this.

She's having a laugh. If she isn't paying then I'm not going. Stumping up a MINIMUM of £170 so you friend can live it up, hard pass.

It’s an invitation. Do you want to go? If yes say so and pay up, if no then decline. It’s as simple as that.

My reply would be "Sorry, that's not doable within my budget, so won't be able to join you. Enjoy your birthday anyway!"

What a CF. She wants to have a big posh birthday dinner, but she can't afford it. Stupid. Why can't she just book a big table in a sensibly priced restaurant? I'm not spending that kind of money on someone else's birthday, I could have a nice evening in a Michelin star restaurant for that!