Would you find this invitation cheeky?

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Just looking for opinions

i have a friend who has a birthday coming up in feb. to celebrate, she wants to hire a private dining room and have a dinner with friends.

after running through some options, she’s found the minimum spend for the place is £1500. She’s not sure who she wants to invite yet, as in hasn’t confirmed numbers. She’s sent a message to those already on the list (including me) saying:

“Hi guys

I’d love if you could join me in celebrating my birthday on 14th Feb 26. We will be going to X at 8:30pm for a fun night of food and drinks then on to X for cocktails.

The pricing is looking to be around £170 per person to meet minimum spend at restaurant. Obviously this is going to vary depending on numbers on the night.

I need to put a deposit down of £750 to secure the date so would appreciate if you could confirm and transfer your share which I will then deduct at the time.

cant wait!”

now a few things..

1. I’m happy to go but somethings not sitting right with me
2. Surely she should foot the deposit then be reimbursed by attendees?
3. All attending aren’t friends so I imagine the price per head will vary wildly based on what drinks are being ordered (we’re usually a split equally amongst the group type of friendship)
4. If people drop out (likely) the price is going to go up even further. I get that this is the norm however due to the already variable cost it could basically end up 3-4 people footing a £1500 tab?

do you think it’s a little cheeky? How would you approach this? I don’t want to decline the invite but I do want to make clear I don’t want to have to consider further costs. It’s also worth noting that this restaurant is about 2 hours away in another city so will be factoring in travel and hotel probably as well

This tbh. What on earth are you thinking?

I wouldn't go.

She wants others to pay for a party she can't afford.

Don't lie about being busy that weekend though, be honest and let her know it's a cost issue as she might then wise up and come up with something more realistic.

So birthday girl is insensitive / self-absorbed / selfish.

I would just decline.

'Sorry Julie, that's just not within my budget. Hope you have a lovely time, maybe we can get together another (cheaper!) time. XX'

Do not allow her to bounce you into overspending.

The problem is we’re all individual friends not a group so we can’t even preempt drop outs!

This and I know very few people who could afford /justify spending that amount on a meal

Yet another entitled princess who wants to dine at a restaurant outside their budget so they make their friends finance it for them, probably and so they can put photos on SM.

You are insane for even considering going in your circumstances. Just decline and tell her why.

Sounds like it's not uncommon in your friendship group to spend more than most of us would?

Fine, but your circumstances have changed and you can't afford it any more.

You just have to tell her and if she's a good friend she'll understand

This 👌🏼
CF in it's finest form.

If she wants a celebration like that, then she funds it. She shouldn't expect anyone to chip in and definitely not for a deposit of a space that people will drop out of or turn down and then the final cost goes up.
If this was my friend, I'd be having a word with her and bring her down to earth a bit

Why don’t you just reply that you budget for the night is £100 tops for meal & drinks so you aren’t able to commit.

If you have declared bankruptcy, can you even spring this kind of cash? Surely, any extra income you have will go towards your debts, and you can't use your credit cards etc, especially for such frivolous reasons. As others have said, you do appear to be financially reckless...

Bet she's expecting a bloody present too...I'm amazed she has even suggested this given she knows your current financial situation. I wouldn't class her as a friend.

my view is you only book a private dining room if you can afford to foot the bill. Otherwise just book a table at a restaurant.

Just caught up.

OP, it's out of your reach right now.
Don't lose more money, don't stress about it.

"Sorry X but you know my situation. I just can't do it this time/year".

If it's a significant birthday, she should be footing the bill or at most asking for a fixed contribution.

If she can't afford to pay for her own big birthday then she should be asking who'd like to go for dinner in the normal way for your group, on a date that doesn't command a huge premium!

So you’ve been made bankrupt but are still prepared to splash a significant amount of cash in this manner, only balking at the open-ended nature of it? Wow, I’d be prioritizing getting back on my feet financially to pay back what I owe where I can.

Kindly, you have some financial ground to gain this year and taking part in this party will only get you further away from achieving your financial goals.

Sorry to sound harsh here but you are about to declare bankruptcy and you are not going to decline an expensive birthday meal? What are you on?

Totally extortionate.
Nobody will attend, why would anyone want to pay that?

I think she sound alike those people who hang around in the streets when you are abroad and try to get you into clubs for commission

don’t be a studge

who on earth as an adult would be investing all this is a normal birthday and hassling people over Xmas

She’s very brave scheduling a big meal out for Valentine’s Day, especially at that price. I’d be faking a boyfriend right about now 🤣

I don't understand her maths. If it's 1500 quid minimum and she's expecting people to pay 170, how many is she expecting? She'd need just under 9 spending 170 (and people usually come in round numbers) to get to 1500. If 15 people go, then they need to spend 100 each inc drinks to get to min spend, which sounds more reasonable?

Haha, no.

She’s taking the piss on an industrial scale.

I'd be declining that. Minimum £170 each ! I dont drink so that would be a very expensive chicken and a juice.

Well at this stage she only needs to pay the deposit so it sounds like she has targeted the friends who have been generous to her in the past as she doesn’t need to collect the full 1500 before the night

shes ripping you off OP - I suspect you’ll get there and find you get nothing for the 170 and are expected to contribute along with the other guests to get to the remaining 750