Would you find this invitation cheeky?

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Just looking for opinions

i have a friend who has a birthday coming up in feb. to celebrate, she wants to hire a private dining room and have a dinner with friends.

after running through some options, she’s found the minimum spend for the place is £1500. She’s not sure who she wants to invite yet, as in hasn’t confirmed numbers. She’s sent a message to those already on the list (including me) saying:

“Hi guys

I’d love if you could join me in celebrating my birthday on 14th Feb 26. We will be going to X at 8:30pm for a fun night of food and drinks then on to X for cocktails.

The pricing is looking to be around £170 per person to meet minimum spend at restaurant. Obviously this is going to vary depending on numbers on the night.

I need to put a deposit down of £750 to secure the date so would appreciate if you could confirm and transfer your share which I will then deduct at the time.

cant wait!”

now a few things..

1. I’m happy to go but somethings not sitting right with me
2. Surely she should foot the deposit then be reimbursed by attendees?
3. All attending aren’t friends so I imagine the price per head will vary wildly based on what drinks are being ordered (we’re usually a split equally amongst the group type of friendship)
4. If people drop out (likely) the price is going to go up even further. I get that this is the norm however due to the already variable cost it could basically end up 3-4 people footing a £1500 tab?

do you think it’s a little cheeky? How would you approach this? I don’t want to decline the invite but I do want to make clear I don’t want to have to consider further costs. It’s also worth noting that this restaurant is about 2 hours away in another city so will be factoring in travel and hotel probably as well

In which case I’d be saying “I’m sorry but you are more than aware I cannot afford this. Enjoy your night!”

Oh dear. I must live on a different planet. Id would never spend more than £50 on a meal out. And I thinkntbat is a lot. £20 is about right 👍

I bet if you go someone will decide the birthday girl shouldn't pay so it will 100% be more expensive.

Why are some people too proud to say they can't afford something? It really isn't shameful to feel this way.

I really wouldn't worry about offending the birthday person by saying you can't afford it.

Respond ...

Sorry, it's too expensive for me to consider.
Hope you have a nice birthday.

For someone on the brink of filing bankruptcy, you'd be utterly irresponsible for going to this, so on that basis, YABU.

If I were in your shoes, I'd be making it clear to your friend that you can no longer attend lavish nights out with excessive spending (and I know you said that this is reined in spending compared to usual, but it's still excessive). Then wish her well and suggest a coffee another time.

Dinner: £170 minimum
Cocktails at 2nd location: £50 approx
hotel: £150 a night
Petrol: £70 (4 hours drive, there and back)
Present: £100 (may as well go for something a bit pricey as it will be expected)

Total: Total MADNESS!!!!!

Text message to the Diva: « Hey (Selfish) Diva, Your birthday celebration sounds amazing (not). As you are fully aware of my change of circumstances, I’m afraid I cannot join you this time! I wish you the best (flop of a) Birthday! I am sure (no one will turn up) you’ll have lots of fun xx »

Ridiculous.

If she can’t afford to pay the bulk of the cost, and definitely all of the deposit herself, she does not belong in that place.

It sounds pretentious anyway. Where is it?

Your friend wants to make a splash , that's fine- but she has to understand a splash means expense.
She can't expect others to foot such a big just so she can hire such an expensive venue. A deposit should definitely be covered by the person organising the event.
I personally would not go to something like this when the cost could go up hugely- what if half the people pull out -that would take the minimum spend up to £320.
Really £170 minimum spend is huge,if people drop out,and if drinks on top of that are divided between diners you could be looking at no change from £450. you could get a lovely weekend away with your partner for that-just for one night- that's a hard no from my perspective.

Your friend is rude and cheeky beyond belief! When I have booked a minimum spend place I have always made up the total to the max myself after everyone had paid their own share (often there’s no more to be paid) - but I wouldn’t expect guests to fork out £170 for meal and then cocktails on top just because I want a particular venue.

I couldn't afford it and I'd say I'm probably in the majority of people replying.

But your lifestyles sound enviously different to mine and I imagine 170 pounds is the equivalent of asking me to pay 17 pounds which I would obviously do.

Wow, life is crazy in Amandaland eh?

It's not a party if you're not throwing it yourself. If you need guests to pay, it's a fundraiser.

In this case, the funds are going towards the cause of 'birthday girl can't afford the night out she wants'.

Maybe suggest hiring the village hall & getting a bouncy castle & 10 boxes of sausage rolls in as an alternative that would be in budget for a party SHE can afford to throw FOR her friends?!?

I attended something similar but the host paid for all main meals and soft drink or 1 free alcoholic drink, then everyone paid for anything else as they went on. Asking for all that money is crazy, not sure what meal you're paying that much for.

Noooo way would I go

no way would I want to be on the hook for anything up like £750. What if only 2 of you go?

I went to a birthday dinner like this recently, I am veggie so only had pasta and salad and wine when everyone else had expensive meat and fish, they asked for bill fo be split, it was £160 each! Plus my uber home and babysitter at £15 an hour the whole thing cost me over £300 I was so so so sad I could have had a weekend away for that price!

all I can say is at least this friend is being upfront about the price… if enough people say no I can’t budget for that but I’ll come for drinks after she may rethink the venue!

Say that then!

there is absolutely no reason why you can’t say that. Perfectly acceptable

feck that . And yes she should be paying the deposit herself

Just tell her that due to circumstances she is already privy to, you will not be able to justify the cost. You would however like to take her out for lunch/ coffee/ cinema etc.

This is outrageous! So you have treated her previously and yet you are still invited and expected to pay? Is she an Insta influencer or does are want to be? It just sounds so ridiculous to choose somewhere she cannot afford

priories your own finances

What? What! & What the f....???!!!

Stop.

you're filing for bankruptcy, you need to face the fact you're not in any position (now) to be splashing the cash.

it seems you haven't (yet) learnt your lesson. You clearly earn well but are financially irresponsible. I'm sorry about your divorce & no doubt that's affected you hugely financially, but earning so well you shouldn't have needed to file for bankruptcy.

but this thread isn't about that so much & I don't know all the details.

your friend is being self absorbed & ridiculous to the extreme & you'd do well to tell her so, not play along!!

I have no objectiiin to going to celebrate a friends birthday & paying for my own meal.

but a restaurant, 2 hours away, with a high minimum spend. No fucking way.

'low key' 😂😂🙇🏻‍♀️😂😂

& on Valentine's Day. 😂🙇🏻‍♀️

If she wants it so badly maybe she should pay!
That’s a lot of money without travel or other expenses. I would say thanks but no thanks.

No way would I spend that much on a night out!

I wouldn’t agree to this as if the numbers go really low
You could face a huge bill !

jm sure she could find somewhere really nice for a much more affordable amount and soemthing set so you know what your getting so say 60 on meal then whatever you want to pay on drinks

I’m sorry your life changed dramatically and you lost so much. I know what’s kiek for your life to change overnight