Would you find this invitation cheeky?

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Just looking for opinions

i have a friend who has a birthday coming up in feb. to celebrate, she wants to hire a private dining room and have a dinner with friends.

after running through some options, she’s found the minimum spend for the place is £1500. She’s not sure who she wants to invite yet, as in hasn’t confirmed numbers. She’s sent a message to those already on the list (including me) saying:

“Hi guys

I’d love if you could join me in celebrating my birthday on 14th Feb 26. We will be going to X at 8:30pm for a fun night of food and drinks then on to X for cocktails.

The pricing is looking to be around £170 per person to meet minimum spend at restaurant. Obviously this is going to vary depending on numbers on the night.

I need to put a deposit down of £750 to secure the date so would appreciate if you could confirm and transfer your share which I will then deduct at the time.

cant wait!”

now a few things..

1. I’m happy to go but somethings not sitting right with me
2. Surely she should foot the deposit then be reimbursed by attendees?
3. All attending aren’t friends so I imagine the price per head will vary wildly based on what drinks are being ordered (we’re usually a split equally amongst the group type of friendship)
4. If people drop out (likely) the price is going to go up even further. I get that this is the norm however due to the already variable cost it could basically end up 3-4 people footing a £1500 tab?

do you think it’s a little cheeky? How would you approach this? I don’t want to decline the invite but I do want to make clear I don’t want to have to consider further costs. It’s also worth noting that this restaurant is about 2 hours away in another city so will be factoring in travel and hotel probably as well

Youre bankrupt and planning to spend £170+ on one meal and drinks BEFORE cocktails, travel amd a hotel. I think youd be an idiot to go.

This isnt low-key, but reading your comments on £3k tables in clubs for birthdays i wonder if your social circle is so different to mine this isn't as outrageous to your group as it would be to mine.

I think its cheeky to throw a party you cant afford. With a £1500 minimum spend i think you want 15 - 20 attendees and defo be ready to pay for yourself.

Do you know how many shes inviting? Im also wondering where the £170 figure has come from.. if 5 people pay £170 thats £850 (4 its £680)? Is she contributing anything to the deposit? And if she is hoping for 10 attendees that would be £75 each or is she inviting 10 but billing 4?

Id be busy with my DP on Valentines and unable to commit

Come to my party and you can pay? on what planet?

I had a friend ask to do something similar for her birthday and I just declined and said I would never spend that on my own birthday never mind hers. She was fine and went to some fancy tasting menu thing with only one other friend instead. Your friend should foot the bill if she wants to eat somewhere like that IMO

She needs to pay if she wants this sort of celebration. The bulk of it, if not all.

This is very bad etiquette. Personally I would politely decline the invite due to a prior engagement on that date and make an offer of something less expensive on another date that is affordable. An afternoon tea could serve as a personal treat/ gift and you choose the venue.

I would tell my friends I can not come as it's too expensive and they would understand.
If it's not a good enough friend to understand and have a frank conversation about it then I would just tell them I can not make it now due to other commitments.

If this is the case then you would be absolutely insane to go to this and pay 170 for one meal out. You need to have a word with yourself for even considering it. Just hit your hand with a hammer or something to shock you into your reality.

say no. And fast. This is ridiculous and will end in disaster

It would be a no from me. Luckily we don’t mix in a social circle that would consider a £170 per head for a meal!!

Cheeky and Cheapy

OP...the amount you are talking about spending on evenings out...it's eye watering. Now that your circumstances have changed you need better friends.
This woman is not being considerate to your life circumstances- she is not a genuine friend.

My husbands has a big birthday coming up next week. I paid £120 to reserve a table for 10 for a lovely birthday lunch at a gorgeous restaurant in the West end of my City.The amount has now been offset against wine and fizz, it’s been paid upfront by me. I picked a beautiful menu from three different choices .Guests let me know their choices. I will of course pick up the tab.My guests will only pay their own transport and drinks if they want to order spirits.My point is ,if you want to make a party then pay for it. If you can’t then don’t have one or set your sights a bit lower. We all need to ‘cut our cloth to suit our budget’ It’s a very cheeky invite imho.

For my 40th birthday I arranged a meal with 11 of my friends in an expensive restaurant in Chigwell, Essex. They had a private dining room with a minimum spend. I would never have expected my friends to contribute towards this. My birthday, I invited them because I wanted them there. I covered the entire 3k bill. When were guests expected to contribute towards expensive parties, dinners, weddings etc?!? If you cant afford to host, don’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

As far as I'm concerned if you are invited out for a birthday meal the person inviting you pays. I had similar happen but a few of us went to celebrate a birthday meal, then she started splitting the bill, so we all paid for our own, we had all bought presents and made our own way there. It will never happen again, I'm not tight but why ask people if you can't afford to pay?

She’s out of her bloody mind! Tell her it’s ridiculously expensive and you don’t think it will work out.

Just say "I can't afford this so must decline"

Sorry to hear that OP.
Obviously you can't go, and you need to reply briefly saying that the price is way out of your league these days.
I wouldn't like getting an invitation/invoice like that and would refuse unless I was very keen on the person who issued it.

Valentine's day... Nah.

You need to decline and tell her she's taking the absolute piss wanting everyone to fund her birthday party in this manner.

I clearly was more trustworthy because I don't recall having a minimum charge except when I hired out an entire London restaurant. Personally, I don't have £170 spare at this time of year. And that would suggest she doesn't think more than nine people will attend either! She's clearly not planning to pay for herself...

A proper party with a private dining room, I'd be expecting 16-20 people to go. And suddenly the deposit of £750 would mean asking people for £40 each at this stage...

She IS doin it wrong - gettin the costs back from the attendees

> should get the costs back FIRST - without the guests payin

Belle Bridal would be glad to feature

The Brighton Belle collection should be on interest

The rest is up to you

I had this for my 40th. We just agreed to pay any shortfall for minimum spend. Also had a free bar for a bit. You can’t expect others to pay for your venue. So cheeky

I kinda think she should be footing a good portion of the bill then treating her friends/ family to something lovely that won’t cost them a bomb.

Why use your OWN money

So what if the invites have a company name / logo on them

> A marriage is more than a day - The wedding is JUST the party

Usually if I’m inviting people to celebrate my birthday I pay for the celebration not them 🤷‍♀️I’d decline the invite & save myself a couple of hundred quid