Would you find this invitation cheeky?

[christmasnamechangeforthelotofthem]

Just looking for opinions

i have a friend who has a birthday coming up in feb. to celebrate, she wants to hire a private dining room and have a dinner with friends.

after running through some options, she’s found the minimum spend for the place is £1500. She’s not sure who she wants to invite yet, as in hasn’t confirmed numbers. She’s sent a message to those already on the list (including me) saying:

“Hi guys

I’d love if you could join me in celebrating my birthday on 14th Feb 26. We will be going to X at 8:30pm for a fun night of food and drinks then on to X for cocktails.

The pricing is looking to be around £170 per person to meet minimum spend at restaurant. Obviously this is going to vary depending on numbers on the night.

I need to put a deposit down of £750 to secure the date so would appreciate if you could confirm and transfer your share which I will then deduct at the time.

cant wait!”

now a few things..

1. I’m happy to go but somethings not sitting right with me
2. Surely she should foot the deposit then be reimbursed by attendees?
3. All attending aren’t friends so I imagine the price per head will vary wildly based on what drinks are being ordered (we’re usually a split equally amongst the group type of friendship)
4. If people drop out (likely) the price is going to go up even further. I get that this is the norm however due to the already variable cost it could basically end up 3-4 people footing a £1500 tab?

do you think it’s a little cheeky? How would you approach this? I don’t want to decline the invite but I do want to make clear I don’t want to have to consider further costs. It’s also worth noting that this restaurant is about 2 hours away in another city so will be factoring in travel and hotel probably as well

I wouldn’t pay to go to the wedding or a party.

I would expect to pay for my meal in a restaurant or my drinks or both but not to hire the venue.

The venue cost the £1500 needs to be paid by her.

When we got married we paid for everyone to come and did not want gifts or presents we knew people had travelled and given up time and that meant the world the last thing we wanted was to add to their stress or cost.

Come and spend your money to glorify me!

So she has a party and every one else pays for it? Nope I would decline. Diva behaviour.

No way , a disaster in the making
you’re busy right !

you have been declared (or are being?) bankrupt which means that you owe other people money which means that you decline and use the money to pay back those you are indebted to

There’s no way I’d open myself up to a cost that could run into hundreds.

I also wouldn’t pay £170 for a meal and drinks, when eating in a large group.

It’s a very tone-deaf, self-centred request from your friend.

I’d message her something along the lines of, “You know I’d love to commit and I understand the minimum spend thing completely, but I’m not in a position to sign up
for a meal that could cost considerably north of £170 if you can’t get the numbers or someone drops out. I’m really sorry - I wish finances were different but they’re not.”

I think you should decline

just say money is tight so you cant chuck £170 at one meal out

Why are you even considering this if you are about to declare bankruptcy? It's a NO.

Pull out now before other people do. If she knows your situation and is a friend she will understand. You said you are bankrupt so please don’t spend obscene amounts on someone else’s ego trip.

Just tell her that you can’t justify paying that and suggest meeting, maybe just the two of you, for lunch another day. That is a lot to pay

I could afford it but that is too steep fir a dinner-and it will be more as she won’t get the numbers.

if i were you i would privately message her and say that as she knows, your personal circumstances around finances prohibit such a big spend right now so you will have to decline. You’d like to celebrate with her so how about you cook her dinner and will buy a bottle of champagne?

It will be wildly different as you say as people decide they've more pressing commitments to their budget. Just say no have a great time but I'm unable to come due to the cost of the night. Plus I'd imagine you'll have to pay for accommodation. She's intending to have a great night at the expense of other people. Start now to say you won't be attending. there's no shame in not going.

I could not be bothered will the hassle. It is alot of money to ask of people not long after xmas. I would politely decline, as you say it could end you paying alot more than you wanted too..

Good response 👍

I’d steer well clear, to be honest.

I haven’t read the entire thread, but I’ve been caught up in a situation similar to this where the venue stipulated a minimum spend. It was an event organised by a couple who kept drip-feeding information regarding ‘add-ons’. I did go and had agreed to participate in things initially, before all the costs appeared. I was able to dip out of them, as were many others. I’ve no idea whether anyone ended up out of pocket. I hope not, but never again!

Agree

Charging people to come to your birthday bash is awfully rude. At the very least she pays for the food and people buy their own drinks.

She’s being very pushy presenting it as a fait accompli like this, unless she’s pretty sure that her invite list are people who can/will spend this sort of money.
I’d say, ‘That restaurant isn’t in my price range, sorry! Would love to meet you after for a cocktail though.’

I read the title and thought oooh do i dare be the smug bitch that does the MN classic reply of its an invitation not a summons darling...lol but yeah that's cheeky as fuck whatever financial position you are in now or previously. I'd decline as I suspect the majority will or you'll end up having to fork out £500/£750 to meet the minimum spend if only you and possibly one other mug turns up and the CF invitee doesn't expect you to pay for her as well

Sorry, if I wasn’t already, then that would definitely bankrupt me, I can’t afford it so I won’t be there but I hope you enjoy the night.

"I've had something come up unexpectedly. Sorry I won't be able to attend afterall"

The end.

She can throw a hissy fit if she likes. She has no right to your attendence or dictating your expenses.

Theorectically we could afford. On principle we'd be busy.

CF I would decline, if she wants such an expensive venue she pays.

Greetings original commenter 💚
I personally feel your friend seems a bit demanding, going from the invite she sent - Maybe it's just because my friends would never be expected or able to dish out this kind of money just for one Birthday meal
I feel it’s extortionate unless you're all immensely wealthy - However most folks these days, couldn't afford such an amount for one meal, so in my humblest opinion, I do feel she's got some cheek
Wishing You&Yours all the utmost very best 💚🫂💚

Well, you say, I'm sorry I can't afford this as I'm heavily in debt and about to be made bankrupt, as you know. Hope you have a great time though.

If your circumstances have changed why are you entertaining this madness?