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Long term marriage is like shagging your best friend

361 replies

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 11:18

……..or even worse, your brother or your sister 🤮. I think most long-term marriages end up with this problem - I know some people are still happily shagging after 30+ years but……..how do long-term marriages survive this particular ick?

OP posts:
Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 29/12/2025 17:10

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 17:01

It’s interesting how the responses have divided into two clear camps - the cohort of people who are super quick to reassert their sexual promiscuity within their long term marriages (emphasis on the swiftness of assertion which is in itself interesting) and those who accept the realities of what I’m saying and can address the issue with depth.

Very interesting

the cohort of people who are super quick to reassert their sexual promiscuity within their long term marriages

Promiscuity doesn’t mean what you think it does and makes no sense in the context of that sentence.

I don’t think the responses are particularly surprising. Or ‘interesting’. People are different. Some people like familiarity and having sex with their best friend, whose body and proclivities they already know intimately, is their perfect setup.

Some people crave novelty. For them, familiarity breeds contempt and boredom, and monogamy can become a bit stifling. Which is not to say that they could or would cheat (or would even want to). Just that, after a period, they get a bit bored with relationship/marriage sec (and possibly other facets).

And there are lots of people who fall somewhere between to the two camps. Or belong to one at one point in their lives and another at another.

The only thing surprising about this thread is that there are so many (presumably) adult women who simply cannot countenance that anyone feels differently about this topic than they do. I find that quite odd.

Dollybantree · 29/12/2025 17:12

No offence but I’m not sure you understand the meaning of promiscuity OP..

Its interesting you use the term super quick to reassert their sexual promiscuity within their long term marriages - phrasing this as though it’s somehow weird or distasteful to still have good or prolific sex with your long term partner.

I think you would benefit from some therapy (alone, not with your dh) to discuss this. I haven’t read all your posts but for what it’s worth, imo, if you feel like you’re shagging your brother the relationship is dead and you should get out. Theres probably still lots of good sex out there to be had - and you can remain best mates with your dh!

Thepeopleversuswork · 29/12/2025 17:14

@Duckiewasthefirstniceguy

The only thing surprising about this thread is that there are so many (presumably) adult women who simply cannot countenance that anyone feels differently about this topic than they do. I find that quite odd

Exactly this. Some people love the familiarity of sex with someone they have been having sex with for years. Others find it a huge turnoff.

It shouldn’t be such a shocking idea, in 2025, that some people love shagging their husbands and some don’t.

Dollybantree · 29/12/2025 17:14

The only thing surprising about this thread is that there are so many (presumably) adult women who simply cannot countenance that anyone feels differently about this topic than they do. I find that quite odd

Exactly, it’s strange! Do some people really go through life thinking that their experiences must be the same as everyone else’s?

Yellowhollyhocks · 29/12/2025 17:15

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Long term marriage is like shagging your best friend
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Am I being unreasonable?
Total votes: 704.

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'' You’re not daft. You’re performatively shocked and baffled.
🤣🤣🤣 Yes indeed are as most of the pearl clutchers on this thread
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Thepeopleversuswork · Today 16:11
skoosh · Today 16:02
Sorry OP this seems like a you problem and you're projecting it on to others.
Its really not “a you problem”, or certainly not uniquely one, and it’s disingenuous and patronising to suggest that the OP is somehow unique in experiencing this.
Millions of people are in sexless or low sex marriages. There are posts about it on a daily basis on here.
Why do people feel the need to make OP feel that she’s particularly unlucky or that this is somehow her fault? Why can’t you at least acknowledge that everyone has a different perspective on this?''

I think there are absolutely loads of men on here recently trying to police women into their places

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Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 17:16

I think people are scared of dealing with some fundamental truths because it scares them. I don’t doubt that the posters in long term marriages who are still happily shagging are - well, happily shagging. But what has surprised me on this thread is the swiftness and ferocity of some of those people - almost as though the very concept of what I’ve proposed is - I dunno - a bit too scary to even contemplate?

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 29/12/2025 17:18

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 17:16

I think people are scared of dealing with some fundamental truths because it scares them. I don’t doubt that the posters in long term marriages who are still happily shagging are - well, happily shagging. But what has surprised me on this thread is the swiftness and ferocity of some of those people - almost as though the very concept of what I’ve proposed is - I dunno - a bit too scary to even contemplate?

Indeed. There a certainly many people who have long, fulfilling sexual relationships with their spouses but the need to deny and deflect the mere suggestion that passion can die in a marriage is very defensive.

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 17:18

“Methinks thou doth protest too much……”

🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
Sharpzebra · 29/12/2025 17:20

Who's shagged their siblings bloody hell 🤮

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 17:22

Oh dear. The level of comprehension……..

OP posts:
Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 17:22

Wish I’d just posted direct to @Thepeopleversuswork

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 29/12/2025 17:27

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 17:22

Wish I’d just posted direct to @Thepeopleversuswork

I’m honestly quite shocked at the number of people who seem to be interpreting your post as a direct criticism of their own marriages.

Its almost as if people are incapable of decoupling a theoretical discussion from a personal one and have zero critical thinking skills… oh wait…

Dollybantree · 29/12/2025 17:37

But again OP you are missing the point that a lot of people are making, for instance the way you word things is odd - the definition of a “fundamental truth” is:

The definition core, essential principle or fact that serves as a foundation for understanding, belief, or action, often considered universally and eternally valid, like "gravity exists,"

You are comparing YOUR feelings about YOUR experience in YOUR relationship with something that is a scientific, proven fact and applicable to everyone around the globe: ie: it’s a fundamental truth.

You are absolutely steadfast in your belief that you are right and everyone else is wrong or mistaken or lying. That the people who are finding what you are saying (ie assuming everyone else in a long term relationship is basically unhappy underneath it all, has the Ick and feels like they are shagging their brother) incompatible with how they themselves feel about their long term partners must be in denial.

That is what people are finding odd and taking exception to. No one is denying that you yourself feel that way, as that is your experience. But that doesn’t mean it’s everyone’s.

That is what is strange. Do you understand?

Dollybantree · 29/12/2025 17:42

There a certainly many people who have long, fulfilling sexual relationships with their spouses but the need to deny and deflect the mere suggestion that passion can die in a marriage is very defensive.

Who is denying that? I have only seen posts where people are saying that it hasn’t happened to them. No one is saying that it isn’t a thing, indeed it’s quite common…

The only defensiveness im seeing is from people who seem to be getting defensive and upset that there are people out there - quite a lot of people - who are still happy/in love/having sex/ fancying their partners etc.

Jumpingthruhoops · 29/12/2025 17:45

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 11:18

……..or even worse, your brother or your sister 🤮. I think most long-term marriages end up with this problem - I know some people are still happily shagging after 30+ years but……..how do long-term marriages survive this particular ick?

Seems it's only you who has this particular 'ick'...

Jumpingthruhoops · 29/12/2025 17:47

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 17:18

“Methinks thou doth protest too much……”

🤣🤣🤣

Me-thinks someone's been on the wine... 🤔

Yellowhollyhocks · 29/12/2025 17:49

Blimey, who are these strange and odd people who seem very triggered by OPs question?

Wovenlatticetart654 · 29/12/2025 17:53

You may not be in the first throes of passion after a thirty year marriage but there is something very liberating and exciting about being with someone who loves you and knows you so completely that you have complete trust with them. Speaking as a woman fwiw I find that very relaxing and that leads to better not worse sex. The trick though is to not have too many long gaps.

SereneCoralExpert · 29/12/2025 17:53

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 17:01

It’s interesting how the responses have divided into two clear camps - the cohort of people who are super quick to reassert their sexual promiscuity within their long term marriages (emphasis on the swiftness of assertion which is in itself interesting) and those who accept the realities of what I’m saying and can address the issue with depth.

Very interesting

😂😂

their sexual promiscuity
I am not sure you know what that actually mean, or you wouldn't employ it in this context.

You are the one who asked a question, people reply with honesty, and you are very miffed with some of the replies.

Are you offended, disappointed, questioning yourself because others have different experience?

those who accept the realities of what I’m saying
no one is questioning YOUR sex life, no one is even pretending that ALL COUPLES have a blissful sexual life (or there wouldn't be so many divorce) just not having the same experience at all. Why is it so hard to accept? Or are you worried your partner is going to find a fulfilling sex life elsewhere?

AllThePickledOnes · 29/12/2025 17:55

I didn't get the brother or friend analogy . However, I don't think it's surprising or shocking to say: in some marriages, especially long term, sexual desire for your partner dissappears. In other marriages it doesn't.

I think most people would agree with this point.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 29/12/2025 17:57

I have been married for over 40 years. I would say it is like shagging the boy I married (we've been together since we were 17 and married at 21) except that now we know what each other enjoys and we are better at it. I have had a tremendous crush on him since we were 17 and apparently he still feels the same way about me. We're also best friends.

Dollybantree · 29/12/2025 18:01

AllThePickledOnes · 29/12/2025 17:55

I didn't get the brother or friend analogy . However, I don't think it's surprising or shocking to say: in some marriages, especially long term, sexual desire for your partner dissappears. In other marriages it doesn't.

I think most people would agree with this point.

I agree - but that doesn’t seem to be what the OP was saying (maybe I missed some posts).

Il be honest - my dh and I have gone through ups and downs over 25 years. Once I came very close to divorcing him as he annoyed me so much that I didn’t want to live with him anymore.

But the one constant thing that has actually never changed is that we love shagging one another. His cock is huge and he knows what to do with it and I don’t want to give that up 🤷‍♀️ 😂

Thepeopleversuswork · 29/12/2025 18:10

@Dollybantree

You are absolutely steadfast in your belief that you are right and everyone else is wrong or mistaken or lying. That the people who are finding what you are saying (ie assuming everyone else in a long term relationship is basically unhappy underneath it all, has the Ick and feels like they are shagging their brother) incompatible with how they themselves feel about their long term partners must be in denial.

I’m not getting this from OP’s posts. In my perspective this is the mirror image of what’s happening which is basically that OP is saying: “this is my experience of marriage, what do I do?” and everyone else is responding: “Urgh, its really weird and deviant to not want sex all the time after 40 years, I’m not like this and still really fancy my husband…. Oh and by the way did I mention we still shag like rabbits?”

Theres something very brittle and knee jerk about a lot of the responses.

FatCatPyjamas · 29/12/2025 18:17

Oneisnotamused · 29/12/2025 13:13

There’s no issue @AnnaQuayInTheUk if you’re shagging. Which you are. So you clearly still desire one another. My question is directed at people who are essentially trapped in safe, sound, long-term companionships with no desire

I felt like this towards the end of my marriage. We decided to separate and divorce. Best decision we could have made.

Dollybantree · 29/12/2025 18:18

Thepeopleversuswork · 29/12/2025 18:10

@Dollybantree

You are absolutely steadfast in your belief that you are right and everyone else is wrong or mistaken or lying. That the people who are finding what you are saying (ie assuming everyone else in a long term relationship is basically unhappy underneath it all, has the Ick and feels like they are shagging their brother) incompatible with how they themselves feel about their long term partners must be in denial.

I’m not getting this from OP’s posts. In my perspective this is the mirror image of what’s happening which is basically that OP is saying: “this is my experience of marriage, what do I do?” and everyone else is responding: “Urgh, its really weird and deviant to not want sex all the time after 40 years, I’m not like this and still really fancy my husband…. Oh and by the way did I mention we still shag like rabbits?”

Theres something very brittle and knee jerk about a lot of the responses.

I must have missed that in which case of course many people feel the same way as the OP - that’s why more than half of marriages end in divorce!

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